‘It ruined my life’: Candice Warner sets the record straight on THAT encounter

A fateful night in a hotel bathroom has haunted Candice Warner for more than 15 years. Now, in a very frank and exclusive interview, she recalls the pain of being humiliated – and how she found herself again.

As a one-time Ironwoman, Candice Warner has long found solace and self-worth through running. But for more than 15 years, she has struggled to outrun the shame and heartache that have followed her owing to a fateful encounter in a hotel bathroom. That singular incident put her and her family through an emotional wringer for “years we can never get back”, and forced her to reckon with stunning misogyny and cruelty. Now, as she prepares to release her memoir, Warner sits down for an exclusive and emotional interview in a new episode of the Stellar podcast Something To Talk About, as she recalls the pain of being publicly humiliated – and the power she learnt to wield as a result: “I’m a strong woman. I need my daughters to know that kind of behaviour is not tolerated. We can confront anyone. We’re strong and we’re powerful”.

On turning to running as a strategy to improve her mental health during a difficult period as a young adult:

“I did seek some help for a time. I was never diagnosed with depression, but I was definitely blue. There was something wrong and it came from putting a lot of pressure on myself. If I wasn’t winning, then I wasn’t enjoying it. I ostracised a lot of my friends because they didn’t have goals like I did. I didn’t want to be like everyone else. I just wanted to win, and that came at a cost. So there was a moment where I just couldn’t take it anymore and my mum said, ‘You need to see someone.’ I never really had a relationship with my family where I felt like I could open up. Put on a tough, brave front; put up a wall; don’t talk about your feelings; you’ll be fine. It served me well, but at times failed me. Mum knew I had to go see someone. [The counsellor] said, ‘You know, you don’t need to be medicated. You need to just get outside and you need to run. Run for you. Don’t set goals, don’t set boundaries, don’t set a time that you have to do. Just run.’ And that’s what I did. I wouldn’t say it became an obsession, but it became my medicine and it helped me immensely. With so many different things that have happened in my life, that’s what I’ve turned to – whether dealing with Covid, the events of 2018 [when her husband, Australian cricketer David Warner, was involved in a ball-tampering scandal], dealing with everything else … it was running that saved me.”

Candice Warner: ‘It’s so hard to put into words without bursting into tears because it was so painful. It still is.’ Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

On the emotional toll that still lingers from the public shaming after her 2007 encounter as a single young woman in a Sydney hotel bathroom with then-NRL player Sonny Bill Williams – who, at the time, had a girlfriend. The incident was illicitly photographed by a patron and leaked to the media:

“I still carry that scar and hurt [Warner starts to cry]. But the fact my family had to be humiliated, that it changed their lives … Looking back, it was handled so poorly. It was really embarrassing. I put myself in a position I shouldn’t have. The thing is, it’s followed me. It still follows me. In [Sonny’s] book it might have been one chapter, one paragraph. For me, my husband, my kids, my family – it hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten better, but it’s amazing how one mistake as a young woman can have huge implications on your life. No-one wanted to give me any work after that. No-one respected me as an Ironwoman. Everywhere I went, I wanted to put a hat on and sunglasses … It was horrible. [The story] just kept having legs. It kept getting clicked on, the headlines were all salacious … It’s so hard to put into words without bursting into tears because it was so painful. It still is. One day I’m going to have to explain to my girls what it’s all about. That’s heartbreaking.”

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On what really happened inside that hotel bathroom – Warner stresses in her memoir that, while many people have assumed for years it was a sexual encounter, it was merely “a pash in the pub”:

“That’s what’s so hard, because no-one ever asked me what happened [crying], nor did they want to know. People just wanted some juicy story, and didn’t realise it could come at a cost of someone’s life. I got so close to ending it … I think because it was such a big thing, people didn’t feel comfortable asking me what happened. People made assumptions. They wanted the juicy gossip. They wanted to run with that because that was more exciting. That was what was going to sell papers. At the core of that was a young woman who didn’t do anything wrong … The only thing I did wrong was go into a place I shouldn’t have been. That was it. Yet it ruined my life. It ruined parts of my family’s life – years we can never get back. I don’t know how I’m still here … Because I dealt with it all on my own.”

Candice Warner: ‘He had to look out for what was best for him and I was just trying to do what was best for me.’ Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

Candice Warner on set for Stellar. ’ Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar.

On whether she feels any resentment or anger toward Williams, given he never spoke out and corrected the public record regarding their encounter at the Clovelly Hotel:

“I don’t have any feelings towards him. He’s married with a beautiful family now, so he’s doing what’s best for him. I did reach out, but I also didn’t expect to hear anything. I mean, he was still playing footy and I don’t think it was even the biggest thing that month for him because then he … left the Bulldogs and went overseas. So I can’t speak for him. I can only speak for myself. It probably would have been nice to have a chat and see how we were both feeling, because it clearly affected us both. But he had to look out for what was best for him and I was just trying to do what was best for me.”

On how she feels about having been convinced by her then-agent to publicly apologise just days after the incident:

“I look back and think, why would I have ever apologised? For what? I was single. I didn’t do anything wrong. But times have changed. You know, the whole #MeToo movement has really affected everyone … I was told [it] was the right thing and the best thing for my image to apologise to my family, to Sonny’s girlfriend. I mean, it blows my mind now that that’s the way we all thought was the best way to approach that situation. Now it infuriates me. It angers me. But at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do.”

On facing down her nerves before her wedding to Australian cricketer David Warner in 2015:

“The night before our wedding should have been a moment where I was so happy. I’m just about to marry the love of my life! But I felt so alone. And some of those demons came back. I was so comfortable with who I was, about to marry the man I love … but also take his name. What would I stand for then? What would I represent? I was having some negative thoughts; I wasn’t myself. All my friends were already there and I said, do you mind [coming] for a run with me tomorrow morning? They thought I was mad, but they understood. And it was beautiful, a little bit wet – it was raining – but it was what I needed to go, yeah, I can do this.”

Candice Warner: ‘I need my daughters to know … that kind of behaviour is not tolerated.’ Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

On the stormy 2018 tour of South Africa, when the Australian cricket team was embroiled in a ball-tampering scandal, and local fans trolled the Warners by wearing Sonny Bill Williams masks in the stands:

“I remember going to the game [the third Test match in Cape Town] scared, anxious, frightened and thinking, OK, what do I do? Hey, do I turn around and not go? If I did that, David would be thinking, where’s Candice? And then he would have known it affected me and then it would affect him and it [would have] had the spiralling effect. So I’m like, no, I need to be there. I need to front up and show Dave that I’m OK. I remember standing there and just thinking that all eyes in that stadium were looking up at me, when I’m just breaking inside. I was again embarrassed that my past had been brought up and that now, not just David, [but] the Australian cricket team had to deal with my past. That killed me. The next day it got worse … They said they were going to stop the masks and the songbooks being handed out, when in fact … the South African officials said, ‘No, no, we’re not going to stop this. This is OK.’ So they then allowed the masks to go out again. South African officials [were] having photos [taken with spectators] with the masks on. Some Australian supporters were having their photos taken. It just escalated. And it was appalling that they thought it was OK to laugh at someone’s past like that, to make me feel so little in front of my kids, my mother, my husband. I couldn’t believe that my past had now reared its head again. Then Darren Lehmann, the coach at the time, had to come out and support me. And [others] said it was in my best interest to keep my mouth shut. Not, ‘Are you OK? How can we support you through this?’ That’s just rubbish.”

On an incident in 2022 at Adelaide Oval, when she was heckled by a group of men in the stands while in attendance with her three- and eight-year-old daughters:

“Adelaide Oval is quite different to other ovals, where you can get access to the place. So generally at lunchtime, I’ll take the girls down and we’ll walk from the box that we’re in – through the public, through the members – [to] an allocated section. We’re doing that, and I’ve got Ivy in one hand and my youngest, Isla, in the other. And a group of men in their mid-30s started yelling out, one man in particular. I walked for another couple of steps and then I stopped. Ivy said, ‘What are they saying, Mum?’ In that split second I thought, do I keep walking? Or do I not just stand up for myself, to teach my daughters a lesson? Ivy’s eight, and I often talk to her about standing up to bullies, knowing your worth, all that kind of stuff. So I thought, you know what? I need to practise what I preach. So I went back and approached them in a real calm way – which can be difficult for me because I am a bit hot-headed and I can go off. I just said, ‘Excuse me, what did you say?’ And the guys were just gobsmacked. Then they didn’t say anything. And I said, ‘Does it make you feel proud trying to embarrass me and to say those things in front of my daughters? Well done, you embarrassed me. And that’s not on.’ There was a crowd around us. Not one person – not one, who could see a mother who was clearly distressed with two young girls – stopped to see if I was OK. I can take when the cricket people are yelling things out in a sporting match like, ‘Oh, you haven’t scored runs, Warner’ or, ‘Your husband’s crap.’ That’s fine. But when it’s direct abuse at me, that’s not OK. We ended up walking away and Ivy was like, ‘Mum, why did you do that?’ And I said, ‘Ivy, no matter how big or small, male or female, that is not OK. It is not OK to belittle someone, to abuse someone. You need to stand up to these people.’ I was really proud of myself. I’m a strong woman. I don’t need security. I don’t need anything like that. But I need my daughters to know that as a young female, turning into a woman, that kind of behaviour is not tolerated. We can confront anyone. We’re strong and we’re powerful.”

Candice Warner stars on the cover of this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

On what being a mother has taught her:

“It’s taught me everything. It’s taught me patience. It’s taught me a love that I didn’t know existed. My girls … [crying] oh, here I go again. Every time we speak about my kids, I just cry. My girls are my best friends. You know, I’ve never been part of a group. I’ve always been quite an individual and never really felt like I fit a certain mould. But when I’ve got my girls, I feel like they’re just an extension of me. When they’re so open about their feelings, I’m so proud of them because I never was. When

I see them achieve, it just fills my heart. I think they’re the most beautiful kids in the world. I’m so proud of them. They’re just the best.”

On how her husband David handles fatherhood to their three young daughters:

“He is the best dad ever. We miscarried twice, and I said, ‘You know, would you like to have a little boy? Is that something that you’ve always wanted?’ And he’s like, ‘No, whatever we’re

meant to have is what we’re meant to have.’ So it’s softened him. He’s a really good ‘girl dad’. He loves dressing up with them. He lets them paint his nails. [Our] middle child [Indi Rae] made him this bracelet, so he always plays with a little bracelet on underneath his gloves. To say that it’s made him a better human would be a stretch, but he’s the most wonderful father. He’s patient; he always puts everyone above him. He always had this reputation on the field for being very aggressive. And he is a passionate player, that’s the way he plays best. But he now knows that he’s also a role model – to not just everyone else, but to his daughters. So he needs to be careful as to the way he acts, the things that he says, because our daughters are smart and they go, ‘What did you mean by that, Dadda? Why did you do that? That’s not nice. You told me that I shouldn’t do that.’ So he’s now a lot more accountable.”

Running Strong by Candice Warner (HarperCollins, $39.99) is out on Wednesday. Click here to read an exclusive extract.

Originally published as ‘It ruined my life’: Candice Warner sets the record straight on THAT encounter