Newly single? Here’s how to break up with being sad this Christmas

Around 50,000 couples split in 2024, as Elizabeth Jane shares what Christmas alone looks like after her husband ended their marriage – and it’s not all sadness and longing.

Author and wellbeing expert Elizabeth Jane, who is sharing her tips for being newly single at Christmas. Picture: Supplied,

Just weeks before Christmas, Elizabeth Jane was blindsided when her 25-year marriage came to a sudden end.

“My world was shattered because I didn’t see it coming,” says the 59-year-old from Sydney, whose twins – her youngest children – were going into Year 12 when her husband left in 2018.

“I had lost myself in my role as mother, as wife. All of a sudden I had four adult children (on my own) and I hit rock bottom.”

The new singleton faced Christmas on her own for the first time in decades. But instead of becoming consumed by her “shock and devastation”, she resolved to sharpen her focus on finding peace and happiness at the most joyful time of the year.

“It became my mission to equip myself with the tools and techniques and tips to not only get myself out of my darkness but also to just really come into a more powerful place where I could become leader of my life,” she says.

That mindset became a “manual” of how to survive and thrive on her own, which she then turned into a book, Free and First: Unlocking Your Ultimate Life.

And now, the published author and wellbeing and mindfulness speaker is sharing those tips and tricks to help others at their lowest ebb.

This year, about 50,000 Australian marriages will end in divorce, even more couples will separate – and many one-time loving partners will be facing Christmas as a single person for the first time in years.

It’s already a time of heightened emotions, expectations and even family drama without the added trauma of separation.

Author and wellbeing expert Elizabeth Jane shares her tips for being newly single at Christmas. Picture: Supplied

But Jane says being alone during the festive season doesn’t have to be a sad or lonely time. Her list of tips to banish the darkness and become positively festive includes planning a getaway, switching off social media and its endless stream of smiling faces and creating a list of 10 things – having a bath, lighting candles, ordering takeaway, picking flowers in the street or dancing to a favourite song – that can bring instant joy in moments of sadness.

“Christmas can feel really strange, it can feel really weird, difficult and even frightening but it doesn’t have to be,” says the mother-of-four, whose children are now 29, 28 and 25-year-old twins.

“You can definitely have a happy Christmas. With a little bit of planning, you can put things in place that bring you joy – catching up with friends, going on a little trip away. Be creative and work out what you need to feel support.

“Look forward not back. See this obstacle as an opportunity to embrace more of you. It’s the opportunity for self-growth to put you in a much better place than you could ever, ever imagine but you just don’t see it at the time. It’s a matter of feeling what you need and pushing forth, cutting those boundaries and putting yourself first.”

She released a book on her break-up and has since carved a career helping women thrive. Picture: Supplied

Daniela’s plans for Christmas hit an obstacle this month, when her one-year relationship “unexpectedly” hit the skids just weeks before the big day.

She had been heading to England to be with her ex-partner’s family but now the Sydney-based actor and pilates instructor is having to rethink Christmas. She’s considering jetting off – maybe to Bali – for a celebration on her own.

“Going to England would have been really lovely. I thought I’d be having Christmas with him as my little family and meeting up with his family,” says the 28-year-old, who had been “certain” her ex would be her “one person”.

“It was just this whole expectation of Christmas having to be an awesome time, getting to spend the holidays with people I choose to be my family, so that was hard.

“I’ve always loved the holidays, I’ve loved Christmas. I’m a huge fan of cooking and I love to entertain, it’s just one of the best excuses to get together with people that you love.

“It’s not so much about being single, it’s more about feeling disappointed that this is not your person.”

Daniela says she definitely doesn’t want to “feel miserable at Christmas” and so is purposely keeping positive.

The photographer – who grew up in Australia and Peru and who has been published in National Geographic and exhibited with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees – intends to spend the festive season focusing on her own projects and achievements, including starting her own online pilates business a few weeks ago.

She’s also taking gymnastic classes as part of her training to become a stunt actor.

“I’ll be trying to really keep myself active and going with all of these things I’m trying to achieve and I’m really excited for all of them,” she says.

“I’ll be visualising and maybe finding gratitude for the last year, looking at places where I could have done better. There’s an easy attachment to the negativity and suffering over the end of a relationship but if the person isn’t right for you, you’re not right for them either and you just need to wait for the right person.

“Regardless of what I do – if I go on a solo trip or spend time with family or stay with friends – I just want it to be a self-reflection time. I want it to be a really nice time to take a rest, to do self-care, to feel good.”

Christmas can be a time of joy if pre-planned, says Elizabeth. Picture: Supplied

Daniela’s positive attitude takes a leaf out of Jane’s break-up manifesto.

The public speaker – who has taken her message to the US and Europe – says she is now grateful to her ex-husband, who opened a “new chapter” to “reboot my life”.

She says even that first Christmas alone – when she was reeling from being “blindsided” just weeks out from the big celebration – she found the fortitude to be happy and grateful.

“I think the most difficult thing is that we are creatures of habit and change can be difficult and even frightening and to have done the same Christmas traditions for 25 years then all of a sudden you’re sharing the children,” says Jane, who is hosting Christmas drinks for her children, their closest friends and 10 of her own “besties” this year.

“My first Christmas was very strange. After having the morning with the children, I ended up gathering two girlfriends and went down the coast, took an Airbnb. I broke up the cycle I was in because that wasn’t going to work.

“I was cheering, on a new chapter. I realised there was no point in staying stuck where I was at so I just kept pushing forward to the things I enjoyed and instilling in my life more of what I enjoyed.

“I had an extremely happy marriage. Four healthy children and an amazing life … that’s why I thought divorce was not on the radar so that sent me into a spin. Now I know it was really a gift from my husband. I’m very thankful for my marriage and I’m also very thankful for the break-up of my marriage because if the break-up hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have found me. I never would have written my book, done keynote speaking around the world helping and assisting other women empower themselves.”

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ELIZABETH JANE’S TIPS

Create new traditions

Instead of focusing on the traditions you shared with your ex, see this as an opportunity to create new ones that you enjoy. Whether it’s starting a hobby, visiting a new place or celebrating with friends in a different way, making fresh memories can help shift your perspective and bring new joy to the season.

Practise self-care

Take care of your emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. Use this time to indulge in self-care activities that help you relax and recharge. Whether it’s reading, going for walks, treating yourself to a spa day or binge-watching your favourite holiday movies, choose things that bring you comfort and happiness.

Focus on gratitude

Shift your attention to the positive aspects of your life. Practise gratitude by focusing on the things that are going well, such as your health, friendships or career. Reflecting on what you’re thankful for can help improve your mood and remind you of the blessings in your life. Let people know how much you appreciate them. Practising gratitude attracts more positive things into your life.

Give back

Sometimes the best way to cope with your own struggles is by helping others. Volunteering for a local charity, shelter or cause can shift your focus from your own pain to making a difference in someone else’s life. This can be incredibly fulfilling and provide a sense of purpose during the festive season.

Consider travelling or a solo retreat

If staying in your current environment feels too overwhelming, consider taking a trip or embarking on a solo retreat. This can be a great option, particularly when your children may be with your ex. A change of scenery can provide a fresh perspective and allow you to enjoy the holidays in a new way, free from past memories.

Limit social media exposure

Social media can amplify feelings of loneliness or sadness, especially when you see happy couples or families celebrating. Consider taking a break from social media or limiting your exposure to platforms that might make you feel worse during this sensitive time.