Queensland woman files order on abusive boyfriend of three years

A Queensland woman went from being a queen to being sent 280 abusive text messages from her Tinder boyfriend in two days. But the red flags were appearing years before. SEE THE VIDEO

After being dumped over a dozen times in the space of six months, a Queensland mother was hardly surprised when her boyfriend began treating her “like a queen” again.

“There was this momentary air that he had gotten his stuff together,” she said.

“He made it look so attractive and it was like, I want to get on board with that.”

But within a few days, Jane** woke up from the illusion when her abuser sent 280 texts in 48 hours, some of them accusing her of sleeping with her ex-husband and others preventing her from leaving the house to drop her daughter off at a birthday party.

“He inferred that if I wasn’t going to watch my son play soccer, that I was going to have sex with my ex-husband,” she said.

“I had to watch my five year old cry ‘mummy why can’t I go to the party?’.

Jane said she first met her abuser over tinder and the red flags started to appear six months in.

It resulted in a breach of a domestic violence order on the man which finally brought an end to their multi-year relationship.

But Jane said she first saw the red flags six months in.

“Him wanting to know every day where I was, what my plans were for the day, who I was going to be with and these doubts that if I wasn’t at work I was off with some random blokes,” she said.

“If I didn’t reply quick enough then there would be ten text messages waiting there for me.”

Even if Jane and her boyfriend at the time had not been living together, she said she still felt his control where a trip to the shops with her kids would spark a barrage of texts resulting in her having to send screenshots of her location.

“I didn’t have any hobbies because it ended up being too stressful,” she said.

Since cutting ties with the man, Jane has turned her life around, now working as a disability support worker while finishing an advanced certificate in domestic and family violence.

Like many other victims of domestic and family violence, she sought help through the a local women’s service.

The program aimed at empowering women to help them understand their rights, recognise abusive relationships and build confidence in their decision making.

“The resources were amazing,” she said.

Jane said her abuser sent over 280 abusive text messages in 48 hours. Photo: Supplied (Finwal)

But it’s only now, after being dumped over 100 times during the relationship and having lost contact with many friends due to her isolation, that she realised how much of a control her abuser had over her life.

“It was never about it being over, it was just about pulling rank to keep control,” she said.

“It’s called a fake discard.”

“I got out of this relationship because he discarded me for the final time which you don’t see at the time but it did me a tremendous favour.

“I think when you’re in the midst of the trauma and they’ve already isolated you from all of your friends and they’ve made themselves out as the most sensual part of your life, it’s so difficult at that point to get out.

“But once you get out and you can actually start to think again and think clearly, that’s when you can start to build your life.”
**Name changed for legal reasons.

Originally published as Queensland woman files order on abusive boyfriend of three years