South Australia police stations: The best, the worst and the most bizarre reviews posted on Google

From “first rate” accommodation and professional “hourly room checks” to begging the boys to let them out – these are the best reviews of SA’s local cop shops.

The cop shop. The nick. Whatever you want to call it, the police station is not somewhere you usually want to go.

Aside from getting important documents signed, it usually means you’ve been the victim of something, be it a theft, a break-in, a stolen car or even an assault.

There is, of course, another reason why you could find yourself in front of the charging desk. That’s right, you’ve paid a visit not ‘under your own steam’.

You’ve broken the law and you’ve got to pay the piper.

Join The Messenger as we take a light hearted look at some of the funniest – and most bizarre – responses from those who’ve dropped-by — or been dropped-in — the local cop shop and left a Google review.

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth Police Complex. Picture: AAP Image / Keryn Stevens

Despite having the same name as the longest reigning monarch in British history, our Elizabeth is often known for a few different reasons and let’s just say grace isn’t one of them.

Racking up over 50 Google reviews, the local ‘Elizabethan’ have plenty to say when it comes to their local shop and its facilities.

“I stayed here for three days before I was sent to prison great service and helpful staff newly updated,” Graham Coller wrote.

While it was all sunshine and rainbows for Graham, old mate “James F” has had a harder time with authorities, offering only one star for his review.

“Been trying to report my neighbours for partying all night and day for two days now. No answer at all. Amazing service,” he wrote.

CHRISTIES BEACH

Christies Beach Police Station.

The service in Adelaide’s south gets similar reviews to its cross town rivals however, it’s the cop shop’s architecture that makes it or break for its guests.

“Architect was a bit bland really,” a user going under the alias “The Pretty Intended” submitted.

For others, it was the limited supply of the daily rag that left a bad taste while some would happily attend again after having to reclaim their lost property.

“Accommodation is first rate. Meals are served in a professional manner with hourly room check. No morning newspaper,” David Stevenson submitted on Google.

“Dropped my phone around KFC Noarlunga and a good Samaritan took the phone to Christies Beach Police Station, who later rang my husband to pick the phone. Thank you so much and to the lady who picked my phone, much blessings upon you,” Wanjiru Karanja wrote.

HINDLEY STREET

Hindley Street Police Station. Picture: Dean Martin

Our main party drag certainly provided the party in the Google review section with over 36 of them for the main house, plus people submitting general inquiries like it’s a community Facebook forum.

“I got pulled over for drink driving which is apparently illegal, very Bad yes?” a user titled “Big Beach Boy” submitted.

A chap named “the Literal Pope” who let’s be honest, isn’t the literal Pope, asked to be let out of the establishment before his stay was over.

“Tell the boys to let me out the cell,” they wrote.

Bryce Williams made the tough call of deducting stars from his review because of “the man”.

“Some of the police who work out of this station are great people who I really respect but ultimately I am deducting three stars because the man is keeping us all down,” he submitted.

“Personally, I would like to see more hoons and ‘engine revvers’ fined for their anti-social behaviour at which point I’ll improve the currently awarded rating.”

A groundbreaking call Bryce, your three stars will be felt across the station.

STURT

The Sturt Police Station. Picture: AAP Image/Kelly Barnes

It seems those using the Sturt Police Station care about the looks of the officers on duty first, first and their service second.

While the Google reviews are a mixed bag, Suzanne Ziegelmueller’s five-star review is simply just her shooting her shot.

“Really hot, call me,” she wrote.

Thomas Klingner was a less-than-impressed customer, leaving an sombre one-star review.

“Blonde female police officer was extremely rude and condescending and was invalidating the victim of a car crash,” he said.

“Not helpful and victim blaming, garbage excuse for an employee. Stop hiring entitled privileged people with raging attitude, power and ego issues.”

It’s 2021, if you’re still going after someone’s appearances first rather than their job, grow up.

GAWLER

Gawler Police Station. Picture: Stephen Laffer

With the international borders opening back up, it would be a fair assumption to say booking nice accommodation may get a little competitive, but for Mattmyth O’Riley, he would happily but his hand up for another night at the Gawler Police Station.

“Had a great stay, great service and didn't even make me feel awkward about the transaction,” he wrote in his review.

“Hygiene could definitely do with some work though. All in all I would definitely go there again.”

Another review written by Rob Morris said he was satisfied with the service he was provided at the Conan St facility, but we can’t help but wonder if he submitted his review with the whole context?

“The officer was very helpful, but I was too late,” he wrote.

Too late for what Rob? We need some background.

MOUNT BARKER

Mount Barker Police Station. Picture: Google Maps

Its neighbour may be currently fighting concerns about it becoming an art gallery, but for these Hills residents it’s clearly hard to decipher whether they live in Springfield with Homer and Marge or Mount Barker.

“I spoke to a couple of excellent female police officers, but unfortunately when I went back I spoke to Chief Clancy Wiggum,” reviewer Laura B submitted.

“Some obviously need re-education and to lose their cynicism and bias. Anyone willing to go the distance with these officers needs a medal.”

Jeremy Williams was ready to offer his gratitude to those serving the community, with one of the nicest comments we have read (trust us, we have read through a lot).

“Thank you Mt Barker police. A super professional, competent team. 10/10.”