Radio presenter Kelly Golding shares the heartbreak of losing her brother in a car accident

Smooth FM and Discover presenter Kelly Golding shares her heartbreak after learning her brother had died after being hit by a car – never meeting his unborn child.

Pictures of Matthew SA Weekend – Kelly Golding and her brother Matt Picture: Supplied

On September 12, 2009, Smooth FM and Discover presenter Kelly Golding’s family received devastating news about her brother Matt, who was just about to become a father.

I remember little details.Like, I’d put Bircher muesli to soak in the fridge before I went to bed at about 10.30pm. (I’ve never been able to make it since).

I was four months’ pregnant, and Matt and his wife Alison were expecting.

She was heavily pregnant and had celebrated her last day of work. He had been out having a few drinks with his mates in Middleton, where they lived.

Just after 1am, my mobile phone rang.I missed the call, but got up. It was my sister-in-law. I sent her a quick message: “Alison, are you in labour?”.

I didn’t hear back, so I thought, “Maybe she is and we’ll find out soon.” I went back to bed and was sort of dozing … but then the home phone rang.

It was my mum, and I could barely understand her. She was crying and just kept saying, “Can you put your dad on the phone?”

 I’m like, “Mum, what’s happened?”
She goes, “Put your dad on the phone”, like, really firm.

I walked into the spare room and woke Dad, who was staying the night.

I handed him the phone and it was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, because I knew something must be wrong.

I heard the most horrendous sounds, and pretty quickly realised what had happened based on what he was saying. Then, the same sounds are coming from me.

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door and it was a police officer coming to tell us what we had just heard.
My brother had been hit by a car and killed walking home from the pub. We were in complete shock. I can’t actually remember much, but we all just jumped in the car. Mum was home in Bordertown, where I grew up. Alison’s parents are also from Bordertown, so they all jumped in the car and drove to Middleton as well.

Kelly Golding and her brother Matt as children at the Royal Adelaide Show. Picture: Supplied

Alison was having their first baby, Matty was in the prime of his life.We were having babies together … all of that changed in an instant. I don’t know that the devastation was real (then) … but it was in the aftermath.

Matt and Alison were involved in the Victor Harbor football and netball clubs.

The whole community gathered around Alison and then my niece, Ella, born three weeks after he passed. They helped finish the dream house Matt had been building, and landscaped the garden. It was incredible. People’s generosity. Food, phone calls, checking in …

I was doing radio, TV and I had a job at the CSIRO as a communications officer. My work family allowed me as much time as I needed to grieve, especially in those early few weeks of Matt passing, the funeral and birth of Ella.

We were all just managing, but we had this beautiful baby to just dote on and channel all that love into. Then my daughter Amelie arrived and I just wanted to try and keep well for her. Focusing on the young children in your lives gets you by. You have to get up, you’ve got to be a parent … keep going, even though some days you just want to stay on the couch.

I started seeing a psychologist for grief counselling, and that really helped.

My close friends and family were a huge support to me, and they still are, because when you lose someone, and especially in tragic circumstances, it doesn’t just go away. It has been 15 years since Matt passed but it is still extremely painful. You just learn to carry the pain better.

You’ve got to have forgiveness. I certainly don’t blame the driver. Everyone made a choice, and that all coincided with Matt losing his life, but it’s no one’s fault. It was just a really terrible accident. The most challenging bit for me is, and this is most upsetting for me, is the pain I see in my parents … every anniversary, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthday.

The close-knit family turned their grief into love for Matt’s baby who was born three weeks after his death. Picture: Supplied

We tell each other we love each other more now and are such a close family. We celebrate Matt. He never got to meet his daughter, but Ella knows who her father is and she has his sense of humour and fun nature, and my daughter has Matt’s laugh.

Matty’s friends are also still a huge part of our life. I love that they check in on Mum and Dad. I’ll often get an occasional text saying “Happy Birthday, sis”. It’s a big extended family.

I don’t think Matt would want us to be sad, but he probably would be a little bit because he wouldn’t want to be missing out … but he’d be super proud. And the great thing about being friends with his mates is they tell you that.

What I’ve taken from Matt passing is that now I try to live courageously. If things don’t align, I’m willing to let them go.

I have vivid dreams about Matty. We meet in a park and spend the day together.

We talk about whatever’s going on in our lives. Usually it’s me talking about what’s going on with me. He just listens, smiles, puts his arm around me and we have a laugh. We always leave with a hug and a kiss, and a smile.

I wake up and I feel like I have spent the day with him and my cup is full.

Kelly Golding educates secondary school students about road safety through RAA’s Street Smart High program