Odds are against us as parents join desperate rush for Swift tickets | Amanda Blair

Parents of Taylor Swift fans are massacring their credit cards and their sanity trying to secure tickets, writes one mum as she prepares to sit by the computer refreshing Ticketek tomorrow.

Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up to work on Wednesday is a bum.

Everything including paid employment is going to have to take a back seat because it’s T-DAY and at 1.30pm local time pre-sale Taylor Swift concert tickets go on sale. If you don’t actually know this are you even living on this planet?

Like seriously, are you even alive?

For most of us we’re doomsday-prepping for this momentous occasion by obsessively checking laptops, downloading apps, massaging possible ticket connections (even calling people we don’t really like who we previously worked with “out of the blue” but happening to mention Ms Swift and asking them if they still know people in the ticketing game — there’s no dignity in desperation).

Of course, we’re not just going to max-out the credit card, we’re massacring it with A reserve tickets at $379.90 each sliding down through B, C, D down to F Reserve coming in at a mere $119.90 each.

We all know what “F” Reserve stands for don’t we?

That’s right, funny because you will be wetting yourself having paid all that cash and not being able to see an F’ing thing because you’ll be so far away.

In my house the air is thick with desperation and deal making. I’ve been told by my 17 and 14 year old daughters that I’m not to do anything else tomorrow but sit by my computer and wait for the Ticketek prompts. I’ve been warned that if I don’t manage to secure tickets they may pass over to “the other side” due to “crying themselves to death”.

Considering I have four mouths to feed and much discussed cost of living increases to plan for, perhaps this isn’t such a bad result? I mean I could rent out their rooms … there’s also a housing crisis right?

They’ve told me they’ll clean their bedrooms, pick up the wet towels and walk the dog everyday without expecting cash incentives.

Apparently they don’t want anything for birthdays or Chrtistmas for the next 20 years.

T’was the same with Harry Styles, Katy Perry and Adele, lots of sucking up and loving gestures and “oh Mum, we’ll do anything,” before the tickets went on sale.

Once the carnival was over and the souvenir “must have” $45,500 T-shirt was lying in the dirty clothes basket it was teenage business as usual, they retreated to bedrooms to throw stuff everywhere and discuss the why’s and wherefores of the concert with their mates on Snapchat.

I was left ignored and alone, unpacking the dishwasher and my dreams of the perfect post concert progeny.

Taylor Swift performs at MetLife Stadium, New Jersey. Picture: Kevin Mazur

Harry Styles attends The 2019. Picture: Dimitrios Kambouris

I wonder if we were the same at their age, but I can’t remember David Cassidy whipping up such a frenzy.

Donny Osmond got me all hot under the polyester 1970s collar and I was desperate to be a little bit country to his little bit rock’n’roll, but there wasn’t an expectation that Mum would make good on the trip to Utah just because I wanted it. Kids today – sheesh.

Tay-Tay hasn’t made it easy omitting RADelaide, your refurbished Entertainment Centre (plus conveniently co-located park n ride facility) and the preconcert carb loading at Enzos from the tour schedule.

Sure, we don’t have the capacity of the MCG, but I’d argue that what we have here is a quality concert experience.

With no convict stain, a steady supply of Haighs seconds at the factory store on Greenhill road and more cuddly koala’s than she’d ever need for the obligatory visiting rock star 'G’day from Down Under” photo shoot at Cleland, ultimately she’s the one who’s missed out.

Those who manage to secure tickets on Wednesday at 1.30pm (make sure you log in 15 minutes before Mum FFS don’t forget or I’ll never speak to you again) will pass that message on when we drive across the border, flights mysteriously tripling in price.

Not such a bad thing, really, provided the waffle dudes are open at Coonalpyn.

I’ll amuse myself by asking if “Kaniva wee” at the best toilets en route and deliver the “nothing to see here” joke two towns on at Nhill.

As for accommodation, good luck with that.

Sources tell me that there’s still some available at Dimboola if you’re quick. I’ve told the kids to be prepared for the worst. There’s’ a 1 in 200,000 chance they’ll get a ticket – it’s like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory without the bad English teeth.

Sometimes they can’t always get what they want, but that disappointment makes you stronger. They just stare at me like the kids from The Shining.

But I’m just going to do what Tay-Tay does and shake it off, shake it off. Because haters gonna hate hate hate hate right no matter what we do.