Absurd rubbish bin fines call for an absurd response | Peter Goers

There are a lot of problems in the world but the need to fine people for leaving their bins out too long seems not only comparatively minor but stupid, writes Peter Goers.

I’d love to say it’s bin a long time since I wrote about rubbish but I might have written rubbish….

A man in my neighbourhood used to keep his suite of wheelie bins – green-yellow-red-lidded – in the gutter, permanently outside his house and fill them at all hours as noisily as possible.

What a good idea.

Nowadays, if he lived in the Port Adelaide Enfield Council he could be fined $312.50 per week.

There are a lot of problems in the world but the need for councils to fine people for leaving their rubbish bins out too long seems not only comparatively minor but stupid.

Has the Port Adelaide Enfield Council nothing better to do than employ rubbish bin inspectors to trawl the streets of that bailiwick with a view to fining people for leaving their bins out too long?

TELL US WHY BELOW

Do the inspectors sit in their cars at stake-outs opposite a suspect waiting to see if they collect their bins?

What if you were three seconds late bringing your bin in? What if you forgot? What if you just couldn’t be bothered?

Big Brother is watching your rubbish bins.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. You could be jailed if you don’t pay your fine.

They’re watching the bins. Picture: John Grainger/File

You’re sharing a cell in prison with a murderer and he asks you what was your crime and you say, “I left my rubbish bins out too long”.

Governments, including local governments, are becoming increasingly punitive. If in doubt – invent a fine.

As if council rates are not hefty enough, now councils want even more of our money.

So let’s fight back.

No one is completely happy with their local council.

We all have issues. So let’s work with residents’ groups to issue fines to councils – and there are lots of reasons to do so.

When the garbos empty your bin and leave it lying on the road, fine your council $312.50. Rubbish not removed or the bin lid broken – a fine.

Pesky roadworks where there are no actual roadworks or road workers – a big fine from everybody using that road.

Annoying speed humps to stop rat runners – a fine. Councils that won’t install speed humps to stop rat runners – a fine.

Councils riven by factions to the point of being unworkable – fine then $300,012.50 a day. Mayors and councillors who don’t turn up for community events need to be fined.

Mayors and councillors who turn up at community events and bore everyone to tears – fine them.

Mayors and councillors who say “logalgubmen” for local government, “muldikulcherism” for multiculturalism and “‘Straya” for Australia – fine them.

Local government people who include lots of other groups in the Aboriginal Acknowledgment of Country need to be fined.

Pot holes need a fine from all motorists.

Dangerous, uneven footpaths need heavy fines from pedestrians. Those elected to councils telling us every year that they regret raising rates but have no choice – fine them.

Councils spending vast funds on projects against the wishes of the majority of ratepayers and residents should be fined.

Councils removing carparks, and one council which allows a beach bar in a dry zone, should be fined.

Councils encouraging inappropriate development in order to rake in more rates – fined. Councillors and mayors who blame everything on state and federal governments – fined.

What fun.

This is all absurd but, after all, no more absurd than fining people for the heinous crime of leaving their bins out too long.

Local governments serve us quite well. Those elected (often on just a handful of votes) are generally available to us, but candidacy for local government is the province of the well-meaning, the mad, the meddlesome retiree, those with a single issue and those with broader political ambitions – sometimes all of those put together.

Being on a local council is often a thankless job but fining people for leaving their rubbish bins out too long is wheelie, wheelie stupid.