David Campbell: ‘This is the Olympic Games of Parenting’
Television presenter David Campbell is getting ready to take on his biggest fatherhood challenge yet. Just don’t ask him if he’s “babysitting” his own children.
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When I’m out with my children, the one comment made by passers-by that really grinds my gears is: “On babysitting duties today?”
Ummm, these are my kids, bro. I am not a hired nanny (or manny). I am their father. It’s such a throwback comment. I realise it’s not meant with any form of malice. I know men weren’t allowed in delivery rooms mere decades ago.
They paced outside with cigars in their shirt pockets, waiting to be shared. I am also aware that some men were great papas yet never changed a nappy (Hi, Dad!).
Times have changed. Men are more hands-on now. We bathe, we soothe, we wrestle, we cook, we wipe and we get spewed on with glee. It’s like a battle scar we can compare with our mates down the pub. “See this on my shirt? Puréed carrots and rice.”
“Mate, that’s nothin’. I changed a number two this morning and it was [holds hands up] THIS big.”
Yet no matter of co-parenting machismo can ready you for when your partner goes away for more than a couple of days.
This is the tunnel I’m staring down now as my wife has to go away for work – for nine days. Not just out of town for a weekend trip with the girls – nine whole days! And the trip is overseas.
A buddy of mine did this for five nights and one child ended up in hospital in a cast. I can’t let this be me.
I need to be seriously ready. Three kids and a puppy who need to be in a routine in our regular chaos is hard with four hands on deck. Now I will be riding solo. Like Uncle Buck but, you know, their dad. Daddy Buck.
It is uncharted territory, my friends, but I am ready. I’ve been training for years for this moment. Now, it is here.
There will be meals to prep, uniforms to wash, school drop-offs and pick-ups to navigate, homework to help with. Then, there’s the real challenge. In the Olympic Games of Parenting, this would be considered the same as the decathlon – extracurricular activities for each child.
The athlete is allowed a car for this event as it’s gruelling. Over the course of one week will be karate, swimming, basketball, ballet, dance (hip-hop, tap, musical theatre and acrobatics), piano and, of course, shot-put, discus and pole vault. (OK, I may have added a few things...)
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A dad has to be well-rested and keep his fluids up to complete this nine-day trial by fire. No breakdowns allowed.
There will be no sympathy from the judges either, who will remind you that this exhausting schedule is handled by most mums 365 days a year (and don’t get me started on what it must be like for single parents).
All jokes from the 1983 classic Mr Mom aside, I’m really looking forward to it. My wife has watched me jet off to Star Wars events in Chicago at a moment’s notice, and has not batted an eyelid about the day-to-day running of the kids. She has done it with a broken arm and twin babies. I can barely handle a head cold.
Well, it’s my turn. I want this time with my kids. I want my wife to fly at her job and not have to worry about whether I can cope.
So if you see me staring into the distance, in shorts and a headband racing for something, just know I’m going for it. I’m going for gold. Gold for Australia...
David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am Monday to Friday, on the Nine Network.
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Originally published as David Campbell: ‘This is the Olympic Games of Parenting’