‘My wife is so strict I’m worried it borders on abuse’

“Our son only turned five and she thinks letting him go hungry is a ‘natural consequence’ of not eating the food she makes,” the concerned dad reveals.

Pilar Grace

2 min read

September 17, 2023 - 8:09PM

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Martin* and his wife Mary don’t see eye-to-eye on parenting their son, Charlie.

He’s lenient, and she’s always been strict, even when Charlie was a very little guy.

When he was three, Mary was completely against co-sleeping, even when the little boy was obviously distressed. “She would take him back to bed on his own each time,” Martin explained on Reddit.

He felt sorry for the little boy. He wouldn’t have minded having Charlie in their bed, and he thought Mary’s approach was too harsh. “We would always say no, even if he had a nightmare or was sick.”

The family’s other battle is over food. The incidents are typical power struggles, like when Charlie was served ice cream in a bowl he didn’t like and demanded a new bowl.

Mary said he could eat the ice cream as it was or she’d throw it out. He refused and she was good on her word, tossing the dessert in the bin.

“It led to an even bigger tantrum. I understand her refusal to switch bowls once he started screaming, but I don’t see why she couldn’t have switched it when he first said (calmly) he didn’t want that bowl.”

All these things seemed pretty minor to Martin, until Charlie started refusing to eat.

The only way he’ll try something other than macaroni and cheese is if the food is off one of his parents’ plates.

“My wife outright refuses to allow it to show him ‘natural consequences’ of being hungry when he won’t eat.”

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Martin thought his wife was too hard on their son. Photo: iStock

Dad and mum disagree on parenting

People shared their experiences in the comments.

“My parents also adhered to ‘eat what you’re served or else you go hungry’,” one person said. “In every aspect of life they were unbending in their rules and boundaries out of principle. My siblings and I were all very well-behaved so it worked.”

Others were shocked that Mary could let her son go hungry.

“I could never imagine allowing my child to go hungry just to prove a point,” one person said. “I can also never imagine not allowing my sick child to snuggle in bed with me. Ya cool, he's strict and disciplined, but there are limits to everything.”

One mum spoke from experience.

“I’m a mum to four, ages 17 to 30. I used to be your wife,” she said. “If I could go back in time, I’d have been more like you. Not willing to die on every hill, more laid back, I’ve learned to pick my battles.

“Being too unyielding will lead to children who are too unyielding, and who won’t know how to adapt and learn resilience. Kindness and understanding will teach kindness and understanding. Stubbornness and power struggles will turn into much bigger issues than macaroni and cheese in time.”

*Names have been changed