Arman Abrahimzadeh tells of his family's grief over the killing of their mother by their abusive father

THE son of a woman murdered by her estranged husband in front of 300 horrified witnesses has pleaded for an end to domestic violence.

ARMAN Abrahimzadeh is holding the last photograph of his mother Zahra, taken at the Adelaide Convention Centre on the very night that she lost her life.

As she posed for the happy snap at the dinner with friends, this kind, elegant woman, a loving mother to three children, had no idea she was about to become yet another fatal statistic in the rollcall of women slain by violent partners.

"It's a beautiful photograph of Mum," Arman says. "It's obviously also special for us as it was taken the night she died. It's the last picture of her.

"She was a loving, caring, kind, gentle woman. She was a mum. She would always fuss over you, she would care.

"She would always have her kids' best interests in mind."

Zahra was murdered in 2010. Her husband, Zialloh, is serving a 26-year, non-parole jail sentence for his crime.

Zahra's death also prompted a coronial inquest that identified grave failings in the police handling of her case.

The sad truth is that there was nothing that was particularly unpredictable about her death. She had taken out apprehended violence orders, had them renewed, but none of that stopped Zialloh.

He even made the sickening boast that he was going to "make history" with what he had in mind for his wife.

It was the ultimate act of violence by a man who abused Zahra for decades, and subjected Arman, 26, his older sister Atena, 27, and 16-year-old sister, Anita, to a life of terror.

Over the years he slapped his wife and daughters on the face and shoulders, threw Zahra into a window, broke a telephone aerial across Atena's throat and whipped her with a belt for an hour. He burned Atena's fingers as punishment for her biting her nails.

He vowed to kill his entire family by burning down their house while they were inside. He said he would rather kill a family member than be dishonoured by them.

"Ever since I remember, it was always there," Arman says of the violence which blighted family life.

"My earliest childhood memories consist of my father being violent towards my mother and being violent towards us. That really didn't change even when I grew up, if anything it escalated.

"When Mum died I couldn't accept it, I didn't want to accept it, but I guess that at the end of the day I looked back at all of my father's threats, and everything he wanted to achieve, and he carried out his threats by killing my mother."

As Arman explains it, the death of his mother had the perverse effect of not only costing him a beloved mother, but also removing the father figure from their family unit.

Overnight, it turned Arman and older sister Atena into parents for their little sister Anita.

"Even when he was threatening to kill my mum, he would always say that he had given us a warning, that we should not blame him if he did anything," Arman says.

"Obviously it is a cowardly act to do what he did, just gutless to not care about what he has done to us, what he did to his kids.

"That's one thing people forget, the grieving effects that this has on all of us.

"It's not just that our mother was taken away from us. Our father was taken away from us in a different way. He took himself away through what he did, so we ended up with everything that comes with parental responsibilities.

"It was a case of his not thinking about our lives, our careers, our own wellbeing. It's being the guardians of our little sister. It's keeping a brave face for your little sister because at the end of the day we have to bring her up and be role models for her."

In one of the more pathetic acts in a life defined by cowardice, when Zialloh sought to have his sentence reduced, he wrote a letter to his son arguing that despite killing his wife, he, too, was a victim in what had transpired. Since then Zialloh has tried through his own family to make contact with Arman, who does not know if he would ever talk to his father again.

"I'm not sure. I might want to talk to him to give him a piece of my mind. But I don't want to give him the satisfaction of spending time with him.

"It doesn't matter if that time is happy or upsetting, I just don't want to give him that satisfaction of being with his son. It might happen one day. It might not."

Today, Arman has become an advocate for White Ribbon Day, the campaign to end violence against women, which is being observed on Monday.

His life has been marred by violence, but not defined by it. If anything it is defined by love.

The love he will always feel for his mum, the love he and his siblings have for each other, as evidenced by the fact that he and Atena look after Anita week-on, week-off, helping her get through school and keep life on track.

He is a smart, busy bloke, a qualified architect who works in a financial role in a leading construction company, but he's now setting aside time for this important cause.

"Domestic violence knows no colours, no boundaries, no class or postcode," Arman says.

"I want people to know that there is help out there. Our family wasn't aware of the assistance that was out there.

"My mother should never have become a statistic.

"If we can stop another mother or daughter from being murdered, well, that is good work that is being done."

HELP STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

WHITE Ribbon Day is the world's largest male-led movement to end men's violence against women.

The movement began in Toronto, in response to the December 1989 massacre of 14 female students in Montreal by a male classmate.

A handful of Canadian men established the White Ribbon Campaign two years later.

In 1999 the UN General Assembly declared November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women using a white ribbon as its iconic symbol.

Intimate partner violence is the most common type of violence against women, affecting 30 per cent of women worldwide, according to the World Health Organisation.

White Ribbon began in Australia in 2003 as part of UNIFEM, now UN Women, formally becoming a foundation in 2007.

Domestic violence takes a number of forms including physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional and social abuse, and economic deprivation.

It is rarely an isolated event that can increase in frequency, severity and can become fatal.

For a list of White Ribbon Events and more information on the movement visit www.whiteribbon.org.au

If you are a victim of domestic violence or nobody someone who is you can contact any local police station, Crisis Care on 13 16 11 or the following domestic violence services:

Southern Domestic Violence Service 8382 0066

Central Eastern Domestic Violence Service 8365 5033

Northern Domestic Violence Service 8255 3622

Western Domestic Violence Service 8268 7700