Apples for Santa? No way – it’s the time of year for fat blokes to shine | Caleb Bond

Just when you thought you’d heard it all, Father Christmas has been dragged into a debate over whether he’s a bad role model for kids because he is overweight.

You would have to be a pretty miserable sod to go after Father Christmas’s fat belly days before he takes off on his whirlwind global joy flight.

But we live in strange times. And so, this week, we find ourselves in a debate over whether the jolly fellow in red is a bad role model for kids because he is rotund.

If you were inclined to have the bizarre thought that Father Christmas being fat was a bad thing, you’d think you’d at least keep it yourself.

Not so for Dr Vincent Candrawinata, who kicked all this off.

He is a health researcher and – as we have all learnt in the past couple of years – there’s nothing health people love more than telling us what to do.

Advice is never enough. We must be forced to adhere to healthy lifestyles – or whatever the doctor overlords deem to be healthy anyway.

So the argument goes that Father Christmas being fat sets a bad example for children and models unhealthy living.

This also, according to Dr Candrawinata, extends to the old tradition of leaving out a glass of milk and a plate of biscuits. Too unhealthy, he says. They should instead be replaced with apples.

Christmas is the one time of year fat blokes get to shine, writes Caleb Bond.

Children often have many strange ideas about what they want to do or what they want to be when they grow up.

I, for instance, wanted to be a real estate agent at the age of six. But I quickly snapped out of that when I realised how poorly real estate agents were regarded, somewhere just above used car salesmen.

I wanted to do something far more reputable and trustworthy. So I became a journalist.

But I have never met nor heard of a child whose takeaway from meeting Father Christmas in a shopping centre was a desire to expand their stomach. Honestly, give the bloke a break. He has to watch every damn child on Earth – I find it hard enough to keep an eye on one for five minutes in a playground – and he has to deliver presents to every said kid in the space of 24 hours, year in and year out.

So what if he enjoys a choc-chip biscuit and knocks back a few too many frothies? He deserves it.

In fact, Christmas is the one time of year fat blokes get to shine.

There’s a job just for them in shopping centres all over the country as Santa’s helpers. Don’t take that away from them.

Father Christmas is a portly fellow – and long may he remain so.

He enjoys life and he spreads that joy all over the world. He has the extra biscuit, he finishes the bottle of wine, he goes for the full cream milk.

If you put him on a diet and forced him to get trim, you might end up with a few more children on the naughty list. It just wouldn’t be right.

And besides, he lives at the North Pole. If he didn’t have all those fat reserves, he’d probably freeze to death.

The real issue these people have with Father Christmas is he has fun. The realities of clean living are rather boring – and its proponents want the rest of us to be just as miserable.

Christmas is a time to enjoy yourself and overindulge – and there’s nothing wrong with that, despite what the health hit squad might say.