Can there ever really be sex without politics?

When elections impact your relationship

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘opposites attract’, but that's becoming less and less true when it comes to love and politics. Here's how to navigate a conversation with a date who sits on the opposite side of the political spectrum. 

In Season two of Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw couldn't help but wonder: “Can there be sex without politics?” In 2024, that question feels almost laughably rhetorical.

The short answer? No.

In today’s dating world, especially in the countdown to the next U.S. presidential election, politics are more entangled with sex, love, and relationships than ever. According to research in the US, political alignment is now a non-negotiable for many singles.

Political dealbreakers are on the rise

Results from the 2024 survey show 28 per cent of Gen Z and millennials have ended relationships due to differing political beliefs. Even more eye-opening? Nearly half of people on both sides of the political spectrum are reluctant to date across party lines. Political beliefs are no longer just opinions; they’re core values. And when values clash, it’s not something you can just “agree to disagree” about.

Dating apps are adapting to this shift, too. Tinder US partnered with Vote.org, enabling voter registration resources in-app and “I Voted” stickers for users to slap on their profiles. But more than getting people to the polls, these features serve a bigger purpose: offering a shortcut to signal, “Here’s where I stand,” without having to grill someone on their political leanings before the first date is up (if you even make it on the date..) 

Heterosexual women often avoid asking men directly about their politics, afraid of getting vague or non-committal answers. Image: iStock

Navigating the politics of dating: when the stakes are high

Based on the same US research, heterosexual women often avoid asking men directly about their politics, afraid of getting vague or non-committal answers. Instead, they drop “proximity questions” about current events or pop culture to gauge where someone stands. It’s a strategic move but points to a more significant issue: people are protecting themselves from potential dealbreakers by skirting around it.

But is sidestepping really a solution? Not if you’re after a real connection. 

But if your goal is a meaningful relationship, contempt will get you nowhere. Image: iStock

How to ask the right questions

When it comes to politics, it’s easy to reduce someone to their stance on one hot-button issue and dismiss them. We’ve all been there: rolling our eyes at that cousin’s rant or cringing at a date’s “crazy” take in the girl's group chat. But if your goal is a meaningful relationship, contempt will get you nowhere.

The first step is checking your own biases. Ask yourself: are you seeing the person before you or just the political caricature you expect? Relationships are more nuanced than a few talking points. 

So before you write someone off, ask genuine questions – not the “gotcha” kind, but those fueled by curiosity. A simple “Where are you coming from with that?” can invite a deeper conversation.

You don’t have to agree, but you do need to listen.

Navigating politics in dating doesn’t mean abandoning your values, but it does mean lowering the temperature. Image: iStock

Depolarise your dating experience

Navigating politics in dating doesn’t mean abandoning your values, but it does mean lowering the temperature. Politics shouldn’t feel like a battlefield, it should be an opportunity to understand someone’s life experiences.

Here’s a quick reality check: Are you spending your days doom-scrolling through a political echo chamber? Liking or sharing hate posts that slam the other side without offering any real insight? When social media becomes your rage room, it inevitably seeps into your dating life.

So, take a breath. Set time limits on how much news you consume, curate your feed, and remember: your date isn’t your debate partner. By stepping out of your bubble, you can clear up some mental space to get to know the person in front of you without letting politics hijack the connection before it starts.

Are you spending your days doom-scrolling through a political echo chamber? Image: Canva

How to have a productive conversation about politics

When it’s time to talk politics (and it will come up), here are a few ways to keep things productive:

Don’t rush in with labels

The person across from you is more than their political stance. Reducing them to one label narrows the conversation and limits your ability to see the bigger picture.

Lead with curiosity

Instead of, “How can you even believe that?” try, “What led you to that perspective?” It’s not about proving them wrong but understanding the origin point.

Acknowledge, don’t agree

You don’t have to nod to everything they say, but acknowledging their perspective with “I hear you” helps make the conversation less combative.

Check-in

Ask if they feel truly heard before ending the conversation. It hopefully trains them to reciprocate when it’s your turn to share. 

When it’s time to talk politics (and it will come up), there are a few ways to keep things productive. Image: iStock

The parting line

In 2024, politics is on our apps, at our dinner tables, and, sometimes, in our bedrooms. We’re not going to agree on everything but we should approach these conversations with curiosity and respect. It’s the only chance we have at building connections that can weather our increasingly divided world.

So, can there be sex without politics? Probably not. But with the right approach, you can have sex despite politics.

Originally published as Can there ever really be sex without politics?