‘Living a lie’: Why a Potts Point matchmaker kept HIV status from his husband for five years
On World AIDS Day, the couple behind a globally successful matchmaking agency based in Sydney’s east have said a five-year secret was ultimately what made their life together possible.
The co-founder of a high-end global matchmaking business in Sydney’s east said keeping his HIV status from his husband for five years was the worst experience of his life, but was necessary for their relationship.
Potts Point resident Vinko Anthony runs a worldwide gay matchmaking agency with outposts in the United Kingdom, Hong Kong, Singapore, New Zealand and across the United States — all inspired by his own love story with co-founder Andrea Zaza.
The pair met on a 2010 holiday in Croatia and were committed to each other right from the start, but for the first five years of their relationship, Mr Anthony didn’t disclose that he is HIV positive.
“It was really unbearable,” the business owner said.
“It was awful to live with that, knowing that everything you’ve created you might lose because you’re living in a lie.”
Despite this secret, transmission was never on the cards as Mr Anthony said he has “always been undetectable, always of course protected (Andrea), knew that he would never be at risk”.
Many people living with HIV take antiretroviral therapy, which ensures the levels of the virus in their body cannot be picked up by testing. When someone’s viral load is undetectable, it also means they have no chance of passing on HIV through sexual contact.
Of the 30,000 people in Australia living with HIV, 97 per cent are receiving antiretroviral treatment and 98 per cent of those have an undetectable viral load.
World AIDS Day is held on December 1 and has been observed since 1988 to raise awareness about HIV and AIDS and combat stigma and discrimination.
Mr Anthony said when he first learned of his HIV status in the late 1990s, he had to take a cocktail of pills daily, including some which had to be kept refrigerated to remain effective. Now, the medication regimen is simply “a pill each day or a shot every three to six months” to keep him healthy and undetectable.
“It took me into a very healthy lifestyle with meditation and yoga, and you understand how precious and fragile life can be,” he said.
“Even though you always knew that it wasn’t a death sentence.”
“In fact, it made me a stronger, better, healthier, more positive person. I’ve never had ‘poor me’ syndrome or negativity around it at all.”
Mr Anthony said his husband was ultimately okay with the secret being kept from him for a time, and “when it all came out, he was incredible and amazing and supporting”.
“(Andrea) told me himself that he’s glad that I didn’t tell him, and if I did, we wouldn’t have existed because he had the fear towards (HIV),” Mr Anthony said.
“There was a lack of education on the subject … I made a decision and one day turned into a month, then into a year, then it turned into five. I would never make that choice again.”
The reduction in HIV-related stigma over the years has been reflected in the clientele of the couple’s matchmaking business, Beau Brummell Introductions.
“When we launched the business 15 years ago, about 85 per cent of people would say no to meeting somebody with HIV,” Mr Anthony said.
“Today, about 97 per cent of the people say yes. The stigma has totally gone from the community”.
The global matchmaking service takes on a wide variety of clients, Mr Anthony said, from students and blue-collar workers to CEOs, venture capitalists and lawyers.
He said the most successful clients understand that the business “can just give you a helping hand to find the right person”.
“If people don’t understand that and think that they’re here to buy a boyfriend, they can keep their money.”
While the majority of their Sydney-based clients are in the eastern suburbs, Mr Anthony said it’s those from rural NSW that are locked down in relationships the quickest.
“They don’t want to see what else is in the box,” he said.
“Sydney and New York, if you want to use a comparison, I think people are more transient.”
The business owners are picky about who they work with, taking on about 30 clients each month despite receiving between 20 and 60 inquiries daily.
“Because of today’s world of ‘flick, flick, next, next’ type of mentality, people are expecting instant results,” Mr Anthony said.
The 87 per cent success rate of the business reflects the success of the couple’s methods, with more than 1500 successful pairings and a newly released book ‘All In’.
“I love going to the weddings, but everyone has a destination wedding these days,” Mr Anthony said.
“We don’t go to a lot of them, we don’t have time, we can’t afford it.”
Originally published as ‘Living a lie’: Why a Potts Point matchmaker kept HIV status from his husband for five years
