John Van De Putte tells of grief and advice that could have saved his daughter Lily from a car crash

John Van De Putte partly blames himself for the death of his daughter Lily who died in a car crash near Buxton. Now he reveals what he wished he had told her before that fateful night.

John Van De Putte hasn’t spent much time in his daughter Lily’s bedroom since she died in a car crash two years ago, but it’s almost exactly as she left it – pink sheets on the bed, make-up and trinkets tossed on a shelf in the cupboard, dream catchers on the walls.

“I got it cleaned up, though,” he said. “A few days after she died I looked through the window and there were so many flies, so I got someone to go in there and they found a half-drunk milkshake.”

“Typical teenager, but yeah this is basically how she left it.”

Lily Van De Putte (L) and her sister Britany. Lily died in a car crash in Buxton on September 6, 2020.

Lily’s father John Van De Putte has left his daughter’s bedroom the way she left it after she died. Picture: Tim Hunter

Lily, 15, stayed at her best friend Gabriella ‘Gabby’ McLennan’s house near Buxton, south-west of Sydney, after school Tuesday September 6, 2022, while John was in hospital for a kidney operation – a standard procedure for someone with multiple sclerosis.

At about 7pm, the girls wanted to go to McDonalds for ice cream, which was a two-minute drive up the road, and meet other friends – one of whom would be driving on a provisional licence.

Gabby’s parents were strict and had never let their daughter in the car with a P-plater before, but she was almost 15 and they decided to give her some leeway, just this once, as long as Lily called her mother and asked permission.

Lily didn’t call her mother, but she told Gabby’s parents that she did.

“Her mother would have said no,” John explained.

“So she texted me, ‘Dad can I go out to get ice cream?’ but I didn’t reply because I got out of surgery at eight o’clock so there’s no use replying to that.”

The following morning, Lily’s older brother raced into John’s hospital room and said: “Dad, something’s happened.”

John knew something was wrong because he hadn’t heard from Lily since she sent that message.

He replied: “Tell me it’s not about Lily.”

At that point, her brother broke down and cried.

Lily and Gabby did go to McDonald’s to get ice cream. They also met up with friends Summer Williams, 14, Antonio Desisto, 15, Tyrese Bechard, 15, and hopped in the car with P-plate driver Tyrell Edwards, 18.

There were six people in the five-person Nissan Navara as it hurtled down East Parade in the dark, travelling at 147km/h in a 60km zone. Only one person was wearing a seatbelt.

Tyrell lost control of the car and it smashed into a tree. The force of the impact split the vehicle in two, teenagers were flung from the car and splattered onto the road.

The scene of the crash on East Road in Buxton in Sydney. Picture: John Grainger

Tributes, flowers and other memorials were left at the crash site. Picture: NewsWire/ Monique Harmer

Gabby’s parents were so worried by 9pm that her father went out looking, stumbling upon the wreckage. The scene was so confronting that it was difficult to tell exactly how many people were in the car.

Tyrell, now 20, was the sole survivor and is now serving a minimum of seven years in jail.

“I know this will anger some people, but I think seven years is fair,” John said.

“He was young and he was stupid, and his life is destroyed now too. Everyone was young at some point and we’ve all done stupid things. How many people do you talk to who say, ‘I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself or my mates doing something stupid?’.”

“I know I haven’t got Lily in my life anymore so it wouldn’t matter even if he got a life sentence, my daughter’s not coming back.”

John blames Tyrell for what happened, but he also partly blames himself for failing to tell Lily to get out of a car if she felt uncomfortable.

Weeks after the crash, John found out that Lily had been in the car with Tyrell before. She was so shaken by his driving that she phoned her older brother for advice, who told her: “Don’t you ever get back in that car.”

John doesn’t know why Lily didn’t tell Tyrell to stop the car – she was confident and didn’t shy away from speaking her mind, but he also concedes that he doesn’t know what the situation was, whether she felt pressured to stay silent, or whether anyone in the car did speak up.

He is still disappointed with her for not wearing a seatbelt.

“I thought I brought her up better than that,” he said. “But I don’t need to forgive her for that, we all make mistakes, it’s just that hers cost her life.”

John Van De Putte wished he had told Lily to get out of a car if she ever felt uncomfortable. Picture: Tim Hunter

More than two years on from the crash, John thinks about Lily every day and almost expects her to come bounding through the door. If she did, he would ask her: “What the f**k were you thinking?”

“I know she won’t, I saw her in the morgue so I know, but it feels like she will,” he said.

John said young drivers need to understand that having a car is like a loaded weapon. He suggested speed locks in certain areas, preventing drivers from travelling beyond the limit on certain sections of road. Similar technology exists for people convicted of drink driving offences.

But the main aspects he wanted to focus on was tackling generational speeding, education in primary schools to help future drivers understand the need for caution, and better public transport fewer people use the roads.

“Someone needs to step up and say ‘this is what we need to do’ and not worry about who they offend because there is nothing worse than losing your child,” he said.

“I wake up in the morning and I used to think looking at my wheelchair was the worst thing, but now I wake up and I think about how my daughter is gone and that’s just soul-breaking.”

Originally published as John Van De Putte tells of grief and advice that could have saved his daughter Lily from a car crash