‘You pay a massage therapist money to touch your body’: Sex workers dismantle common stigmas

Cassie, Sam and Molly say there are many stigmas about their jobs as sex workers – they answer the commonly asked questions and say it’s no different to paying for a “therapeutic service”.

Three sex workers have spoken to SA Weekend about their work and the stigmas they face. Picture: File

Sex workers, Cassie*, Sam* and Molly* have all had vastly different experiences in the industry, from street-based to online work, yet their messages are similar.

What they do is work. It is often hard work. It may be frowned upon by sections of society. It may be illegal in some jurisdictions. But it is a job in which they are invested, take pride in, and take seriously.

It is a job for which there is an active market where clients are generally looking for nothing more than to make a connection. Yes, there are pitfalls, yes, there are dangers. No, it is not perfect. Far from it. But, for them at least, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

These three women spoke to SA Weekend about their work and the stigmas they often face.

The main stigma – the financial aspect of their job – the idea that someone could get paid to have sex.

Molly has never been ashamed of being a sex worker. Picture: Brenton Edwards

Cassie describes it as a genuine profession which is filling an obvious area of need.

“When we get questions like ‘well why don’t you get a different job’ or ‘why don’t you try a different financial pathway’, I think that really discounts the importance of sex work and the fact it is skilled labour,” she says.

“You’d never ask a dentist that or a secretary … it feels like as sex workers, we’re held to this kind of different standard.”

Sam says people get too hung up on the payment aspect of the job.

“You pay a massage therapist money to touch your body … I would say that sex work is also someone paying for a therapeutic service. It’s just a different type,” she says.

All agree society shouldn’t demonise or ostracise anyone for making a living by offering a consensual, adult and commercial service.

Not to mention the many misconceptions that accompany their jobs, from workers being riddled with sexually transmitted diseases, to them being victims in need of saving, to even living a life of luxury a la the Secret Diary of a Call Girl drama series.

“It’s the whole trope of ‘how did a nice girl like you end up in a place like this’,” Cassie says.

“There’s that kind of immediate assumption that you need rescuing, that victim rhetoric that you don’t have agency, that you haven’t chosen to do this, that you’ve been thrust into this situation through no fault of your own and you subsequently need rescuing.”

Such misconceptions, they say, stem from deeper issues of misogyny and ignorance.

“I think people are afraid of a powerful woman making money and using her body,” Sam says simply.

That doesn’t mean it is always simpler to tell people what you do for a living.

Sam often has to make a spilt-second decision about whether or not she’ll disclose her sex worker status to new people. Picture Brenton Edwards

“It’s one of those tricky situations where we’re always evaluating – is this a safe place for me to say this,” Sam says.

“I’ve absolutely been burned before. I’ve been feeling brave, I’ve said ‘yeah I’m a sex worker’ and then all of a sudden you’re the zoo animal, everyone’s talking to you, they’re asking you invasive questions, they’re giving you their opinions about sex work, they’re giving you their mum’s opinion about sex workers, saying they’d never let (their) daughter do that.

“It’s a really horrendous situation to be in because you have to decide in a split moment, am I going to answer this or am I going to have to tell a lie.”

The three women agree they are empowered by their work and find satisfaction in providing their service.

“We’re allowed to have positive experiences in sex work and I think that’s really controversial to a lot of people, that we can actually enjoy this work,” Sam says.

“Touch is often, for many people, a crucial part of life and contributes hugely to quality of life.

“We live in a society where people can be very closed off from each other in terms of physical touch and affection, and I know that my job helps to bridge that gap and brings happiness and fulfilment to people.

“So many people need to be touched, we need to feel skin on skin, and I am very privileged to be able to provide that in a safe and non-judgmental way.”

“I know that society has a problem with the parts of my body I choose to use, but I really don’t care,” Cassie adds.

“I’m not hurting anyone and I’m providing a service.

“I have connections with my clients and there are so many positives they take away from our time together.”

Molly simply asks why she would feel ashamed to work as a sex worker?

“Why should what I choose to do with my body affect or offend anybody else?” she says.

“I couldn’t imagine why someone would want to do a lot of other types of work either, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also legitimate kinds of work.”

Cassie’s clients are “incredibly benign” and often searching for a connection. Picture Brenton Edwards

Cassie has heard all the assumptions and horror stories about street based sex work but describes her experience as most uneventful and her clients as “incredibly benign”.

“Most clients simply want to receive their service and go home; they don’t want trouble and they don’t want to hurt us,” she says.

“If you equate danger with fear, then the scariest element of street work, for me, is cops.

“Cops have so much power. I’m always worried about being detained, questioned, searched … arrested.

“I’m very visible out on the street, when I work I have to be, or I won’t get jobs.

“I’ve always got one eye on the client and the other looking for those red and blue flashing lights … there’s not too many of us doing street-based work in Adelaide and we tend to share information with one another when needed – like we’ll share number plates, physical descriptions and phone numbers of worrisome clients.

“We try to keep each other safe and if we do have a bad client, it’s never our fault, it’s never the sex industry’s fault you know?

“The fault lies squarely with the client and their bad behaviour.”

Will she ever tell her young children what she does for a living?

“Right now I’m too focused on making enough money to get by,” she says.

“The cost of living crisis is having a huge impact on me and my family.

“We rent and our rent has increased so much and it’s a struggle to make ends meet.

“I guess I hope in the future, if I ever do disclose my sex work status to my kids, that they will celebrate my ability to provide for them, to put in the work required to pay the bills and I hope they reject all the social stigma and discrimination that comes along with sex work.”

More widely, she is looking forward to a day when she is free to live the way she chooses. “There’s a lot of distaste for the work that I do and not just from the public but also from the people who make the laws and people who make the policies as well,”

Cassie says that narrative is harmful.

“I’m a person, I’m a whole person, I’m not defined by the work that I do, I’m not defined by the sector of the sex industry that I work in either.

“I just wish that people would be a lot more compassionate.”

*Names have been changed

New Greens push to legalise sex-work

A bill to decriminalise sex work will be introduced to South Australian parliament before the end of the year.

In a response to Liberal upper house leader Nicola Centofanti’s latest bill, Greens MLC Tammy Franks will present a bill of her own in the 15th attempt to decriminalise sex work.

“I am working with other members of parliament on a bill that will be a counter to the Nordic model and move us towards decriminalisation,” she told The Advertiser.

“It would treat commercial adult services as a service like any other work service.”

The latest attempt to decriminalise sex work comes after Centofanti introduced a “prostitution law reform” bill to the legislative council at the end of August that seeks to criminalise the buyer but not the sex worker – a system known as the “Nordic model”.

“This crucial prostitution law reform is about protecting the most vulnerable in our society,” Centofanti said.

“For many women who find themselves desperate enough to enter the sex industry and engage in prostitution they do not do so by choice.”

South Australian Greens member Tammy Franks intends to propose her own bill aimed at decriminalising sex work. Picture: Supplied

Liberal MLC Nicola Centofanti has introduced a bill to make clients of sex workers criminals, based on the Nordic model. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Brenton Edwards

But Franks believes the Nordic model is dangerous and creates unsafe environments for sex workers.

By labelling clients as “criminals”, they are more likely to not provide ID and want to meet in places that are “isolated, secretive” and “not enable the sex worker to have strategies to keep themselves safe”, Franks said.

“The worker wants to be paid for their work so they’re going to help the person who’s now a criminal to not get caught by the law,” she said.

“Sex workers simply want to be able to do their job, earn a living and do so without being treated as criminals or their clients treated as criminals.”

Franks is hoping to present a bill to parliament by the end of the year where politicians will be asked to make a conscious vote.