My teen refused to go on her $1000 school camp and won't tell me why

"I've now said she owes me the non-refundable fee because I saved so hard for it." Would you respond as this hard-working mum has?

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Advice Needed

My daughter is 13, almost 14. Recently, her school announced a trip. She begged me to go. Initially, I said no because they wanted five monthly instalments of $250, which would be a stretch. I am a single working mum with a huge mortgage and no child support.

She complained about this and said all her friends were going, and it made her feel like the odd one out. I finally told her I would pay for it, but she had to be sure she would go.

My daughter was grateful and has been excited. I took on extra shifts to pay for the monthly instalments. Her passport had also expired, so I paid to renew it.

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Now, it's seven days until camp, and she's changed her mind - refusing to go.

There's no real reason; she doesn't want to. I think it's because one of her friends isn't going due to illness, but there will be others she's close to there.

I told her that she needed to repay me if she didn't want to go, as the trip was non-refundable. I won't be giving her birthday money this year (I usually give $350), and will also take any cash she gets from others. I've said she can do chores to work for the rest until it's repaid.

Am I being unfair?

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Kidspot's Jordana's Advice

Mums of tweens and teens, I don't envy you. I am trying to slow down time to ensure my boys don't go through it. I'm that terrified. 

Many parents out there would be cheering you on from behind their screens reading this. It doesn't matter what age; kids will do this. They'll beg for something they can't live without, only to discard it once they finally get it, the very next day.

It's infuriating. 

You made the right choice. Actions have consequences; we teach our kids this from when they are toddlers. Your daughter begged you for this trip, and while it's hard for our kids to understand the cost-of-living crisis, they need to be aware. Nothing in this world is free.

Except air and sun, as my son loves to point out. 

I often do this with my eldest when he loses something at school; he has to do chores to make up the cost of replacing it. That is precisely what you are doing with this trip. She has to know that there are consequences in life. In the real world, she has to learn that commitments matter. When you pay a significant amount of money for something, it doesn't magically reappear. 

Image: iStock

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For the sacrifice you made, she needs to pay 

The cost of this trip was significant. You sacrificed your own time and time away from your daughter to work extra shifts to pay for it.

We are all human, we change our minds - but there are times that you just have to put on your big-girl panties and do the hard thing. And for your daughter, repayment seems like an incredible opportunity and far from a "hard thing."

I would give a heads-up to the family members who will kindly gift her money for her birthday. Hopefully, they will understand. It's an important life lesson, and you have to take advantage of this moment to teach her. 

You aren't taking away her birthday, just the presents. 

On her birthday day, spend it with her and make it memorable in non-monetary ways.

Originally published as My teen refused to go on her $1000 school camp and won't tell me why