Nikki Osborne says abolish homework to make kids (and parents) happy

First it’s homework overload, now it’s a four-day school week. Here’s one way you make parents happy, abolish both, writes Nikki Osborne. VOTE IN OUR POLL

Nikki Osborne is calling for homework to be abolished.

I heard an announcement on the radio the other day that really made me laugh. Apparently the Queensland government is allowing schools to reduce the school week down to four days a week.

Ba ha ha. Nope. Back the truck up.

My son excitedly exclaimed from the back seat, “yeah we filled out a survey at school and we’re all like hell yeah” and I responded “well, you’d better secure yourself a permanent part-time Wednesday job at Maccas so at least you’ll have supervision cos this mama will be at work”.

I’m trying to imagine any parent actually wanting this. Especially a working parent.

I already struggle to squeeze in a work week with the current school timetable, but to lose a day? I actually had a really good giggle imagining the knock on effects of this.

All of a sudden I had this image of a kid in a hard hat on a work site, distributing chocky milks because dad couldn’t get the day off. Or another kid, traumatised in the corner of her mum’s obstetrician clinic.

Where are all the kids gonna go?

I can see a lot of kids fending for themselves at home on a steady diet of noodles, Milo and Roblox while their parents go to work. Imagine the internet outrages! Or will we go old school and the government will distribute cricket sets and chalk in each cul-de-sac to busy the kids all day until the street lights come on.

Plus, why would they do it? To take the stress off students?

You want kids feeling less overwhelmed by school? Here’s my idea: abolish homework. Or add an extra hour to the end of the school day for them to complete it.

Because if homeschooling taught me anything, it’s that I’m completely ill-equipped to teach my kids, especially at witching hour.

I mean what’s a phoneme? Or a grapheme? They sound like brass instruments to me but noooo, apparently I’m meant to know they’re a term of grammar to count phonetic syllables. Lost yet? Good, I’m getting my point across.

Columnist Nikki Osborne

I hated homework when I was at school and I hate it even more now because tech is involved. We spend half an hour trying to work out how to download the homework, then another two hours trying to work out what the homework is? And by then, my kids have just run away. So am I expected to drag them back to teach them a lesson I’m completely ill equipped to teach? God no.

Who’s got time for that? Not me! I’ve got a day drinking problem to upkeep. Plus I’m too busy burning the Coles chicken schnitties while the dog voms on the carpet (and yes I know there’s millions of dads burning schnitties too. I’m being inclusive).

Plus having no homework will allow us to have more time to bond and connect after dinner instead of me yelling in my best “Shazza” fishwife voice “no Magnums until you’ve done your bloody homework”.

My kids might actually like me. OK, I’m getting carried away here.

But who’s with me? Is anyone else as overwhelmed by their kid’s homework as I am? Should we ditch homework altogether?