Rebecca Whitfield-Baker: Parenting continues long after your children turn 18

The internet is littered with memes about it, and people often say that as a parent you only get 18 years with your kids. But Rebecca Whitfield-Baker has found this is definitely not true.

There are some trendy souls who’ll have you believe that motherhood – and fatherhood – suddenly stops when your child hits 18; that it’s all over red rover, that’s parenting done and dusted.

A few years back a meme started doing the rounds on social media: “You only get 18 delicious summers with your kids. This is one of your 18. If that’s not perspective, I don’t know what is”.

The concept was revived a few months ago, thanks to the sentiment being loudly parroted by a mum contestant in promos for a commercial television parenting series, hosted by reporter Ally Langdon and Australian parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson.

Puh-leese. Yes, I get the sentiment – the idea that we’ve got to make the most of our kids’ childhood moments – but the notion that 18 summers is all we “get” just doesn’t hold true.

This time a year ago, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact I had a child finishing school.

It didn’t seem possible that it’d been 13 years since my cute, blonde-haired cherub had started Prep in country Victoria, proudly celebrating at home each time he moved to the next level reader.

Parents can enjoy far more than just the younger years of their children’s lives. Picture: iStock

It was near impossible to conceive school drop-offs or weekend school sport minus one.

When your kids are little, it feels like they’ll be that way forever, no matter how often “oldies” – of whom I am now one – tell you it’ll pass by in a blur.

The reality is, it does with each advancing school stage seeming to move faster than the one before, until the last few years of high school pass at head-spinning speed.

As a new cohort of Year 12s negotiate their final school exams this week, a new legion of parents will grapple with the “OMG where did those school years ago”.

There is no getting away from the fact that kids finishing school is a momentous and emotional occasion, one you’re not likely to get through as a parent without shedding a quiet tear or two; whether through pride at the sight of your young person standing on the graduating stage, or something else that is a littler harder to define, an inexplicable feeling that wells up inside.

But the truth is, your parenting journey is long from over; your kids are still your kids and remain so long after “the days of the old schoolyard”.

A group of Year 12 students celebrate their graduation. Photo: Asa Andersen.

They’ll still need your advice, support and guidance as they steadily gain clarity of their place in adulthood and confidence in themselves as an individual.

(What’s more, these days chances are good they’ll stay living with you for a few years yet: a recent study commissioned in the US by global financial analyst Bloomberg finds 45 per cent of people aged between 18 to 29 are living at home, with similar trends observed here.)

So, to all the mums and dads out there looking down the barrel of your firstborn finishing school in 2023, don’t hit the panic station any time soon.

You’ve likely still got a few more years of nagging, picking up clothes from the floor and washing smelly sports gear.

You’ll still get the mid-work phone calls of “where did you put my air pods, keys” or whatever piece of clothing your teenager can’t find.

You’ll still get to adjudicate over pesky sibling pestering and niggling … and fights over who really won the all-important backyard basketball one-on-one.

You’ll still have to listen to the brotherly sporting one-upsmanship and post-game sledging about the “sitter” that was dropped, the “screamer” taken that had to be seen to be believed and who has earned the weekend’s bragging rights over most runs made.

Importantly, you’ll also still get the “love you” and “thanks Mum” when it matters most.

Twelve months on, I’ve learned life in our house continues pretty much the same, albeit with uni timetables, cars and part-time jobs.

It is just as my colleague of long adult children told me it would be when I burst into ugly tears at work last year after dropping my eldest off for his last day of school.

Yes, it is an adjustment but it is also exciting to watch your child start a new phase of their life, even if you’d still like to press pause for a bit and hit rewind from time to time, to go back and do certain things in slow motion again.

That being said, I’m not looking forward to my youngest finishing in 2024 – that I am not ready for.