Michael McGuire: There are many fine words for hangers-on but perhaps none has the resonance of ‘fart-catcher’

Fart-catcher is up there, suggests Michael McGuire.

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As an occasional chronicler of the foibles and eccentricities of those Aust-ralians who nobly put them-selves forward to be elected to public office, it’s sometimes possible to run out of words with which to describe them.

This may be because of a limited vocabulary. Or, more likely, because it’s extremely difficult to get swear words into print.

Still, after a while, it becomes tedious to describe a prime minister as an “opportunist’’ and having a “glass jaw’’, or the opposition leader as an “empty shell holding up a suit’’.

So, the option is to make up new words. Maybe one could be a “Lei preacher”.

We could hang it on Scott Morrison – not in reference to his religious preferences, more for his capacity to tell Australians what to do while holidaying in Hawaii.

Or we could go the other way and have a look to see what old words could be resurrected into modern-day usage.

Words such as “snollygoster”. What a lovely sounding word. On first inspection, you would think it was somehow related to a particularly loud sneeze where the contents of your nasal region end up on the windscreen of your car but no. English lexicographer Susie Dent defines a snollygoster as “an unprincipled, shameless representative, governed entirely by self-interest’’.

Embattled Sports Minister Bridget McKenzie with controversial Cabinet mainstay Peter Dutton.

In a broader sense, it means a politician who wants office for their own sake, regardless of principle.

Apparently, it’s been around since the 1800s and the Oxford English Dictionary suggests it may be linked to a German phrase “schneller Geist” – a fast-moving ghost that is half-reptile, half-bird. Using it in a sentence is the challenge. In a literary as well as legal sense.

Perhaps we could squeeze a reference to Nationals’ deputy leader Bridget McKenzie at this point, just to mark her fine performance in handing out all that money while sport minister. Some, reportedly, to a gun club where she is a member.

But McKenzie is not on her own. There are so many candidates in parliament these days, perhaps snollygosters will become a collective noun. As in a snollygoster of politicians.

Just as an aside, “candidate” is a Roman word, from the Latin, meaning white. Roman pollies would wear white as a symbol of purity.

Then we have “throttle-bottom”. This refers to an MP who is particularly inept or bumbling. Again, it may be hard to whittle this one down, but let’s try. Peter Dutton could be prime minister by now if he wasn’t such a throttlebottom. Though a true throttlebottom is also harmless. It’s hard to describe Dutton as harmless. The word comes from a 1931 musical political satire called Of Thee I Sing, which had a character called Alexander Throttlebottom, who was vice-president.

Of course, it’s not only politicians who are the problem.

Politicians are surrounded by all sorts, including staff members, business types and even the odd, occasional journalist.

There are many fine words for these people: hangers-on, suck jobs, sycophants and flunkies, but perhaps none has quite the resonance of “fart-catcher”. Doesn’t that just conjure up the whiff of grandeur we like to associate with our political system?

Fart-catcher is a word from the 1700s and was originally used to describe a servant who hovered a little too close to their employer.

Then we have “flapdoodler”. From the 1800s again, and first used by the English writer Frederick Marryat. In his 1833 novel Peter Simple, he wrote: “‘The gentleman has eaten no small quantity of flapdoodle in his lifetime.’ ‘What’s that, O’Brien?’ replied I. ‘Why, Peter’, rejoined he, ‘it’s the stuff they feed fools on’.’’

So, a flapdoodler is a politician who says a lot without really saying anything. As in: “That Anthony Albanese is something of a flapdoodler, isn’t he?’’

And there are more. A mugwump is someone who can’t make up their mind. A turkey farm is a government department dominated by political appointments. Think of most of the government boards you have heard of.

So our political system is not just made up of liars, cheats, simpletons and the deluded, it also includes snollygosters, flapdoodlers, fart-catchers and throttlebottoms.