'When you look in the mirror, you see a completely different person'

"Your whole face can change... and you have to try to explain to your two year old why this is happening."

It was just before Christmas in 2022 that I first found a lump on my breast. 

I’d just put my little girls to bed, one five months and the other 22 months old at the time. 

I didn’t think too much of it as I was still breastfeeding, but decided to book myself into the GP just in case. 

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Not long after, I was diagnosed with stage two triple negative breast cancer.

My treatment plan involved 12 months of chemotherapy and immunotherapy, with a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction halfway through.

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Cindy Baker was diagnosed with breast cancer just after Christmas in 2022. Picture: Supplied

"A lot of people don't see the emotional toll treatment takes on you"

Going through cancer treatment comes with so many uncertainties. Not only was I afraid of what could happen to me, but I was also trying to figure out how to explain it to my daughters, especially my eldest, who could tell that something wasn’t quite right. 

My mother and father were diagnosed with cancer around the same time as me, making it an even more stressful time for my family. 

I think what a lot of people don’t see is the emotional toll treatment takes on you. 

Not only are you in a lot of physical pain, but you also feel very vulnerable emotionally. 

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It’s a huge hit to your self esteem. When you look in the mirror, you see a completely different person. 

Your whole face can change such as your skin texture, skin colour and your nails. Often your face fills with fluid, and you have to try to explain to your two year old why this is happening. 

Coming to terms with my hair falling out was also difficult, and wondering what I was going to do for the next couple of years before it all grows back.

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Cindy said the emotional struggle of her diagnosis was just as tough as the physical pain. Picture: Supplied

"It was the day after chemo, and I felt horrible"

A girlfriend of mine who was going through treatment at the same time found out about an organisation called Look Good Feel Better, running free workshops to help people manage the physical and mental impacts of treatment. 

I was reluctant to attend a workshop at first. It was the day after chemo and I felt horrible, but I eventually agreed and invited my mum to come along in an effort to help her through her diagnosis as well.

As soon as we arrived though, I felt so much better. I could tell everyone was a little hesitant at first, but as soon as we all started chatting and sharing stories, an overwhelming sense of ease spread throughout the room. 

The volunteer directing the session ran us through a number of ways to apply our makeup and skincare. We also learned how to use headwear to cover the balding patches on our heads.

People of all walks of life attended the workshop, some old, some young, some who had lost all their hair and others who still had theirs. 

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Cindy took steps coming to term with her diagnosis thanks to Look Good Feel Better, and she is now cancer-free. Picture: Supplied

"I am extremely grateful to the volunteers for giving us an opportunity to feel like ourselves"

There was one lady who lived out in the country, who hadn’t worn a spot of makeup in twenty odd years. She was just there for a bit of fun and was doing her makeup with good humour, giving everyone a good laugh.

Being connected with others coming to terms with their changing bodies was incredibly uplifting to me while I was going through a really dark stage of my life. 

I am extremely grateful to the Look Good Feel Better volunteers, the program and donors, for giving us the opportunity to feel like ourselves for the first time in a long time.

I’m very grateful to say that my mother, father and I are all now cancer free, and feeling the best we have since we got diagnosed.

Originally published as 'When you look in the mirror, you see a completely different person'