South Australia’s 10 dumbest crimes of 2022 revealed
From a man who accidentally shot himself in a brawl to a lawyer admitting a client wasn’t the “sharpest tool in the shed”, these bumbling criminals show crime doesn’t pay.
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South Australia has had its fair share of dumb criminals.
From a criminal who shared their own wanted poster to drug lab explosions, these defendants have joined a long list of bizarre and inexplicable SA cases that have left police scratching – and shaking – their heads.
While some of these crimes have very real victims, the antics displayed here brought a chuckle across South Australia this year.
The Messenger has compiled a list of some of the stupidest offenders to go through court this year.
Ned Kelly
His namesake is Australia’s most famous outlaw – a legendary bushranger who met his end with the immortal words “such is life”.
By comparison, the crimes of Adelaide’s own Ned Kelly are, in the words of the District Court, “extremely unsophisticated” – and far more explosive.
On January 17, 2020, police and MFS crews attended a Camden Park unit complex after one of the dwellings unexpectedly detonated.
Inside, crews found Ned Kelly Voakes sporting burns to 14 per cent of his body – caused, like the explosion itself, by his homemade cannabis oil distillation set-up.
Judge Liesl Kudelka said Voakes’ DIY solution to his cannabis habit could have had far greater consequences.
“You could not get good cannabis for smoking and had never done the process before … your idea was to convert 1.175kg of very cheap, low-grade cannabis to a more potent form,” she said.
“The truth is you were trying to extract cannabis oil using butane canisters, an electric hotplate, a frying pan and a cigarette lighter … it was unsophisticated, rudimentary and dangerous.”
Voakes, 29, of Camden Park, pleaded guilty to one count of manufacturing a controlled drug.
Judge Kudelka suspended Voakes’ 13-month prison term on condition of a three-year good behaviour bond – and ordered he perform 80 hours of community service.
Matthew Verran
Another drug lab explosion led to a marijuana “devotee” suffering serious burns in his mission to produce cannabis oil.
Matthew John Verran, 39, was told he was lucky to not have been killed after he took his passion for medicinal marijuana into his own hands.
The District Court heard the Metropolitan Fire Service attended a Seaford Rise property on October 29, 2019, after reports of a fire and explosions in the back shed.
“You were removed from the premises and taken to hospital, suffering from serious burns and smoke inhalation,” Judge Anthony Allen said during sentencing.
Police were called and found two mature marijuana plants and 29 small plants, which were uncharged.
They also found used butane gas canisters and equipment to make cannabis oil, as well
as 481g of dried marijuana and 120g of cannabis oil at Verran’s Noarlunga Downs address.
Verran, of Christies Downs, pleaded guilty to manufacturing a controlled drug and cultivating controlled plants for supply.
Judge Allen sentenced Verran to two years and two months jail, with a non-parole period of 14-months.
The sentence was suspended on a $500 two-year good behaviour bond, with supervision for 12 months.
Vincenzo Martino
An aspiring builder who hired someone to firebomb a car but sent them to the wrong address ended up targeting an innocent resident.
The District Court heard Vincenzo Martino, 34, who was storing drugs at his house in return for drugs for compensation, was chasing a debt.
“You believed, mistakenly, that the debtor lived at a particular address and you arranged for another individual to drive past and fire bomb any vehicle that was in the driveway,” Judge Joanne Tracey said during sentencing.
A Happy Valley resident was woken up by a loud explosion on September 5, 2020 and saw flames close to where his car was parked.
He used a fire extinguisher to extinguish the flames and called police.
Police found remnants of two Molotov cocktails.
“It was the case that the actual debtor lived at another address nearby,” Judge Tracey said.
Adding on a previous sentence, Judge Tracey sentenced Martino to six years and one month jail, with a non-parole period of 33-months.
The sentence was backdated to September 24, 2020.
Nathan Hopgood and Beau Scorgie
A meth-inspired attempt to hold up two pubs in the same night came undone for a bumbling robber after his fake gun was exposed by a group of diners, who chased him and his accomplice out of the second venue empty-handed.
In the District Court, Nathan James Hopgood, 39, and Beau Scorgie, 49, both pleaded guilty to attempted aggravated robbery over the bizarre incident on July 18, 2021.
The court heard Hopgood kicked off the crime spree solo when he used a fake pistol to steal $770 from a cashier at the Windsor Hotel in Windsor Gardens at about 6.35pm.
After fleeing in a Nissan Pulsar getaway car, Hopgood then recruited Scorgie, his cousin, for the second attempted hold up at the Reepham Hotel at Prospect almost two hours later.
At about 8.20pm, the pair entered the hotel with Hopgood dressed in the same distinctive black hoodie he wore to the first robbery and Scorgie wearing a gas mask.
Judge Paul Muscat said after unsuccessful attempts to open a cashier’s till and steal a patron’s winnings from a pokie machine, the attempted robbery went from bad to worse for the hapless pair.
“Members of a family who were having a meal at the hotel approached and challenged you (Hopgood) after which you pointed the imitation pistol at them,” Judge Muscat said.
“They believed it was an imitation firearm. They then confronted you armed with furniture and both you and Scorgie ran out of the hotel empty-handed.
The court heard the pair were pursued outside by the family who confronted them inside the hotel, before making a narrow escape to a waiting getaway car.
However one of the family members caused the passenger side mirror to dislodge while attempting to open the door of the vehicle, a piece of evidence which would lead to the pair’s downfall.
About an hour later, police responded to a report that two men were disposing of items in nearby Brompton, locating the distinctive hoodie Hopgood wore during the robberies and a gas mask similar to the one worn by Scorgie.
Police arrested the pair in a nearby home.
Judge Muscat sentenced Hopegood to nine years in jail with a non-parole period of five-and-a-half years, while Scorgie received four years and five months in prison with a non-parole period of two years and two months.
Bradley Millowick
A Mount Gambier man arrested in Bordertown after spending weeks on the run pleaded guilty to assaulting a man and will remain behind bars.
Bradley James Millowick, 22, shared his own wanted poster to his Facebook account, prior to his arrest, after police made two public appeals to help locate the man
While on the run, Millowick’s mother made several pleas for him to turn himself in on Facebook.
“We’ve the proof n witnesses to Bak you, time to fight these lieing dog cops (sic),” Ms Millowick said.
“You stood up for ya morals n family.”
Despite his mother’s claims, Millowick pleaded guilty to aggravated assault causing harm with a weapon.
Millowick fronted court in June and narrowly avoided jail over two serious assaults committed hours apart on July 28.
In one of the attacks Millowick lured his victim, who he met while in custody, to his house after inviting him over.
Prosecutor Stephanie Moore previously told the court the victim was dating the ex-girlfriend of Millowick’s co-accused at the time of the assault.
After being taken through the kitchen Millowick and his co-accused began their assault, a court has heard.
The victim was punched, kicked, stomped on and assaulted with wooden sticks by both defendants, a court has heard.
Millowick will face court at a later date for sentencing.
Lachlan Kilgallon
A teenager’s plan to hold up a service station at knifepoint came undone because the employee thought it was a joke and told him to “f*** off”.
Lachlan Harrison Kilgallon, 19, had “lost all control” and was fuelled by a cocktail of drugs when he attempted the brazen robbery.
The District Court heard Kilgallon attended a Woodville North service station on January 26 and approached the attendant at the counter.
“You came up to the counter with your left hand by the waistband of your pants and said ‘give me the money’,” Judge Anthony Allen said during sentencing.
“The victim thought you were joking and responded dismissively by saying ‘yeah, no, f*** off, mate’.”
The court heard after multiple demands for cash were denied, Kilgallon reached underneath the Covid-safe screen and thrust a knife in the victim’s direction.
Kilgallon then demanded some cigarettes and lunged and stabbed at the counter with the knife.
He eventually left the store and was arrested later that day.
The court heard Kilgallon had consumed a cocktail of illicit substances before the offending, including cocaine, MDMA, prescription drugs and alcohol.
Judge Allen sentenced Kilgallon to two years and three months in jail, with a non-parole period of 16 months.
Due to Kilgallon’s youth and rehabilitation, the sentence was suspended on a two-year, $500 good behaviour bond, with supervision.
Scott Glacken
A man who escalated an intense neighbourhood brawl ended up shooting himself in the chest after he accidentally aimed the firearm towards himself, a court has heard
Scott Aaron Glacken, 29, was jailed for more than three years after his choice to grab a gun in the heated dispute went horribly awry.
The District Court heard a fight broke out between Glacken, who was carrying a metal pole, his neighbour and his neighbour’s brother on May 10, 2020 at Elizabeth Park.
“The fight was captured on CCTV and the footage shows you all pushing and punching each other,” Judge Joanne Tracey said during sentencing.
“You threatened your neighbour’s brother with the pole before headbutting him.
“At some point during the altercation, you threatened to shoot your neighbour.”
Later that night, Glacken’s neighbour had some guests over and abuse was being hurled between the two houses.
Two of the men at Glacken’s neighbour’s house walked over and invited the two men in his driveway to fight.
Glacken then walked out of the garage holding a firearm.
“Another man at your address yelled ‘just shoot him, just shoot him’,” Judge Tracey said.
“At this point you discharged the firearm but it seems you managed to shoot yourself.”
Glacken pleaded guilty to multiple offences, including affray and discharging a firearm to annoy or frighten.
The court heard Glacken suffered a gunshot wound to his right upper chest area and was hospitalised for two weeks.
“This is consistent with you accidentally aiming the firearm towards yourself at the point of discharge,” Judge Tracey said.
Judge Tracey sentenced Glacken to three years and seven months jail, with a non-parole period of 22 months.
Aaron Lloyd
A father-of-four caught with a loaded gun in the same bum bag as his ID and undies was reminded by a judge who said he should have known how dangerous they are.
Aaron Elias Lloyd, 34, was once an aspiring AFL player but descended into drug use and crime after he was shot several years ago.
Lloyd was found guilty in August by Judge Timothy Heffernan in the District Court of possessing a loaded firearm.
During sentencing, the District Court heard police attended an Elizabeth Vale premises in March 2020.
Police searched the house and Holden sedan parked outside.
Inside a Nike bum bag police found a sawn-off Winchester single barrel 12-gauge shotgun, loaded with a round of ammunition and loose rounds of ammunition.
The court heard Lloyd’s underwear, socks and wallet with bank cards and identification were also found in the bum bag, as well as a camouflage balaclava.
David Moen, for Lloyd, told the court during his trial he would have to be “pretty bloody stupid” to have left his identification inside the bum bag with the gun.
“My client – I’m not going to be disrespectful – he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed,” he said.
“But he’s not a person who is not worldly wise if I can put it that way, in the sense of being involved in criminal activity.”
Adding on a previous sentence Lloyd is currently serving, Judge Heffernan sentenced him to eight years and one month jail, with a non-parole period of four years and 11 months.
Joshua McFarlane
A thug who tried to convince a court that he must have passively inhaled meth was told he had used up his last chance.
Joshua John McFarlane, 30, was jailed in the District Court, after the “powerful incentive” of caring for his terminally ill mother wasn’t enough to quit meth.
McFarlane, who pleaded guilty to assault and theft, was ordered in February to serve his 13-month jail term, with a non-parole period of seven months on home detention.
The court previously heard the victim drove to a Christies Downs address on November 8, 2019.
“There he, and an acquaintance of his, went into a shed so his acquaintance could smoke some methamphetamine,” Judge Paul Muscat said during sentencing.
McFarlane arrived at the shed with another man.
“Both of you were armed. You were carrying a tomahawk and your companion was holding a hammer,” Judge Muscat said.
The victim tried to leave but McFarlane demanded his car keys and mobile.
“Your co-offender then threatened the victim with a hammer and also struck him on the left leg with it,” Judge Muscat said.
“At some point, the victim says that he was also tasered.”
A condition of McFarlane’s sentence was that he wasn’t allowed to consume illicit drugs.
The District Court heard McFarlane had relapsed into methamphetamine use and returned positive drug tests.
Indianna Davis, for McFarlane, previously told the court he said he hadn’t consumed methamphetamine on one occasion and must have passively inhaled it.
However, after the court received an expert’s opinion, it was determined that the levels of methamphetamine in McFarlane’s urine contradicted this.
McFarlane, of Morphett Vale, pleaded guilty to breaching his home detention order.
Judge Muscat revoked McFarlane’s home detention order and ordered the balance be served in custody.
McFarlane will be required to serve over five months in custody before he is eligible for parole.
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