Peter Goers: There are much more important battles to lick than a Golden Gaytime ice cream
If gay can never mean joyful again, all homonyms will have to be excised along with all the words starting with trans, writes Peter Goers.
Opinion
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‘Don we now our gay apparel”, we sing in the lovely Christmas song Deck The Halls. That’ll have to go. The theme song for The Flintstones promises us “a gay old time”. That’ll have to go.
If the woke have their proscribing way, our language will be uselessly compromised. A gay man (as in homosexual, not joyful), known only as Brian Mc doesn’t want to share his sexuality with a famous ice cream, Golden Gaytime. He’s offended. If Brian Mc succeeds in having Golden Gaytime censored, where will it end?
Camp pie, school camps, pre-season camps and camping in general will have to go. Drag races at the Adelaide International Raceway and all over the world will have to stop or be renamed, and all the words beginning with trans – transport, transmission, ransubstantiation et al will have to go. Pansy flowers will have to be stamped out. The names Nellie, Nancy, Gay, Gaynor and Sergei will have to go. Mozart’s Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star will be banned. We’ll never be able to buy a dandy ice cream again let alone sit on a pouffe.
The Greek island of Lesbos must be renamed and there will be no more dykes in Holland. Queen Elizabeth needs a new title.
A homonym is a word with two or more meanings. Thus, gay means homosexual and also joyous, happy and carefree. Brian Mc is not a gay gay. So if gay can never mean joyful again, all homonyms will have to be excised lest one of their meanings offends. Air, arm, die, rock, roll and may, among thousands of words will all have to go under Brian Mc’s logic.
It was right and proper that Coon Cheese became Cheer Cheese because the original word was highly pejorative and harmful. Gay ain’t. Gay is a popular and affirming word as in gay pride. But speaking of pejoration, the word queer was an appalling slur and harmful to generations of gay people. Now, that word is celebrated and reclaimed by LGBTQIA+ people – despite the harm it caused. Queer has become an umbrella term for all things not straight and the meaning of queer is like the price of oil – it changes everyday.
Brian Mc is quite happy (as in joyful and gay) to be queer but resents a Golden Gaytime which has brought joy (as in happy) to people to who are gay (as in queer) and non-gay (as in heterosexual) and also LBTQIA+ folk since 1959. Get over it.
There are much more important battles to lick than a Golden Gaytime ice cream. Just shut up and have one.
Vale Vili, you were loved
Vili’s Cafe at Mile End is our best restaurant. I’m often there with beloved Willsy. She has the T-bone and I, the mixed grill. Once we arrived for lunch and Vili, right, sat with us. We said, “Hi, Vili” and 90 minutes later said, “Bye, Vili”. That’s all we said. Neither Willsy or I are shy of talking but Vili could talk underwater with a mouth full of a very good pie.
He was loved. He was the hardest working
man I ever knew. He truly led his company. He loved pleasing people. He was a great joy in our lives. He never compromised. He won and we won with him. He was a ratbag in the best sense of that term and a great character. His grassroots philanthropy which touched every South Australian will never be forgotten.
V for victory. V for Vili. V for vale. Thanks.
Peter Goers can be heard weeknights and Sundays on ABC Radio Adelaide.
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