The 10 things blokes should NOT do on dating sites like Tinder, Bumble and Plenty of Fish
We’ve swiped and trawled the dating sites and found some of Adelaide’s most interesting dating profiles. These are the 10 things blokes should definitely avoid doing.
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Talk to anyone who’s waded into the mire of the online dating scene and they’ll tell you it’s a jungle out there. Literally. You’ll find tigers and the odd cougar.
So, is there really a man drought in Adelaide? Well, there’s definitely a glut of dating profiles that are truly cringe-worthy.
We didn’t need to furiously swipe Tinder or trawl too hard through a range of other popular sites - including Plenty of Fish and Bumble - to find some of Adelaide’s most egregious dating sins.
From scribbling out your ex’s face, to listing your fetishes one by one, here’s our top 10 commandments of what NOT to do on your profile to get the girl.
↓↓↓ SCROLL DOWN TO EXPLORE OUR TOP DATING DON’TS ↓↓↓
PHOTOS WITH OTHERS
Thou shalt only post a solo pic as your first profile pic. Please repeat after us. Not with your kids in them. Not even if you love the photo. Not ever. And also not with your ex. Even if you have scribbled out their face. Just crop them out. Oh, and if you see a pic on someone’s profile and there’s what you hope is a Hugh Jackman look alike on the left, you won’t be dating a celeb. The man in question will be one on the right, posing with the superstar.
THE HONEST TRUTH
While Tinder started as a hook-up app, it has somewhat moved on. But there’s still a lot of people just looking for connections of the purely physical kind. There’s a lot of married men looking for fun elsewhere – rest assured it’s usually in office hours, and if they’re looking for “discreet” fun - nine times out of ten, they can’t spell it. At least they’re being honest about it, we guess.
COUGAR CHASERS
“That’s what I love about older women, you don’t play games,” (let’s call him) Carl writes. Perhaps that’s why there’s a plethora of boys - and they are boys - inflating their ages on the swipey swipey apps. Sometimes by up to 20 years. Not so much for the intelligent chats, more wanting to spend “sexy time”. It also goes the other way though. Captain J, 49, turned out to be 59, mere months away from qualifying for his senior card. Why did he wipe a whole decade from his life? “Otherwise I wouldn’t be in young hot women’s – such as yourself - age range.” Sigh!
SHOW YOUR FACE!
We want to see your face. Not your dog, not your favourite spot for a latte, or your motorbike. And especially not your abs. Don’t cryptically imply you are a high-profile businessman so can’t possibly share any pictures online *eyeroll*. If you say you’ll share pics when we connect, it makes us wonder if you want to win us over with your personality first. Oh, and one more thing - no more mirrored sunglasses or strategically-placed baseball caps. Just no.
SYMPATHY VOTE
These are the ones who try to tug at your heartstrings … please feel very sorry for me. My ex-wife had an affair. I haven’t experienced intimacy in years. I’m married but I just want someone to hold me. I’m just looking for a cuddle buddy. C’mon just sell yourself - try humour. Even self-deprecating humour works.
CREEPY COSTUMES
What. Are. You. Wearing? Our eyes hurt just having to see these. Using your favourite Halloween dress up photo (at least, we hope that’s what these are) is a big no-no. Firstly, refer back to Show your Face. Secondly, it takes the creep factor of your profile to a whole next level. A guaranteed way to get the ladies to swipe left.
420 FRIENDLY
Allow us to enlighten you: ‘420 friendly’ is a dating declaration that the person is a recreational marijuana user and is totally cool if their wannabe partner is, too.
We could almost hear the applause from local blokes hunting for their ‘420’ matches when SA was recently declared the country’s cannabis capital. But if this is your No.1 hobby then a) get another hobby, and b) save that convo for the DMs.
TIGER POSERS
So you travelled to Thailand. And you wanted a photo posing with a drugged-out tiger for your social media profile, whether it was ethical to do so or not. But just so the blokes of Adelaide are aware, your big cat snap does not make you unique - there’s an alarming amount of you with this type of photo on your profile. It makes you stand out – in a bad way. Photos of you with your domestic pets, however, are permitted.
TALKING SEX
“I love it when a chick peas on my face,” one single guy proudly declares on his profile while holding up a can of chickpeas. Ugh. Leave the teenage boy humour for the footy trip, fellas. It gets worse. Another is seeking “reverse parking girls only”, while another is “open to couples” and offering bonus points for … well, start swiping our interactive if you really want to know. Top marks for being upfront about your shopping list, but is nothing left to the actual bedroom in the online dating world? Apparently not.
KINK FACTOR
The Kink Factor makes Talking Sex seem very, very tame. It’s a smorgasbord out there, with not much vanilla ice cream for dessert. Move over Fifty Shades of Grey, this man is a “dominant professional with a touch of kink” and a penchant for leather pants. And this fella wants a ONS for “role play, dress ups”. Aren’t there other “dating” apps for this? How about you take your fetishes to another site, please and thank you.