My mum treats my kids differently to her other grandkids

"I'm not going to sit back and keep watching her bully children," a mum-of-two writes for Kidspot.

Do you know a grandparent who treats their grandkids differently? Apparently it's very common. And my mum is one of them.

I had noticed it for a while but kept telling myself I was in my head about it.

Until my 8-year-old niece asked me one day, "Why does Nanny treat us differently from the other cousins?"

I was shocked.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

RELATED: My MIL won’t babyproof her house for a strange reason

"She loves you all very much"

I think I said something like "She loves you all very much."

That's all I could say. What was I supposed to do?  Tell my eight-year-old niece it's true? Tell her that nanny loves the other kids more?

No. And since then, it's only gotten worse. To the point where one of the other grandchildren was sent home from a sleepover for being 'difficult'.

Of course, Nanny would never admit that she treats them differently. I don't even think she realizes that's it's happening. And it's not even one particular thing that she does or one thing she says, it's a buildup of so many passive aggressive words, unnecessary reactions and half of the kids unknowingly having to walk on eggshells.

For the favourite grandchild, the ones that get treated like God's angels themselves, no harm can be done. I can almost guarantee that if they didn't like the bed that Nanny had set up, she would change it all just for them. She would bend over backwards to make them comfortable.

However, if it were my kids or some of my other nieces, there would be a lot of anger, frustration, and 'under the breath comments'.

I've heard her call them ungrateful on multiple occasions. And all of us adult siblings can see it happening to our kids. But what can we do about it? If we try to speak to Nanny, she just doesn't see it and then goes to ask for a specific example of what happened and then denies.

But to us, and now even the kids, it's so damn clear and obvious.

Image: iStock

RELATED: Grandma’s reaction to triplet announcement melts hearts

"Where are all the kind grandmas at?"

I honestly thought we were a crazy family and that this was unusual, but I've also recently discovered a lot of grandmas that do this.

Is it a generational thing? Where are all the kind Grandmas at?

I've got a friend who has completely cut her mum out of her life because of it. She does not want her children to be bullied by their own grandparents. And I think it's completely fair enough.

And since posting anonymously in a Facebook group, I've seen so many other people struggling with similar situations. One comment in particular from the Facebook post was from a child educator. And I just can't get it out of my head.

She posted: "Children will not understand that it's just the grandparent being unfair and downright mean, the children will internalise that there is something wrong with them."

I agree with this 100%. It has shook me and made me realize I need set boundaries. I'm not sure what kind of boundaries yet, but I know I need to do something. I'm not going to sit back and watch this bullying happen to my kids.

And to the other parents out there struggling with this, you are not alone. This is not okay. And it's okay to make a change to stop this. I need to fight for my kids' feelings. For their self-confidence.

I am their champion, their protector. I know them best and it is my job to guide them through this life, showing them what kind of behavior is normal and kind, and highlighting what is not okay.

Originally published as My mum treats my kids differently to her other grandkids