Matthew Abraham: It’s stretching the definition of “non-stop” party ... but we live in difficult times

Who knew Adelaide so man venues still solvent? Maybe they’re staging shows in hardware stores, we’ve got loads of them, writes Matthew Abraham.

It’s the Fringe you have when you can’t be bothered leaving the Jason recliner. In other words, the Slacker Fringe, held annually in Mundane March.

This is definitely not to be confused with this year’s official Adelaide Fringe, billed as a “non-stop party of comedy, music, theatre and art” with 800 events in 285 venues.

It’s stretching the definition of “non-stop” when it’s a COVID-modified, QR-scanned, hand-sanitised, sit 1½m apart and don’t even think about singing let alone dancing while drinking in a venue that holds more than 200 party animals kind of non-stop party, but we live in difficult times.

Who knew Adelaide even had 285 venues still solvent? Maybe they’re staging them in hardware stores, because we’ve got loads of them.

But the mere words “non-stop party” are my idea of a nightmare. The best parties start at 6pm and wind up at 8pm, leaving just enough time to get home, get changed into the PJs, make a cuppa, crack a Cadbury’s fruit and nut block and settle down for another enthralling episode of Vera. Hmm, pet?*

The beauty of the Slacker Fringe program is you can immerse yourself in it from the comfort of your own home, it’s free and there’s no need to book.

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? The 2021 Slacker Fringe has got off to a belter so let’s review five headline acts.

Socially distanced dancing hits the Garden of Unearthly Delights. Picture: Garden of Unearthly Delights

South Road Tunnel Tombola: Years in the making, still nowhere near shovel-ready, this event is shaping up as one of the highlights of this year’s festival, and not just because I get to use the word tombola.

A tombola, as we all know, is a southern Italian raffle in which numbered tickets are drawn at random from a revolving drum. It’s a perfect description for what the Marshall government describes as the “biggest infrastructure project in the state’s history”, not that it’s shifted a single wheelbarrow of dirt.

Last month, however, the government revealed massive hi-tech tunnel machines will bore the twin $8.9bn tunnels to complete the final stage of the North-South Corridor. It’s a show filled with thigh-slapping promises.

The Transport Department says the boring machines are so quiet the vibrations for homes and businesses will be “lower than the noise level in a library”. That had the opening night crowd in stitches. Nothing boring about this show, it digs deep for laughs.

White Elephant Stanvac Stomp: This dance extravaganza staged in and around the mothballed $2bn Port Stanvac desalination plant is a total waste of money but don’t let that put you off.

Nothing to Crow About: Make sure you’ve got a few jumbo boxes of extra thick tissues handy before getting swept up in this dramatic tear-jerker. You’re going to need ’em.

This poignant drama tells the story of a once proud AFL club finding itself inexplicably homeless, with some of the city’s most powerful men reduced to wandering the cold, wind-swept streets of Adelaide in search of free land to build luxury new “clubrooms”, funded by buckets of taxpayer dollars.

Crows Chairman John Olsen and incoming Chief Executive Officer Tim Silvers at the West Lakes headquarters the club wants to flee. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

The cruel irony of this powerful piece of street theatre is the club still has a perfectly good home at West Lakes but demolished its stadium and flogged the land off for apartments, making a motza. Can you believe it?

The show promises a nail-biting final act when we discover if luxury new “clubrooms” help the club actually win a few footy games?

La La LeCornu: This world-first “slow opera” gives you virtual front-row seats as you watch the weeds grow on the vacant land at Adelaide’s two bulldozed furniture emporiums.

The smash hit, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, lunch at LeCornu’s, penned by Peter Goers, will have you nodding off in no time.

Crossbench Karmageddon – The Cabaret: Miss the thrills of Mike Rann’s first term in office, made possible by the zany Liberal Member for Mallee, the late Peter Lewis? Enjoy trying to guess what crossbench MPs will do next when they don’t even know themselves?

Broadcast live from the floor of the House of Assembly at random times, this cabaret takes you on an entertaining ride with a first-term government that suddenly finds itself with no numbers and even fewer clues.

Lovers of political mayhem will adore this sumptuous production. Frome indie MP Geoff Brock, who helped roll the democratically-elected Marshall Government in last week’s show, declared “from the democracy side of things it turned out really, really good”. Buy this man a pizza, someone.

*One of Vera Stanhope’s trademark lines ... I really need to get out more.