Carla Anita Mattiazzo on moment her mum walked out on her

Carla Anita Mattiazzo’s mum walked out on her family without warning. She shares the impact on her with SA Weekend.

Carla Anita Mattiazzo has shared her story of life after her mum walked out on her family. Picture: Supplied

After dealing with what many would say is the ultimate rejection, Carla Anita Mattiazzo gave herself permission to love herself and live by her own rules. Almost a decade on, the award-winning cabaret artist is sharing her story to show others that they too can rise above life’s big dramas.

In 2016, on the 11th of August, my mum disappeared. My dad rang me as I was driving to Hains & Co. to meet a friend, and he was like, “Have you heard from your mother?”

He couldn’t get hold of her. I tried to ring her multiple times … I just had this inkling something was wrong.

I got to the bar early and was waiting for my friend when Dad phones again in such distress.

He tells me that Mum has left a letter in our family PO Box, saying she was leaving him after 42 years. My dad is a really sweet, gentle, lovely person.

I nearly collapsed … I was like, ‘What the f … is going on?’

I tried to call my cousins, uncles and aunties … Nobody was answering, but then I finally got hold of one of my aunties – my mother’s sister – and she says, “I’ve got a card for you. Come and have coffee tomorrow, you can collect it.” I was like, “No, I will come now.”
Basically, Mum’s card was saying she wanted a new start, a new life.

Carla Anita Mattiazzo’s life was changed in an instant – and she found out about it on a card. Picture: Supplied

I was born on her birthday. We were about to go, as a family, to Italy, for my 30th and her 60th.

I had to deal with the fallout but what happened changed my life for the better, to be quite honest.

Only through a lot of therapy have I realised that my mother is a classic – and I know this word gets thrown around a lot – narcissist.
When I was growing up, we didn’t have a positive relationship.

Her making this decision was actually extremely positive, because I was able to find out who I was.

I was able to rebuild my self-esteem because Mum used to do a really good job at making me feel bad about myself.

She would often comment on my body, or my Nonna – my grandmother on my mum’s side – would say how ugly I was. So I was very insecure about my appearance, and that really contributed to me being anorexic from a teenager up until my late 20s.

When you’ve had a whole lifetime of somebody telling you you’re worth nothing, it’s there …

When she left I was able to give myself permission to really step into who I wanted to to be … and to not have to hide myself away and be so concerned about what other people thought, because that was also another thing that was very drilled into me.

I’m loud, in a good way, outspoken, vivacious. I love fully.

I feel very proud of the heart that I have, the way I love my friends and my dad. I’m a nurturer.

Carla Anita Mattiazzo opened her family album. Picture: Supplied

As a cute babe. Picture: Supplied

The way in which I do my cabaret now is so much braver and poignant and me.

My shows are a lot more focused on social justice and dismantling the patriarchy, seeing things for what they really are.

Even promotion-wise, I push the boundaries with the imagery I use and I absolutely would not have done that when my mum was around.
A couple of years ago the phone rang and I didn’t recognise the number.

The conversation lasted for one minute.

It was pleasant at the start. As in, “Hello, how are you?”.

But then I just said to her, “Look, I think it’s best this conversation ends.” I could hear that she was still back in 2016; she hadn’t done any work.

She was still refusing to take any ownership of what she did.

After eight years, if you were calling somebody, your daughter, that you cut off, wouldn’t you be prepared with, “This is why I did it …”, or “I’d like to see you so I can explain”, or whatever.

But there was no explanation … just very defensive responses to my very simple question of “So, why are you calling me?”

I just hung up and blocked her.

I’ve forgiven my mum, but the forgiveness is for me, because it sets me free.

It is for my peace of mind. Otherwise I would have stayed stuck in the narrative. I feel very numb and detached from the whole thing. It feels like another lifetime ago.

A lot of times, people ask me, “Oh, my God, what did you do?”, or they make an assumption that there was a reason for her to do what she did that wasn’t anything other than her going “I don’t want this life anymore”.

I can understand why they ask, but to do so is taking away, from her, the total responsibility of what she did and how she did it. The way she went about things and because of the beautiful life she did have with my father, for me, there is no space for her to come back.

Even if she wanted to come back … for many reasons … for me, the door is closed, locked and the key thrown away.

Carla’s Confessional Cabaret show That’s NOT Amore runs March 13 to March 22. Book at adelaidefringe.com.au

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