Matthew Abraham: A year on and feeling comfortably numb with Marshall Government

Not much has changed in South Australian politics since the election, and a year on in the Marshall government, everything feels like the Pink Floyd song, Matthew Abraham writes.

• SA Premier Steven Marshall increases Liberal honeymoon

Barry Backburner killed his phone, shut his eyes tight and tried to feel the vibe.

It had been one year and one week since Barry and his Liberal friends had won the election. He thought being in government would feel different.

Thrilling, somehow.

In the end, winning had been a doddle, once the Electoral Boundaries Commission invoked the mercy rule to give them a turn in office.

So, through no fault of his own, Barry found himself plucked from the mind-numbing obscurity of life as an Opposition backbencher and dropped into the mind-numbing obscurity of life as a Marshall Government backbencher.

Now the Honorable Barry Backburner, MP for the not-quite-safe-enough seat of Fringe, a boutique electorate with a colourful demographic, was sitting on the office carpet, meditating to Pink Floyd, desperately hoping to sense a buzz.

He tried again. Nope. Nothing.

Barry had a horrible thought. What if being in government was like this for the next three years?

It could be like that moment in the movie when Melvin Udall emerges from Dr Green’s surgery and says to the other patients in the waiting room, “What if this is as good as it gets?”

That Jack Nicholson line always unnerved Barry.

To be fair, the Marshall Government wasn’t big on buzz.

Premier Steven Marshall had promised his style would be “radical incrementalism”, but Barry honestly didn’t have a clue what it meant.

Still, at least the boss always seemed excited, Barry mused, even if that look on his face could be mere surprise, or mild panic. Who knew with Steven?

He’d read the Premier’s email during the week saying that a year ago “South Australians voted for a new government and a strong plan for real change”.

“The Marshall Government hasn’t wasted a second delivering on our promises to create more jobs, lower costs and provide better services,” it said.

Barry was trying to nut out how they’d created more jobs when the latest trend data showed unemployment stalled and jobs growth down by 200 persons; lowered costs by spending $600,000 to advertise they’d lowered costs; and provided better services by closing Services SA offices.

The Premier even told The Australian his government had promised it would under-promise and over-deliver and they’d over-delivered on that promise.

It made sense, in Marshall World.

Even if the boss was genuinely having a ball, nobody else in his Cabinet even bothered pretending being in government was a blast.

Rob Lucas had seven faces of boredom, one for each day of the week. Rob made Marvin the Paranoid Android look like a party animal.

And the only part of Vickie Chapman that was vaguely animated was her right eyebrow.

Still, between the two of them they were running the joint, Barry conceded, so perhaps he was being a little harsh.

He wasn’t the least surprised to open The Advertiser last week and discover that in the first opinion poll since the election, both parties had gone absolutely nowhere. The Sunday Mail-YouGov/Galaxy poll put the Liberals on 52 per cent and Labor on 48, just as they’ve been for five years.

It also showed that almost half of South Australians thought the health system was no different under the Marshall Government than it had been under Labor.

Health Minister Stephen Wade said he’d made it clear there was “no quick fix or silver bullet” to fix the health system but the “building blocks for recovery” were in place.

Barry vaguely remembered when they were in Opposition, The Wadester had kind of hinted he might have a silver bullet, rather than building blocks, up his sleeve.

But if voters couldn’t tell the difference between his government and the other mob, what was the point?

He crossed his legs and tried some Womad humming. Ommmmmm. Still nothing.

The corridors of Parliament House would soon empty, as they always did heading into winter, while backbenchers took their “study trips”, otherwise known as “junkets”, to enjoy the taxpayer-funded delights of the northern summer. Not northern as in Pooraka, but northern as in London, Prague, Budapest and Paris.

For now, Barry Backburner’s phone was on Flight Mode but he wasn’t flying anywhere.