'No one wants to look like a tighta** over $7.50'

"Surely they're just taking the piss?" an Aussie mum asks about the cost of a basic item for kids in a cafe.

The other day, while buying a coffee, I bought my two kids a babycino so we could sit in a civilised manner and sup together (in my dreams). 

Then, the server rang up the total amount.

“I’m sorry. How much are the babycinos?” I said, trying to remain calm.

“$3.75,” she replied. “Each.”

“For milk froth?” I asked.

“And a marshmallow,” she replied.

I wanted to ask, “How much are marshmallows these days!?” But I bit my tongue.

I could feel myself transforming into an elderly grump who lectures teenagers in cafes: Back in my day, babycinos were free! We literally used the leftover milk from a coffee! 

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"No one wants to be a tightass over $7.50"

Look, I paid for them anyway, which is how cafes get away with it; no one wants to look like a tightass over $7.50.

But then again, in an age of ‘cozzy livs’ $7.50 is another two coffees - sorry, I mean one and a half. Surely they’re just taking the piss? 

I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, so instead, I went home and calculated the cost of an individual marshmallow. A 250g bag has approximately 44 marshmallows in it, and the cost averages around $3.50 per bag, meaning that an individual marshmallow comes in at $0.07.

A babycino is about 50mL of milk, which, according to my sketchy calculations, equals $0.07, bringing the total wholesale cost up to a whopping $0.14. This is a 361% markup, people, I repeat, 361%.

I’m actually surprised there aren’t more baristas out there driving Lamborghinis with this kind of extreme profit. 

Image: Cherie Gilmour

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"Totally first-world problem"

I get it; there are additional costs of running a business and paying staff, yada yada, but surely not that much?

The markup on a cup of coffee is equally obscene, so it’s understandable that caffeine-dependent parents desperate for a hit are probably already feeling guilty about buying one out. You’d feel selfish to deny your kid a simple babycino, so you fork out and may as well transfer your life savings over to the cafe while you’re at it.

But sometimes I wonder: Are we just training our kids to be mindless consumers? Going out for coffee is just something you do, and we don’t challenge it because you don’t want to be that annoying, preachy person who goes on about the cost of living.

Instead, you become an annoying, preachy person who writes about this totally first-world problem on a website instead. 

I guess it’s good to be reminded that we live in such absolute abundance and that even when a cafe charges you $7.50 for two babycinos, you can grumble about it, but you’ve still got the cash to hand over.

Although you might have to work a few extra hours to justify it, there’s always a coffee to get you through - and froth for your kids.

Originally published as 'No one wants to look like a tighta** over $7.50'