Common act exposes why divorce rates are on the rise in Australia
A woman who shared a “PSA for husbands everywhere” has exposed the common act causing wives to walk out on their husbands.
Marriage
Don't miss out on the headlines from Marriage. Followed categories will be added to My News.
A married woman who was “forgotten” by her husband on Christmas Day has called for men not to commit the all too common act after her heartbreaking experience went viral.
Aubree Jones has shared a “PSA for husbands everywhere” for the past two years after she captured the moment she realised her husband of 13 years, Josh, hadn’t bought her a gift for the 10th year in a row.
While Josh and their six kids all received hoards of presents and a jam-packed stocking, Aubree received nothing because her other half failed to fill her festive sack.
Thankfully, Josh has since “learnt it’s his job”, but the true tragedy in Aubree’s annual reminder is just how many men “forget” about the woman in their life.
“Last year we did a poll and 7 out of 10 women either fill their own stocking or wake up to an empty one,” she told news.com.au.
“We share the video every year because Josh realised he had been neglecting my stocking every year and he didn’t fully understand the importance of it until that moment, and he felt like other men might be the same.
“It’s just a fun, lighthearted way to call men out to do the little things this season that can show their wives how much they love them.”
Melbourne psychologist Carly Dober said the video highlights how women in heterosexual relationships carry the brunt of the “mental load”, a task which is rarely recognised by their partners.
Ms Dober, who works at Melbourne’s Enriching Lives Psychology clinic, explained it can take many forms, including planning birthdays, Christmases, and other celebrations and remembering what needs to get done in the household or in the relationship and when.
“It’s when women are in the role of delegating all the tasks to respective family members or friends, and making sure they actually get done,” she told news.com.au.
“It can also include emotional labour, meaning being the one who listens, comforts and problem-solves.
“Even in the most progressive relationships this can be a point of contention, in which the woman still does the bulk of the work and it isn’t acknowledged – and may in many cases simply be ‘expected’.”
A 2023 Australian study found women take on the mental load of planning and co-ordinating activities for children in 78 per cent of families, despite only being the primary carer in 52 per cent of homes.
While recent data also shows legal separations are on the rise, with divorces recorded at 2.2 per 1000 Australian residents in 2021, up from 1.9 the year prior, the Australian Institute of Family Studies stated.
Aubree stressed Josh is a great dad and partner – but said he “dropped the ball” and the video was a “wake-up call”.
“I’ve taken on this role as an unspoken responsibility because I enjoy it more,” she told news.com.au.
“But just because you enjoy something doesn’t mean it doesn’t add additional stress to my already busy schedule as a wife and stay-at-home mum.
“The previous years, I had just filled my own stocking, but that was the first time I didn’t do it, and instead left it completely empty.
“When Josh saw the empty stocking, he realised that should have been his responsibility, and he dropped the ball.”
The viral clip, which clocks up millions of views every year, the Jones’ family home can be seen filled with presents for the kids, Josh and even the dog, while poor Aubree’s stocking lies unloved and empty on a chair.
“Why’s it empty?” Josh can be heard asking, after noting everyone else’s were stuffed to the brim.
“Santa didn’t come for me,” Aubree, who is sat on a couch in her PJs, responds solemnly.
The 30-second video made a huge impact, sparking an outpouring of support, as well as anger among women who argued it highlighted the “exhausting” reality of being in a relationship with a man in 2024.
“I wondered how common this is for other mums and we both agreed we should post it as a PSA to other husbands who may not realise that many women either have empty stockings, or have to fill them themselves,” Aubree explained.
Shawnda Patterson, a popular dating coach, said Josh’s actions are an example of why more and more women are choosing not to get married.
“The holiday magic that that woman created for everyone, even down to the fact the dog had a stocking, yet no attention was paid to her, no effort, no nothing,” she stated in a video.
“[The look on] her face, she laughed but it looked like she wanted to cry.”
Patterson, who has amassed over 625,000 followers with her feminist videos calling out patriarchal behaviours, went on to argue these actions can spark the end of marriages.
“That woman looks tired … and this man is oblivious to it. But this is how men lose their wives,” she said.
This is a sentiment shared by Ms Dober, who said the person carrying the bulk of the mental load in relationships is usually “exhausted” and “frustrated”, adding this one-sided behaviour can have a negative impact on someone’s life.
“When people do not have the energy and time to spend on themselves and their wellbeing because they are busy attending to others, this can impact sleep, impact down time, and self-care,” she said.
“It can also damage partnerships by making the person who carries the burden of this work feel resentful, unappreciated, unimportant, not supported, and taken for granted.
“This can cause rifts with couples who may struggle in managing this. Ultimately, people (typically women) want the relief from planning and delegation.”
Women responding to Aubree’s videos certainly echoed this, with many sharing their own similar experiences.
“As a mum and wife, this actually made me cry. This is my reality and it hurts,” one shared.
“A couple years ago I finally stopped filling mine… empty until last year, my sweet youngest child, coloured a picture and placed it in mine. That’s when everyone else noticed,” another said.
As one admitted: “I’m not joking when this was 1 of my reasons I filed for divorce. It’s not about the gifts. It’s that he never even thought I was important enough to bother with.”
Others argued Aubree should “leave”, stating it was “never going to get better”.
“This is why I’m divorced. I refuse to live in the background and never be cared for while in a lifelong commitment,” one said.
“This is absolutely heartbreaking, get out,” another pleaded.
Aubree however said her husband was committed to “doing better” and has filled her stocking in the three years since the video was filmed.
“I really just want to bring attention to husbands who may not realise a small thing like lollies, moisturiser, and socks in a stocking can make their wife feel seen and appreciated,” she told news.com.au.
“My hope was that women who currently have empty stockings (or fill them themselves) would send the video to their husband and open the doors to communicate their need in a lighthearted way.
“However there has been a lot of negativity and it has shocked both of us.
“It makes me realise how many women there are who have felt hurt from someone forgetting about them in the past.”
For some, the clip serves as evidence of the continued gender imbalance in heterosexual relationships, as many married women declared: “Men are endlessly disappointing.”
Originally published as Common act exposes why divorce rates are on the rise in Australia
Newlyweds track down wedding crashers
Two women crashed a wedding in a way that went viral. Nine hours later, they’ve been tracked down by the newlyweds.
Fitness queen ties the knot in lavish wedding
Sydney “it” couple, pilates guru Bernadette Fahey and businessman Jordan Sukkar, married in a celeb-packed eastern suburbs affair.