Jess Adamson: Mother guilt and finding redemption from behind bars

The pain of separation between mother and child in prison is enormous. But there’s many working hard to break the cycle, writes Jess Adamson.

Evonne Penrose has left jail and turned her life around. PIcture: Civil Contractors Federation SA

Mother guilt. The unwanted emotion that millions of mums worldwide feel when things don’t go exactly to plan with the kids. Which in our house, is most days.

It’s a feeling of failure that drops in when we don’t live up to our own or others’ expectations.

A forgotten lunch box, not enough family time, too much time at work, not being able to afford a new blazer or school shoes.

I haven’t met many mums who haven’t grappled with it.

It’s all unnecessary of course, we only need to watch the world news right now to see how lucky most Australian children are, compared to hundreds of millions of others.

But there’s a small group of mums in our community, burdened with more guilt than most. They live on Grand Junction Road, Northfield, at the Adelaide Women’s Prison.

A small number of them have committed crimes so heinous that frankly, they’ve lost the right to see their children ever again.

The pain of separation when a mother is in prison causes great heartache for mother and child, writes Jess Adamson.

Others, serving shorter sentences, who’ve grown up knowing poverty, domestic violence, abuse and trauma, deserve rehabilitation and support behind bars.

Why? Because without it, nothing changes. There’s a high chance their children will follow the same path if the cycle isn’t broken.

There are currently 256 females in the Adelaide Women’s Prison.

The National Prisoner Health Data Collection tells us 17 per cent of women incarcerated in Australia had a parent or carer behind bars during their childhood.

It also shows the number of women imprisoned in Australia has jumped by 64 per cent in the past decade. There’s a whole range of reasons for that including illicit drug use.

University of SA researcher and midwife Belinda Lovell says the pain of separation between a mother and child causes enormous distress.

Her PhD research has culminated in the Mothers Matter program, now running in our Women’s Prison.

It teaches the prisoners positive parenting skills, better communication skills, connection and wellbeing.

“We did things like how to write a letter to a child and gave them ideas of how to improve their phone conversations with their children,” Belinda says.

“Many were worried their children might forget what they looked like, so we took a photo of the mums, they made a card, decorated it and sent it to their kids.

“One of the women said that her children framed the photo, it was a beautiful connection to have that.

“The children become a key motivator for women to turn their lives around.”

Belinda says it’s an emotional ride as the women face their guilt.

“It’s not easy when you’re in prison, you’re separated from your kids, reflecting on your parenting and you’re reflecting on maybe the way you were parented – it’s really an emotional journey for everyone,” she says.

Mother of three Evonne Penrose spent 12 years behind bars in several stints.

She was a daily amphetamine user who lost all contact with her daughters when her life spiralled out of control. I count Evonne as a friend after meeting her at a construction event two years ago.

Watching her turn her life around, go back to study and get a job as a building safety adviser has been inspirational.

Mothers Matter wasn’t running when she served time, but she wishes it was.

Evonne Penrose has turned her life around after coming out of jail. Picture: Tom Huntley

“I feel as guilty as hell because I don’t have a relationship with all of my children,” she says.

It’s simple stuff but the long-term benefits are powerful. These mothers are willingly taking the first steps to change the path of the next generation. They’re learning things that most of us take for granted and it could be life-changing.

Next month marks 10 years since Evonne Penrose gave up illicit drugs.

She’s got her life back on track, driven by love for her children and a passion to right the wrongs.

“I can’t change the past, it still hurts that I wasn’t there for them,” she says.

“But I can prove that I’ve changed my life.”

Despite the painful memories, Evonne regularly returns to the Women’s Prison at the invitation of the Correctional Services Department, to mentor others.

She knows the fear many feel about relapsing on release and is sharing the positives of a clean break and healthy relationships on the outside.

Connection with their children is a source of motivation many women in custody haven’t had before and if it keeps them out of prison, it’s a good result for everyone.

Healing the guilt with hope, one day at a time.