Jana Hocking reveals why women are to blame for men not giving them orgasms

It’s an innocent habit many of us are guilty of – but according to Jana Hocking, it often leads to blokes being a dud when it really counts.

A little while ago I was woken in the middle of the night to something prodding me from behind. I was delighted to discover it was from a randy man friend who had decided the midnight hour would be the perfect time for some handsy action during our sexy slumber party.

My initial annoyance at being woken up at some ungodly hour quickly subsided as I realised I too was up for it.

So off came the sexy PJs (exclusively reserved for when I have a male visitor) and away we went.

It was all fine and dandy, but the minutes were ticking by and I was conscious of the fact I had to get up for work in a few hours and wouldn’t mind a few extra zzzs. So I invoked my inner Meg Ryan in that scene from When Harry Met Sally (you know the one …) and gave the most orgasmic performance of my life. Give the girl an Oscar, because my man friend thought I had climaxed big time.

The truth was, I hadn’t. Not even close. But I needed to wind things up, so I faked an orgasm.

And confession: I’ve done it more than once.

So recently, during a cheeky conversation with my girlfriends about how much of a dud some men can be in bed and their tendency to leave us unsatisfied, I had a realisation that might be slightly controversial – we are to blame.

‘We need to – dare I say it – hold ourselves accountable and stop encouraging poor performance’. Picture: Instagram/@jana_hocking

Yes, lady friends, we need to hang our heads in shame, because all this fakery is doing us and our men a disservice.

With recent studies showing that 70 per cent of women have faked an orgasm, it’s time we put an end to it.

Let’s be honest, we’re not faking them for our own enjoyment. We’re faking them because we don’t want to hurt fragile male egos. Or simply because we’re bored. Or because it’s taking too long. But what we’re really doing is making these blokes bad at sex – not better.

So, what’s the solution? Rather than faking it, we need to give them positive directions.

Instead of letting them believe that their relentless jackhammering is impressing us, we need to – dare I say it – hold ourselves accountable and stop encouraging poor performance.

Perhaps we try clearly communicating what actually makes us go gaga in the sack. A simple suggestion like “let’s try this move” or “how about we slow down a bit” can turn a meh session into a jolly good time for everyone.

‘A simple suggestion like ‘let’s try this move’ or ‘how about we slow down a bit’ can turn a meh session into a jolly good time for everyone’. Picture: iStock

And the thing is, anyone who has ever experienced the mighty power of a vibrator will know that it is actually very easy to climax, we just need to teach our men how to get us there. Much like the little buzzy contraptions in our hands, we must lead men in the right direction.

Because let’s be honest, faking an orgasm is a bit like giving someone a Michelin star for microwaving frozen pizza – false praise that promotes mediocrity.

And here’s another plot twist for you. University of Florida psychology professor Laurie Mintz states that women take four minutes to orgasm, so can we please quit saying the problem is that we take too long to get there? Anyone who has used their favourite buzz buzz device before the morning alarm will know this stat to be oh so true.

At the end of the day, by faking an orgasm we are telling ourselves that a man’s pleasure is more important than our own, and in 2024, we can’t still be thinking like that, ladies.

So let me put it this way.

A footy player would never be offended by their coach giving them tips to improve their game. Blokes on a golf course wouldn’t be upset if Tiger Woods pulled up and gave them some tips to improve their swing. So why should we be nervous to coach them on how to give us a big old O? They’re our bodies after all, and we know them better than anyone else. So instead of expecting them to instantly know what to do, let’s teach them.

Here’s to a world with more orgasms.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking reveals why women are to blame for men not giving them orgasms