Slow dating could be the key to surviving the apps

Slow and steady wins the race

Sarah Noonan

3 min read

March 20, 2024 - 10:25AM

Slow dating could be the key to surviving the apps.

Lifestyle

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Forget speed swiping. The hottest way to find love in the digital age is all about putting the brakes on – and not just in the bedroom.

Devon* hadn’t had a proper relationship until she met Charles* online last year. She’d been on various dating apps for over five years, which transpired into a toxic cycle of mediocre meets and occasional hook-ups that found her back on the dark side of online dating: randomly swiping and matching on the apps with no actual intention of forming a real connection, aka doom swiping.

“I would match with guys, we’d talk for a day, maybe two, we’d meet up and then it would fizzle out,” she says. “It was such a repetitive cycle, I completely lost track of my dating intentions.”

In an age where dates are too easily ghosted, connections removed and mobile numbers blocked, modern dating is a harrowing game to be in. But the apps aren’t fully to blame.

Sure, the plethora of potential matches on social platforms like Hinge, Bumble and Tinder can facilitate a scatter-gun approach to meeting new people. But it’s the pace of modern dating that has allowed these digital interventions to trap us, dwindling our patience and tolerance. “It wasn’t until I spent some time off the apps that I was able to find genuine connection again,” admits Devon. But why exactly is that?

Online dating is notorious for its instant gratification – not to mention lack of transparency or authenticity. In fact, according to eHarmony’s Dating Diaries report, 41 per cent of users admit to stretching the truth on their profile to gain more matches and fill their need for validation.

Enter ‘slow dating’, the antithesis of doom swiping and an unsuspecting cure to the toxicity of dating in a digital world. “In slow dating, you choose substance over surface,” says certified dating coach and founder of Sideswiped, Sera Bozza. “It takes a stand against the relentless swipe-and-go mentality where quick matches are mistaken for meaningful connections.”

"Get emotionally naked before you get physically naked". Image: Pexels.

So, how does slow dating – better known as old-school courting to our grandparents – translate to the online realm? For starters, it’s not about being passive or playing hard to get.

“Don’t confuse slow with stagnant,” advises Bozza. “You’re not a spectator in your dating life – slow dating is all about being intentional, rather than impulsive.”

And romance apps have caught on to the customer mood. Many now facilitate this with new elements that put booty calls in the stalls and celebrate meaningful connections instead.

“Tinder’s ‘Explore’ mode, for example, shows you like-minded users,” says Bozza. “It’s a step in the right direction, but it could go a step further. Profile features can dig deeper, with sections that go beyond your favourite shows and delve into your values, passions and what makes you tick.”

After a decade of navigating the nauseating cycle of swipe, match, erase, it’s plausible that everyone’s tired of the static nature of digital dating, and perhaps slow and steady really is the way forward. “It’s about making genuine, deep, authentic connections in a world of fleeting encounters,” says Bozza. “And, let’s be real, isn’t that what we’re all looking for?”

"Get emotionally naked before you get physically naked". Image: Unsplash.

Bozza’s expert tips for slow swiping

Quality, not quantity

“Slow dating is the antidote to love-at-light-speed, so dial down your

swiping. It’s not about an instant ‘hot-or-not’ take on a profile.”

Dig a little deeper

“Skip the small talk and ask questions that get to the bottom of someone’s values, passions and goals. That’s how you know if you’re on the same page.”