Celery sticks and sipping on water, this is what a ‘recent nutritionist bride’ said women should eat on their wedding day

SIPPING on water, a whole papaya and even sticks of celery, this is the advice from a “recent nutritionist bride” on wedding day food.

Why ‘nutritionist bride’ is wrong

THE pure butter Walkers Shortbread stuck in my throat when I came across the article on juicedaily.com titled: Exactly what to eat on your wedding day.

The author lists herself as a “recent nutritionist bride” and the article goes into great detail about what you should nibble before, during and after your nuptials.

“Fruits, lean protein, veggies a WHOLE papaya” …

Now, I’m all for somebody taking care of themselves and watching what they eat, but these overly prescriptive missives cause me concern because I feel that we’re turning consumption into a cult.

We seem to have lost the ability to simply eat food because we like the smell of it, it looks good and we figure it might taste good. Oh yeah and don’t forget that once upon a time in a land far away we ate food just because we were a wee bit peckish. Nowadays it’s all about your fuel, your nourishment and your relationship with food …

“Jessica Sepel is a nutritionist who teaches people to eat with a deep sense of peace.”

Not just a sense of peace, a deep sense of peace. Eating with any peace in my life would require removal of my entire family so can somebody please show me how I “activate” this like a bag of organic hand hewed nuts?

Why you should eat whatever you want on your wedding day. Picture: iStock

Seriously, just how much of a relationship do you think you might have with a head of broccoli? Would a bowl of wholegrain pasta come around to watch The Block with you?

Terms like super foods, clean eating and the grammatically confusing raw cooking pepper our dinner party conversations like pepitas in a quinoa salad. We’re so desperate to hoe into foods that sustain us not just feed us that we’re now incapable of buying an item off the supermarket shelf unless we’ve triple checked the label to see if it’s gluten, dairy and refined sugar free.

Organic, macrobiotic, alkaline, home foraged, locally harvested, the list of food terminology is as long as a string of stone ground hand thrown spaghetti and searching for or adhering to such strict guidelines does nothing to help our ever increasing anxiety levels. Food, like sex, serves a purpose, but it’s also something most of us like to do because we enjoy it. Personally I fail to see how anybody can derive pleasure from something that seems so restricted, so prescriptive, so bloody wholesome and wholegrain.

Particularly on your wedding day. The blog goes into great detail about your breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, drinks.

“I encourage brides-to-be to drink lots and lots of water on the days leading up to the wedding — but on the big day it’s best to stick to small sips. This will prevent bloating and extra fluid retention “

No, not champas. Sip on water first thing on your wedding day is the advice from a “recent nutritionist bride”. Picture: iStock.

If it isn’t enough that you have to deal with the waring relatives, the place settings, your hair straightener and his mother. Now our nutritionist bride tells us we have to worry about bloat, natural antidiuretics, blood sugars and what I presume is a huge wedding day risk — a sugar “crash”

So come on Brides, relax. It’s your wedding and you deserve to have a good time, most of you have worked yourself into a lather for months about your BIG day and now you should kick back and be in the moment. Forget about your diet plan or your intolerance to everything but water and rice. Don’t have a conversation today about the merits of cooking with coconut oil or ingesting bone broth and instead say “I do” to your inner foodie.

Go hard on the Tiramisu, rip into the lamb cutlets, knock yourself out on the profiteroles, eat sliced white bread and if you want to eat nothing but Jatz crackers and an entire tub of Kraft French Onion Dip, today is the day my friends.

Sure, it could mess you up a little, you might feel a tad queasy and have a foggy brain. You may even find and you wake up the next morning wondering what the hell it was you did last night?

But it’s safe to suggest that you wouldn’t be the first bride to have those thoughts the morning after their wedding.

Originally published as Celery sticks and sipping on water, this is what a ‘recent nutritionist bride’ said women should eat on their wedding day