I’ve found the perfect way to say no: Frances Whiting

Do you have trouble saying “no”? Are you att the beck and call of the entire family? I have a new take on how to opt out.

Tired and stressed young woman is lying and resting in the chair with many shopping bags in the mall

Are you the sort of person who has trouble saying “no”? Do you find yourself agreeing to do things you absolutely do not want to do/have zero interest in/would rather stick a hot poker in your eye but when asked to do said thing immediately answer: “Why of course, I would love to! My only question is why didn’t you ask me earlier?”

Then, after agreeing to do said thing, cursing yourself all the way home?

Well, that is me – or at least it was me, because I believe I may have found the perfect, one-sentence solution to this problem.

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Now, phrases to say “no” are not uncommon – the internet is fairly bursting with them.

The most popular one in recent years is to say, when confronted with something you do not wish to do: “I don’t have the capacity for that right now”, or simply “I’m at capacity”.

This phrase, however, has never come naturally to me, mostly because I am not a tumble dryer.

Other popular and equally as clunky alternatives include: “Unfortunately I can’t commit to that at this time”, “I’m not comfortable doing that”, “I’m unable to give you a positive response to that right now”, or if you are feeling particularly bolshie: “Look, I’d like to say yes, but I don’t want to.”

The perfect phrase to decline a request is not easy to find, but the other day I was on a walk when one caught my eye. It was on the front of a bus parked at a stop, and at the front where its route number usually is displayed were the following four – and, I believe, life-changing – words: “Sorry, Not in Service.”

Egads, I thought, that’s it. That, delivered in the right tone and (this is crucial) accompanied with a raised palm, is exactly the phrase I need in my life. And so do you.

Let’s run through a few scenarios, shall we? A few everyday scenes where this phrase may come in handy…

Frances Whiting. Picture: David Kelly

Adult kids bringing their laundry home for you to do? Raise your palm and say “Sorry, not in service”.

The entire family asking you what’s for dinner after a very demanding week? Toddler demanding you sing The Wheels on the Bus for the 867th time? Boss making unreasonable requests of you and/or your time?

In all of these cases it is entirely appropriate for you to raise your hand, palm outwards, and say “Sorry, not in service”.

If you are feeling especially gangsta (look, I live with young adults; this is what they say when they mean rebellious) you might want to throw in “Imma gonna stop you there” before you palm-raise and say “Sorry, not in service”. It’s up to you.

But yes, in general, I believe “Sorry, not in service” is far superior to “I’m at capacity”.

Delivered with a smile, it’s light and breezy, but also lets people know you are no longer running around in a red cloak and being an extra in The Handmaid’s Tale.

Give it a whirl and let me know how you go. Or don’t. Because you are – and raise your hand with me – “Sorry, not in service, Frances”.

Originally published as I’ve found the perfect way to say no: Frances Whiting