Nikki Osborne: What your star sign says about you

Are you a little lazy? There is an easy way to tell if this is true – well, sort of.

A lot of the population think that astrology, the oldest science of mapping planets, is a load of rubbish.

When I say a lot I mostly mean Leos. And yet, so many of us are accepting of our traits which suggests there might be a thread of truth to it. So here it goes: what your star sign says about you.

● Capricorn: Capricorns are hard working and industrious. They just crack on with things. They’re too independent however. A lot of Capricorns are so single minded about the task ahead of them they end up having only their pillow to cuddle and as a result, they’re the star sign most likely to subscribe to OnlyFans.

Columnist Nikki Osborne.

● Aquarius: If you’ve got an offbeat quirky friend, chances are, they’re an Aquarius. They’re the dreamers of the zodiac, by dreamers I mean lunatics, however, as charismatic as they may be, they do tend to be a little lazy. We forgive them though because they’re good value at a dinner party.

● Pisces: There’s no point in trying to keep a secret from a Pisces as they already know, they can feel it in their waters. Pisces are the intuitive feelers, however, they’re not great boyfriends as they tend to cry as much as their female counterparts.

Aries are the warriors and the jokesters.

● Aries: The most conflicted of the zodiac. Aries are the warriors and the jokesters. They won’t back down from anything and have a high opinion of their own opinion, however, under that armour, they’re a teddy bear. To quote Love Actually: They’re just a star sign, standing in front of the other star signs, asking them to love them.

● Taurus: The Taurus knows what they want and it’s the 3 F’s: Food, Finance and F--king and in that order. They’re like a bull in a china shop with their opinions, but a sensitive bull. Warning: a Taurus is never wrong; even if they are, they’re so stubborn they’ll never admit it. They’re also the zodiac sign most likely to be a mass murderer.

Gemini’s are chameleon conversationalists.

● Gemini: Gemini are the second most likely to be a mass murderer. It’s only because they’re smart. Geminis are the chameleon conversationalists. They can adapt to their environment quickly and they can read people very quickly. They can be a little self centred, however, so don’t share a meal with them coz you’ll go hungry.

● Cancer: When they’re not crying they’re thinking about something that might make them cry. Creative and overly emotional, crabs are the romantics and nurturers. But they do tend to have a wicked wit, so be wary of that little nip. If you’re struggling to close a date with a crab, just whack on episode 4 of season 3 of Bridgerton, that’ll do the trick.

● Leo: I’m not sure why I’m writing Leo as they’ve most likely written this article off as nonsense. They’re the “look at me, look at me” sign. Oh, do they love a spotlight. Leos are very adventurous and incredibly loyal, however, so if you’re willing to swallow that their opinion is always “right”, then you’ll have a friend for life. Just nod and smile.

Virgos are meticulously organised.

● Virgo: If you look up the definition of martyr, you’ll find a Virgo. They’re the carers but they’re also meticulously neat and organised and they’ll organise you too. One to-do list at a time until everything is perfect. You’re most likely to find a Virgo at a homemaker centre.

● Libra: Librans are the nicest mean people. They have big hearts and go out of their way to accommodate others; total people pleasers, however, they often forget their nearest and dearest in the process of saving the world. Which makes them mean. They can’t win.

● Scorpio: They love their work and they love their play and they often end up loners because a partner can hamper their work and play. Scorpios are creative and playful but true to form, be wary of that nip in the tail … which usually comes in the form of a friendly insult … which only they will find funny.

● Sagittarius: Saggis are quite the conundrum, they love adventures and pushing their limits but they’re also massive creatures of routine, especially when it comes to exercise. They’re the most likely to recount their steps to you via their fitness tracker.

Originally published as Nikki Osborne: What your star sign says about you