’People think it’s weird’: Former couple share how they nailed a happy divorce

Ami Boundy and Danny Lopresto take pride in their successful split. He will even be best man at her wedding to new partner this year. This is how they did it. 

Ami Boundy with her fiance Simon Warne. Picture Emma Brasier

When Simon Warnes marries next year, his new bride’s ex-partner and the father of her nine-year-old daughter will be proudly standing by his side.

“People think it’s weird,” says the 42-year-old social worker, who has asked Danny Lopresto to be his groomsman when he marries Ami Boundy at the Nineteen Ten club on Hindley St.

“I consider myself very lucky. I’ve inherited a great kid and a great mate.

“It’s not the norm, everyone’s like ‘this isn’t how it goes’. But there’s no drama and there’s no drama mongering – we actually all just want to be peaceful, happy and get along.”

Ami Boundy, left, and fiance Simon Warnes, right, with her nine-year-old daughter Ruby and ex-partner and best friend Danny Lopresto. Picture Emma Brasier

Boundy and 57-year-old Lopresto’s “happy divorce” has drawn a strong reaction from friends and acquaintances over the years. But for a growing number of once-happy couples, it’s become the goal they aspire to when they agree to separate.

“Theirs is the most amazing story. I just think it’s the most wonderful gift those three people could give that child,” says divorce and relationships coach Sallyanne Hartnell, who has built a strong, caring friendship with her own ex-husband, the father of her two adult children.

“Obviously it’s not possible in emotionally, physically or financially abusive relationships, but with almost all my clients, it’s the desired outcome. If it’s possible, it’s best for everybody. It’s definitely something I work with my clients on.”

Warnes and 41-year-old Boundy, an ethics officer at Cancer Research SA, live with Ruby in their new Ottoway home. Their best friend and Boundy’s ex-partner, Lopresto, is nearby in Findon and cares for Ruby after school, on weekends and whenever his hectic touring schedule allows. The guitarist and singer is a member of Adelaide’s super-popular Hindley St Country Club, which travels Australia and the world to sold-out crowds.

Danny Lopresto singing with the Hindley Street Country Club. Picture: Michael Meston

“When we went looking for a home, it was a prerequisite that we be 15 minutes from Danny’s house,” says Boundy.

The three don’t just share parenting duties, such as collecting Ruby from school and attending her sports days. They also love hanging out, whiling away long hours listening to records and having a few drinks.

“The four of us spend a lot of time together, Ruby, Danny and I spend a lot of time together as well and Danny and I even spend time just the two of us,” says Boundy.

“Not only do we genuinely love each other as people and friends, we try to be kind to each other because we all deserve happiness.”

The unique brood’s happy vibes also embrace their extended families. Warnes’ mum babysat Ruby while he and Boundy rocked out at one of Lopresto’s gigs just before Christmas.

They are also close to Lopresto’s 28-year-old daughter and act as defacto grandparents to her three children.

“When Danny and I separated, I said to his daughter, ‘I’ll be your stepmum as long as you want me to,’” says Boundy. “All the grandkids call me nanna and Simon is gramps and we look after the three kids sometimes.

“My family still considers Danny family … and it’s the same with his family.”

Ami Boundy, 41, with her fiance Simon Warnes, 42. Picture: Emma Brasier

Boundy and Lopresto’s “fast and furious” relationship began about 11 years ago. At the time, she had itchy feet and had sold “everything I owned” to move to the UK. He was friends with one of her mates and asked to meet after becoming smitten with a photo of her.

They fell hard for each other, scuppering Boundy’s grand plans to base herself in London and travel the world. Before long, they were living together and expecting a baby. Ruby was born in December 2015.

But Lopresto’s musician lifestyle – which sent him on tour and kept him out til late at gigs – played havoc on their relationship and it eventually broke down. It wasn’t a painless end.

“We still were in an intimate relationship that broke down so there was a lot of heartache and sadness for a lot of time,” Boundy says.

But she was determined to keep things friendly with Lopresto for Ruby, inviting him into her home for a coffee whenever he arrived to pick up their daughter. It wasn’t long before she realised their friendship had survived the hard times and was ready to grow in a new way.

“We weren’t meant to be together in an intimate relationship but we still love what we love about each other and have fun together,” she says. “The way we look at it now is we just happened to have a kid with our best friend but we had to obviously be together for a brief period of time to have our child, which was always meant to be.

“Soulmates come in all different forms and Danny is one of my soulmates, we were meant to be in each other’s lives.”

When Warnes came into Boundy’s life, Lopresto was the unshakeable condition he had to accept. “If he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t even going to start,” says Boundy, who met Warnes, a father-of-three, at a pub at the end of 2020.

Danny Lopresto with his daughter, Ruby. Picture: Emma Brasier

It’s the same for Lopresto, who is at the beginning of a new relationship. “It’s a prerequisite now with partners,” he says. “If they can’t accept the other, it’s not going to work.”

Warnes did not flinch at the ultimatum and quickly embraced his new mate. “We went into everything eyes open,” he says.

Today, they are intrinsically involved in each others’ lives. Special days are spent together – Christmas, birthdays and Father’s Day, when Ruby and Boundy make a special breakfast for both Lopresto and Warnes, who has been dubbed “Cinnamon” by Ruby, a hangover from when she tripped over his name, Simon, at their first meeting. 

When Warnes chose Lopresto to be his groomsman at his wedding on March 8 next year, it was an acknowledgment of “how big a part Danny plays in our life”. “He’s a totally stand-up dad but also he’s given me that nod in this sense that I trust you with my daughter,” he says. “It’s that respect man-to-man, there’s no masculine ego bullshit. You’re dad, I’m stepdad.”

Divorce coach Sallyanne Hartnell with her ex and friend, Michael Corcoran.

Resolve Divorce co-founder Rose Cocchiaro. Picture: Supplied

The happy divorce of remaining friends and even socialising and holidaying together is a growing trend that Melbourne-based Sallyanne Hartnell says is the prized goal for most of her separating clients. The former physiotherapist, who retrained as a divorce coach after going through her own marriage breakdown, says it’s about “honouring and respecting the things that you like, even love, about your ex-partner”.

“I loved my ex-husband for lots of really good reasons, I still love those things about him, we just can’t be together,” says Hartnell, who was married for 17 years and has two adult children.

“We holidayed together when the children were younger … I walk the talk when it comes to happy divorce. It’s reframing your relationship with that other person as a collaborator, co-parent, friend and family member but one step removed. It really comes down to respecting each other.” Hartnell says happy divorce is “more common than we believe” but is swamped by reports of conflict, such as the toxic breakdown of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s celebrity marriage. Last year, 48,700 divorces were granted in Australia. Nearly one in three marriages do not survive.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Picture: Samuel Corum/AFP

Resolve Divorce co-founder Rose Cocchiaro says an amicable separation is a major goal for clients at her North Adelaide business which takes a holistic approach to divorce that involves money coaches, financial planners, accountants, psychologists and therapists. While a harmonious ending is not always possible, it can lead to great outcomes for the separated partners and their children, she says.

“In divorce, family dynamics are changed but it doesn’t mean they’re changed negatively, there still can be positive outcomes,” says the lawyer and divorce coach, whose business is overwhelmed each January with a huge influx of clients wanting to separate from their partners.

“When we help clients negotiate, we talk to them about: ‘Remember, you once were in love with this person, let’s go back there, what were those qualities that you most admired, is there a way that you can start appreciating that person again because that will help you be more effective when you’re negotiating.’

“While it is the perfect epitome of what you want every case to look like, it takes a lot of discipline … but absolutely that is something every parent should be striving for,” she says.

Boundy knows that staying friends is not always the best option for everyone. “I really acknowledge it’s not always safe or wise,” she says. “Every situation is different. But remember what you liked about them in the first place.

“We’re all winning in this, we don’t miss out on anything with our daughter and we get the bonus of the amazing friendship.”