Some like it hot, and I’m one of them | Peter Goers

We’re half way through our summer and still yet to realise the scorching heat and tinder dryness SA is long accustomed too. As Peter Goers writes, it’s causing havoc.

Is it my fault? Ever since I took my sea change and moved to glorious Glenelg seven years ago, we’ve had seven mild summers in a row.

I’m sick of “coolth”. I know cooler weather suits a lot of people but some like it hot and I love basking heat.

It could be 40C every day and I’d be happy. I love to swim (or at least bob around like a cork) but I’m a wuss and don’t swim unless it’s over 30C and thus, so far this cool summer, I’ve had just one dip.

Do you lap up the joys of swimming in summer? Not this year, according to Peter Goers. Picture: Daniel Kalisz/Getty Images

We’ve only had one really hot day and that was in November. And it’s even been cold.

I was still using an electric blanket in December. It’s weird.

What’s added to the problem of this disappointing and widdershins weather is that the good folk at the Bureau of Meteorology (now increasingly centralised in Brisbane) predicted a very hot summer with appropriate dire warnings.

This prognostication has come to naught, thus far. At the time of writing, warmer (low 30Cs) weather was expected on the weekend but I’m not holding my breath.

I’m so over El Nino and La Nina – those kids are not all right.

Meanwhile, there are appalling and unseasonable floods in Queensland, and thunderstorms, fog and humidity in South Australia.

Most of us live in SA because it lacks horrible humidity. Summer in Oz is about fun in the sun with requisite protection.

Much as they keep adding to LGBTQIA2S+, we used to be encouraged to slip, slap, slop in the sun, then seek and slide were added but when will they add sit, sulk, susurrate, sleaze, snooze, slurp, stoop, slum and get shickered to the list?

Those more indoor activities are more suited to this summer because we ain’t going to the beach or outdoors much.

At Christmas I felt sorry for all the kiddies to whom Father Christmas had given beach towels and boogie boards which have gone unused, as kids who need exercise are back to sitting on their increasingly large bums killing people on computer games.

(Equating computer games with killing people inflames gamers much as the insistence that bikes be registered inflames cyclists who refuse to take responsibility for their shocking and dangerous behaviour on the roads. But I enjoy stirring those possums.)

Peter Goers is sparing a thought for ice cream vendors, who rely on a summer economy. Picture: Kelly Barnes

I feel for the many families who take their annual trip to a beach or river town, shack or luxurious holiday home.

I feel for ice cream vendors and those businesses depending on the summer economy.

A cooler summer empowers all those idiots who deny climate change science and climate change is much more than global warming, but a bit more global warming in SA over summer won’t kill us – or perhaps it will.

OK, so we don’t necessarily want a slew of days over 40C as in summers past, but some good mid-30Cs weather or even 100 degrees in the old money would be nice.

At least people’s electricity bills will be less horrifying if they are not using their aircon as much and it’s always awful when both SA and the eastern states get heatwaves because SA always loses power because, of course, the eastern states are always more important than us.

Hopefully, the weather will heat up to a scorcher for the Fringe as it gives all those visiting Pommy comedians something else to complain about.

I relish the Australian speech (fast disappearing) and in very hot weather someone always sidles up to you and says, sardonically, “Hot enuf for ya?”

Perhaps I should move to Dubai where 50C is common. My critics will cheer but that’s a horrible, fake place.

Bring on our patented, expected dry heat which SA is famous for.

We always used to say, “it’s always hot when the kids go back to school”.

But it hasn’t been for years. Perhaps we’re now all too cool for school.