Rebecca Gibney on marriage, mental health and family violence

In a revealing new interview, Rebecca Gibney discusses her mental health struggles, family violence - and the reason behind her enduring decades-long marriage.

Rebecca Gibney is the guest on Stellar’s podcast, Something to Talk About. Picture: Nick Wilson

In a new interview with Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About, the Logie Award-winning

actor explains how refusing to sweat the small stuff has been the key to both her successful marriage and her enduring career, as she also discusses her intriguing new TV series, her bond with the Packed To The Rafters cast and why she is “thrilled” to be turning 60 next year

On her relationship with Richard Bell, her husband of 21 years with whom she currently lives in New Zealand, and who she has referred to as her “best friend” in two previous interviews with Stellar:

“You’ve got to have an open line of communication, an honesty – and really be prepared to answer hard questions and discuss hard things. Richard has been through menopause with me now and just stuck by me. I was able to express what I was going through. He’s always been my best friend. When you find love later in life – we were in our 30s – you realise that it’s not about the fireworks and all that. Certainly we had that, but we both knew going into it we wanted the long-term thing. You know, maybe the romance might wane, [but] compromise is key as well. You have to be able to step back and go, it is better to be kind than right sometimes? Get your ego, your pride out of the way. This argument, is it going to matter in five minutes, five years, 50 years? Probably not. So, you know, take your foot off the gas.”

Listen to the full interview with Asher Keddie on Stellar’s podcast, Something To Talk About:

On the value of kindness:

“I’ll never forget [asking the late Australian actor and Gibney’s co-star on The Flying Doctors] Maurie Fields when I first started [the series in 1986], what’s the secret to a long career? And he [said], ‘Don’t be a dick. Show up on time, be kind, and make sure you treat everyone with respect.’ Mum had always taught me that anyway. But it really stuck with me and I was determined to always do that. Look, sometimes I’m not the best actor for the job, but I know people will employ me because they’ll go, ‘She’s going to show up on time, know her lines and be kind.’ Ultimately, particularly as you get older and all the other stuff starts falling away, you go to bed at night, you put your head on the pillow and go, I did good today because I tried to be kind to someone.”

It’s cool to be kind for Rebecca Gibney. Picture: Nick Wilson

On her new TV series Prosper, in which she plays Abi Quinn, who heads an evangelical mega-church alongside her pastor husband Cal (Richard Roxburgh) and her personal feelings about faith:

“[The show isn’t] about pulling down Christianity. It’s not having a go at the church. It’s about a family and the secrets they carry while they’re trying to protect this juggernaut. I love Abi because she is a contradiction in some ways. She’s dogged in her faith and determined to protect her family and the church at all costs.

I grew up with faith. We were raised Christian. I don’t believe there’s an old man up there with a stick who hands out judgement. I think every religion in its purest sense is preaching the same thing: love one another, forgive one another, don’t judge one another, be kind. It shouldn’t be about power and land grabbing. When you die, you can’t take any of that with you. When are you going to wake up and realise it’s about love, forgiveness, compassion and kindness? Religion, in its purest sense, does teach that. Somewhere along the way people have stuffed it up and got it wrong.”

On her continued bond with fellow cast members from Packed To The Rafters, the hit series on which she co-starred from 2008 to 2013 with the likes of Erik Thomson, Hugh Sheridan, George Houvardas, Jessica Marais, Michael Caton and Zoë Ventoura:

“I was blown away when I had my This Is Your Life last year and Erik, George and Zoë showed up and Hugh piped in from overseas. I got a message from Hugh this morning because we send each other stupid memes on Instagram. I’m in touch with as many of them as I can be. They’re such great fun, they’re really good people and I constantly say thank you to [producers] Jo Porter and Chris Martin-Jones, who put us together way back. They knew even then that they were creating something special.”

’I can just look at the beauty of the world.’ Rebecca Gibney is keeping it real. Picture: Nick Wilson

On her bond with Sheridan, and her thoughts on his 2020 Stellar interview and essay in which he addressed rumours about his sexuality and confirmed same-sex relationships for the first time:

“I met Hugh when he was 22. Over the course of doing Rafters, we often talked about sexuality and who he was dating. We all knew that Hugh had dated men and women, but there was a pressure – and sometimes there’s still a stigma attached that if you come out and say you’re gay or whatever, that’s all you’re ever going to be able to play. We’re actors first and foremost. So I kept trying to say to him, ‘You shouldn’t have to sit on who you really are’ but in the same breath, there should be privacy. What I love about Hugh is that he refused to be labelled and still refuses to be labelled. I think that’s a great thing because I’m kind of like that as well. Hugh is one of those people [who] makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room. Doesn’t matter who it is; you could be the president of wherever, or you could be the person bringing a cup of tea. He’s a joyous gift to the world. I love him, absolutely adore him.”

On how her decision to speak openly about mental health struggles and her exposure to domestic violence (her late father, who had an addiction to alcohol, was abusive toward her mother during her childhood) has impacted the wider conversations around both topics:

“When I started talking about my mental health struggles and anxiety that lasted from the age of 14 into my 30s, it was a relief. I could drop the mask of pretending that I was OK. What I’m loving seeing is that more and more people are now going, ‘I’m not OK.’ There’s still a long way to go with domestic violence, unfortunately. We still don’t want to talk about it. We need to really drill down [and ask] ‘Why is this happening?’ We need more education, more centres. We need people to be able to get the help they need. Mum talked about it. Back then it was like, why didn’t she just leave? Well, Mum had six children and nowhere to go. Education starts in the home and at school. We need to teach our young people – particularly our males – there are boundaries. Violence is never the answer.”

On how she feels ahead of turning 60 next December:

“I’m thrilled to be turning 60. As you get older, every year that goes by as you head toward 60 or 70 or 80, you’re really thankful because you recognise that your body is a machine that actually does need to be fuelled right. You do need to look after it. There are more aches and pains, things do start going wrong and friends start getting sick. I’m so grateful to be here and I guess that’s probably because I have lost friends, so I recognise the privilege of being here. I’m probably going to [spend my 60th birthday] cracking open something nice with my family, hopefully somewhere close to a river or a tree. I can just look at the beauty of the world. I try very hard to just be grateful for this. I’m not even thinking about turning 60, but when I do, I go … ‘Yeah, another year. Aren’t I lucky?’”  

Prosper premieres January 18 on Stan. Find more from Stellar inside The Sunday Telegraph (NSW), Sunday Herald Sun (VIC), The Sunday Mail (QLD) and Sunday Mail (SA). For more episodes of Something to Talk About, click here.

Originally published as Rebecca Gibney on marriage, mental health and family violence