Petra Starke: Dr Pimple Popper — it’s a pop sensation!
A TV show about popping zits – yes, it really has come to this. But trust me, Dr Pimple Popper is strangely fascinating.
Opinion
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This week Australians were forced to take sides on an issue of national importance: was David sticking Hayley’s toothbrush in the toilet on MAFSthe most disgusting thing ever aired on prime time television?
Clearly everyone’s forgotten about literally everything that’s ever happened on I’m A Celebrity (to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re already planning a “pooey toothbrush” challenge for next season).
And to be fair we never got to see any footage of Hayley “party-pashing” Michael, which would have come a close second.
But in any case I can put an end to the whole debate because after watching three episodes I can say with complete conviction that the most disgusting thing on Australian television is actually Dr Pimple Popper, a reality show about a US dermatologist who squeezes cysts for a living.
Foxtel is currently airing the brand new season four, but being a newcomer I went back to season two for a refresher – you know, to catch up on the plot, get to know the characters, that sort of thing.
The opening 30 seconds of episode one made me scream twice, yell “DUUUUDE!” once and cause my husband to cover his face with a pillow.
“I CAN’T WATCH THIS, IT’S GROSS!” he protested, while making gurgling sounds behind the cushions.
“It’s not satisfying to watch fatty lumps being removed from people’s bodies!” he burbled, while peeking one eye out to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.
To that, I say: AU CONTRAIRE.
It is EXTREMELY satisfying to watch the incongruously glamorous Dr Sandra Lee remove fatty lumps from people’s bodies – and squishy blobs, and gloopy goo, and the occasional weird knobbly thing too.
Millions of people agree, which is why Dr Lee - aka Dr Pimple Popper – became an international YouTube sensation with her very graphic videos of, well, popping pimples.
It probably hasn’t hurt that she also looks like she’s just wandered off the set of The Bachelor, with long, glossy hair, air-stewardess calibre makeup and a smile you could reliably use as a nightlight.
The TV show ramps things up quite a bit from just blackheads and acne, however.
One woman presents with forearms looking like they’ve been filled with walnuts.
Dr Lee extracts 68 lipomas – weird, pink lumps - in a four-hour surgery. When they’re all lined up on the theatre trolley it looks like a Patricia Piccinini art installation.
Another guy shows up with a collection of cysts on his nose that looks like he’s stuck a blob of bubblegum there.
Dr Lee carves through it using a special electrified wire tool, in a process she describes as being like scooping ice cream with globs of caramel in it.
This of course is objectively disgusting (I told you, didn’t I?), but food imagery is a frequent go-to for Dr Lee when describing her patients’ ailments.
How pimple popper Dr Sandra Lee made her millions
Cysts feel like olives, she says, sometimes stuffed with blue cheese.
One woman’s tennis ball-sized shoulder cyst looks like it’s full of “mashed potato with green onion”.
Am I making you ill yet? YOU SHOULD TRY WATCHING THE SHOW.
I haven’t even mentioned the blood!
Oh yes, there’s blood. Lots of blood. And pus. And quite often some sort of strange goo you can’t even believe came out of a human.
Dr Pimple Popper is absolutely, positively, unequivocally, disgusting.
And yet – it’s also utterly fascinating.
Call it human nature, or maybe call it “Petra needs to get out more”, but there is something compelling about watching someone have 20 years of mashed potato extracted from their shoulder so they can lead a normal life.
Just maybe wait until after dinner.