'You should have worked': My kids resent me for being a stay-at-home-mum

"I NEVER saw this one coming," says a mum who dedicated her entire life to raising her family.

Being a parent can often throw some unexpected twists at you and perhaps one of the most heartbreaking is when grown children express resentment for your choices. 

That's what a recent forum post highlights, where a mum shares her story of being a stay-at-home mum and facing her adult children's feelings about her decision.

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'You should have worked'

Her post read: "I NEVER saw this one coming. My adult, grown kids (18-20) say they resent me for being a stay-at-home mum because now I can't help with their life financially."

"They say things like, 'You've never had a job or gone to school so you don't understand', and 'The least you can do is get a job now to help me', along with lots of other comments like, 'You should've worked all those years'."

For this mum, the choice to be a stay-at-home mum was a deeply personal one, driven by a desire to prioritise her children's "safety and well-being over everything."

She said she sacrificed going to university, having a career and having freedom in order to raise them - something she was happy to do at the time. "I thought it was best, and we made it by just fine financially," she said.

Now, faced with her adult kids' ungratefulness, she feels she's, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," but adds, "I wish my choices hadn't hurt them. That was the total opposite of what I thought I was doing.

"I hope one day they'll understand."

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'Entitled is the keyword here'

The responses from other forum users were a mix of empathy and understanding.

One user writes, "I don’t understand why they feel entitled or have the expectation that they should have financial support as an adult. That has nothing to do with whether you were a single or dual-income household at all."

This sentiment was echoed in another person's comment, who said: "You need to set some boundaries with your kids as they transition to adulthood, so they don't feel entitled to what they may have had previously."

And a third replied and pointed out: "Entitled is the keyword here. Your children’s comments sound extremely entitled! They also lack gratitude. Were they always this rotten?"

"Mama, there's always going to be something that you did wrong in their eyes. If you had worked, they'd probably be bitching that they didn't see you enough. It's not about you, it's about them," suggested one commenter. 

"Kids don't have the wherewithal to be grateful. They just eat your food and break your heart. Your kids are just too self-involved right now to get it," mentioned a different woman. 

And lots of commenters encouraged the mum to educate her kids about the "invisible labour" she did to raise them, with one claiming, "It's actually really messed up that they took all the work you've poured into them for granted like that."

'Once they have kids they will understand your choice better'

On the other hand, someone made this point: "Not in a bad way and I don’t mean to shame mum or put her down at all - but she said she put her kid first before everything, so they probably expect the same treatment now."

Then this person tried to empathise with her kids, while still providing support to the OP: "My guess is that they're likely having a hard time managing jobs and uni and are looking to blame someone. Don't take it too hard, I think they will come around once they're done with the struggle and get proper jobs. 

"Plus, once they have kids they will understand your choice better."

Someone else encouraged: "Might take a few years for them to mature and actually understand what you did for them. Don’t get too upset with it."

"I definitely did not appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice my parents put in until I had my own kids," emphasised another woman.

Originally published as 'You should have worked': My kids resent me for being a stay-at-home-mum