I won't let my wife's step-mum see our kids until she deletes Instagram

"Every time we see a photo of our children on her Instagram page, we tell her to delete it. She always does, but the next time she sees them, it happens again."

A man has taken to Reddit after reaching the end of his tether with his wife’s stepmother.

Over the last five years, the two have had problems over the stepmother posting pictures of their children on her Instagram page.

Now that she’s earning money from the page, the issue has become even greater, leading him to ask how much longer he can ask nicely before cutting her off completely.

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“I’m still worried we’re taking this too far”

“My wife and I have two children, [an 8-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl], and we’re expecting a third. Since our eldest was born, we have been clear and consistent about not wanting pictures of them posted online. It was my wife’s idea, but still a mutual decision,” he said in the post.

“Most of our friends and family have no problem with that, but we’ve had problems with my wife’s stepmother. She has, on several occasions, posted photos of our children on her Instagram account without our consent. Most are harmless (pictures of her with them or family photos with more people in them), but there have been a few times she took pictures of the kids behind their backs and posted them.”

The man went on to say that every time they see a photo of their children on her Instagram, they ask her to delete it, and she obliges. However, it continues to happen, time and time again.

Now, the issue has become more serious.

“My family spent New Year’s Eve at a rented beach house with some of my wife’s paternal family. We returned home on Jan. 1st. That same day, my wife’s stepmother posted several pictures from the trip. Buried between them were three photos of our kids on the beach. They’re both wearing swimsuits and (except for one of the pictures) don’t seem aware they’re being photographed,” he wrote.

“My wife and I talked, and we both agreed we’ve given her stepmother enough chances. As long as she’s active on social media, she will continue posting pictures of our children without our consent.

“We called her yesterday and said that she won’t be allowed to see our kids unless she deletes her Instagram account. That means she won't have any kind of contact with them, receive pictures or be invited to their events.”

However, unsurprisingly, this conversation didn’t go down well.

“She cried during the call, and tried to promise us she would delete the New Year’s Eve post and never do anything like this again, but we told her we can’t trust her. She can keep her account if she wants to, but she won’t be allowed near our kids if she does,” he said.

“My father-in-law (who is also against posting pictures of children on social media) called my wife last night. He agreed that her stepmother crossed a line, but said cutting her off from our children was an exaggeration. He said she has just started to make money with social media, but she also loves our kids very much, and it's cruel to force her to choose.

“I don’t think we’re in the wrong here, but I’m still worried we’re taking this too far.”

In a follow-up post, the man clarified that his wife’s step-mum is 45-years-old, and has 60 000 followers on Instagram - her account being primarily lifestyle and family focused.

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“It’s normal to post photos with family”

Some commenters on the post pushed back on the man’s stance, saying there’s no issue with photos of his children being put on social media.

“You sound insufferable. It’s normal to post photos with family, children included,” one commenter said.

“The ‘no pictures of my kids online the internet’ people need therapy,” another agreed.

“I would never allow that”

However, especially given that the woman now makes money from her account, most were wary of the situation, saying they’d have reacted the same way.

"’she's just started making money off of social media’ translates in my mind to ‘she knows that posting kids will help with engagement and pay more’, and I would never allow that. Stand your ground,” said one commenter.

“She doesn't get to make money off of violating your kid's privacy. Doubtless pictures of the kids get her good 'engagement', and the rush this gives her makes it impossible to resist. It may be cruel to force her to choose, but you have no reasonable recourse other than to do so,” another agreed.

“You aren’t forcing her to choose, she already made a choice to disrespect you both every time it happened for the last 5 years…all you are doing is protecting your kids,” said a third.

“She is using your kids to make money on social media which is exploitation. You’ve given her plenty of chances. Stand strong because if not she will do it again,” another commenter said.

Is there a compromise?

Some commenters suggested that the poster may have been too harsh right out of the gates, encouraging him to find some sort of compromise involving a phone ban.

“If you want to compromise, perhaps her photo-taking devices could be given in to the care of your wife or your [father in law] for the duration of your visit, but it’s been 5 years and she has had constant reminders and still doesn’t respect your children’s privacy and your parenting choices,” one commenter said.

“Personally I wouldn't want her to delete her IG account, but I would confiscate her phone whenever she visited and not get it back till she's in the car,” another agreed.

“Here's another suggestion to where she can only see them at your home & shake her down before she walks through that door! She cannot have her phone or any other devices with her when she enters your home!” said a third.

“The only possible compromise is that she hands you her phone whenever she makes contact with the kids. Too many people are addicted to Instagram etc.” another person said.

However, in an update posted to Reddit, the man said that after an argument around this with both the stepmother and his wife’s father, no contact ended up being the only option.

Originally published as I won't let my wife's step-mum see our kids until she deletes Instagram