Susie O’Brien: Dump and pointless Yanks Tanks don’t belong on our roads

Souped-up, dumb and pointless, American tradie trucks are the muscle cars of our generation, and a country like ours which invented the great Aussie ute should not cede status to these bloated imported beasts.

This GMC Sierra was spotted in Clayton. Picture: Reddit

If they remade The Castle these days, Darryl would have to ask Steve to “move the Silverado, I need to get the Colorado out so I can get to the Sierra”.

American trucks are like US soldiers: oversized, oversexed and over here.

Souped-up, dumb and pointless, these tradie trucks are the muscle cars of our generation, driven by those more interested in image than utility.

A country like ours which invented the great Aussie ute should not cede status to these bloated imported beasts.

In a week full of news about tariffs and Trump, the sight of a gigantic US imported truck struggling to fit within road lines in suburban Melbourne lit up the internet.

The GMC Sierra, which costs around $200,000, sparked fury, with drivers outraged about such vehicles dominating lanes and taking up multiple parking spots.

The Sierra sports authentic open-pore wood and forge perforated leather seating surfaces, not to mention 12-way power front seats and 10-speed auto transmission. But what’s the point if it doesn’t fit on the road?

Another "Yank Tank" believed to be parked in the Spotlight carpark in Box Hill South. Picture: Reddit

The Sierra is around 30 cm wider and 60cms longer than standard Toyota HiLux, making it impossible to fit into normal car spaces. And that’s without the bull bar and towbar.

Yep, they make up half a per cent of all vehicles but take up ten per cent of car spots and account for 50 per cent of dickheads on the road.

It’s one of a large suite of American road hogs like the Dodge Ram, the Chevrolet Silverado and the Toyota Tacoma, which all bear testament to the willingness of the drivers to pay twice as much for a very big car just because they can.

As one commenter on an online forum pointed out, when your tradie turns up in a car like that, you know they are overcharging you.

You can also spot them by their prominent displays of MaxTrax “extreme recovery” gear to help them when they get bogged – essential for dropping kids off on the suburban school run.

Around 10,000 of these bulging beasts were sold last year.

The problem is not just with the size of these truckzillas, but the attitude of those behind the wheel. I’m not sure why the rest of us have to pay the price for their midlife ego crisis.

The bigger the car, the bigger the ego, the smaller the you-know-what.

It’s all part of a wider trend where even young men fresh out of trade school drive new massive cars the rest of us couldn’t ever afford.

Work sites see a conga line of these enlarged vehicles financed by generous tax laws. Wage slaves like the rest of us driving daggy sedans are unable to claim the same sole trader tax benefits.

The GMC Dinali Sierra.

When the CFMEU won hefty pay rises recently, union officials declared there’s “not enough Ford Rangers in the country”.

“First-year apprentices are going to get Raptors. God bless the CFMEU.”

Tradies in normal-sized utes are already well known for speeding, weaving in and out of lanes at will and monstering anyone daring to sit on the speed limit in the right-hand lane. Whether it’s the Geelong freeway, the Gold Coast highway or any main road in the city, many drive like they own the road.

It will come as no surprise that Monash University researchers found that the car with the highest “aggressivity” rating is the tradie’s fave pick-up, the Toyota HiLux.

If they get a huge beast like a Raptor as their first car at 17, then the giant Yank Tanks must seem like the most popular next move.

So, the minute they upgrade to a super-sized Yank tank, they turbocharge their testosterone-powered attitude accordingly.

The Tesla Cybertruck.

Behind the wheel of these ginormous tonka trucks, they’ll flash their lights and tailgate mercilessly, asserting their God-given right to go 130kms in a 100km zone.

How sweet is it seeing the same car pulled over by flashing lights a few km later?

Funnily enough, some tradies insist they’re not to blame for the monster truck craze, insisting that the imported models are favoured by “construction site managers who’ve never picked up a tool” and “insecure white-collar workers”. Or, even worse, 60-year-old grey nomads who use them to tow their Jayco popups.

Still, the US trucks are not even the most hated vehicle in the world. That title goes to the Tesla Cybertruck.

Yes of course it does.

The three-tonne self-driving cars have had six safety recalls in the first 12 months, not to mention five fire fatalities.

Trust Elon Musk to make a car that makes even the GMC Sierra look good. That Musk bloke must be “dreamin’”, as Darryl Kerrigan would say.

Originally published as Susie O’Brien: Dump and pointless Yanks Tanks don’t belong on our roads