Truth about expensive weddings you’re not ready to hear

Weddings are a billion dollar business, but how much should you really be shelling out to say “I do”? If it’s more than this amount. we have bad news.

OPINION

If you look up wedding in the dictionary you might expect it to say “a marriage ceremony” or “a celebration of love” or something like that.

It actually means: “REALLY EFFING EXPENSIVE”.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos apparently just dropped a cool USD $50 million on his Venetian marriage to Lauren Sanchez which is about AUD $76.1 million

Now that might be a drop in the ocean to a man worth $244 billion – according to the calculations of Newsweek it would be the equivalent of an average American spending less than $250 on their wedding – but by any sane metric it meets the definition provided above.

He can afford to do what he wants. He can put half his cash into a rocket and fire it into the sun for a laugh after too many beers if he wants to – but what the hell are the rest of you doing it for?

Lauren and Jeff Bezos during their wedding celebrations in Venice, Italy. Picture: AP Photo/Luca Bruno

The Australian Weddings Industry report – and boy, is it an industry – says the average cost of an Australian wedding this year is $35,315.

I get that it’s a joyous day – potentially the happiest of your life – but is it really worth 35 grand?

It seems the moment you mention “wedding” to any kind of service provider, they add an extra zero to the bill. Everyone just accepts that’s the way it is.

No one questions why you can get a photographer to do a corporate job for $500 but you chuck in a woman in a white dress and it becomes $5000.

And that dress. You can pick up a nice dress for any other occasion for a few hundred bucks but a wedding dress? That’ll be a few grand, thanks.

The cost of weddings in Australia has skyrocketed. Picture: iStock

Hair, make up, cake, venue – the whole shebang. It all, for some reason, costs more when it’s a wedding.

And no wonder because they keep getting away with it. It’s the only time people get routinely financially rinsed and then thank the robber for their help.

People get competitive about their weddings. They compare and contrast with friends. They have to be better than the last one.

Kourtney Kardashian and husband Travis Barker’s wedding in Portofino made headlines. Picture: VERONESI / BACKGRID

For some people, it consumes years of their lives. They start to live and breathe wedding planning. Sorry, can’t come to the pub night – planning my wedding.

Endlessly scoping out venues. And then choosing the tablecloths. And the napkins. And the seating arrangements. On and on it goes. It’s like it becomes some people’s entire personalities.

I don’t get it.

How much would you be prepared to pay? Picture: iStock

The idea of dropping $35,000 on something that might last a maximum of 12 hours is, frankly, obscene.

And that’s before you get to the honeymoon.

I’ve been to some lovely weddings, and they are fabulous events celebrating fabulous people, but folks – save your money.

Tom Cruise and actress Katie Holmes reportedly dropped around $3.5 million on their wedding in 2006. Picture: AP Photo/Robert Evans

My parents eloped and have never regretted doing so. It cost them four fifths of bugger all and they’re still together nearly 30 years later.

They’re the lucky ones. Nearly half of Australian marriages end in divorce. So you might end up dropping another $35k the next time round and, if you’re really unlucky, you might do it a third time.

Is all that money really worth it?

Beyond the power and value of matrimony, a wedding is basically just a big party. You can have one of those at any time for a fraction of the cost.

Keep the wedding simple and throw a party at a later date. You could hire out a pub, put $35,000 on the bar for 100 of your closest friends and you’d all be pissed for a week.

Better yet, put the money towards a house deposit.

Michael Douglas and actress Catherine Zeta-Jones dropped $1.5 million on their big day back in 2000. Picture: AP / Michael O’Neill

That’s the bit that really gets me. Beyond the fact that a wedding costs so much, how do people afford them?

The cost of everything after the wedding has become more expensive, too. You’d be much better off spending that money as part of a place for you both to live in.

Don’t get me wrong – I love weddings. But we shouldn’t judge if people do it on the cheap and there shouldn’t be pressure to splurge on the biggest party you’ve ever seen.

Weddings are ultimately about celebrating love and, in all honesty, a wedding that costs $1000 is just as valuable as one that costs $35,000.

Originally published as Truth about expensive weddings you’re not ready to hear