My husband said he needs to ‘mentally prepare’ to watch our baby

"He gets a break from the house and work, that’s his 'alone time' and I clearly don’t have that option."

Life with a baby can turn your relationship on its head and shift dynamics like nothing else.

While some parenting duos find mutual respect for each other, one mum has shared a very frustrating and unfair situation she’s found herself in.

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“He’s not mentally prepared”

The mum, who goes by Lumpy-Prune-9174, took to the parenting forum on Reddit to vent about her husband’s poor behaviour.

“My husband works M-F, I just started going back to work 2-3 days a week, so I primarily take care of our 3-month-old daughter,” she started.

“Today when my husband got home I asked him if I could go to the store to get new clothes to wear back to work because I had been mentioning for weeks that I needed to go and we’ve just kept pushing it off.”

And here is where we felt out blood pressure rise: “He told me he’s not mentally prepared to watch the baby while I run to the store.”

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Wait, what?!

The mum went on to justify that their daughter isn’t a difficult child (which shouldn’t be relevant given it’s their baby): “I would understand if she was being difficult or if I was asking to leave for hours, but it’s a quick trip.

“It’s worth noting that he has no problem with me leaving him with the baby when I work 8 hours or if I’m getting something from the store that benefits him.”

It seemed the husband was happy to implement double standards in the relationship, “ It’s also worth noting that he goes to the gym 2-3 times a week so he gets a break from the house and work, that’s his “alone time”...I clearly don’t have that option,” she said. 

Naturally, the mum felt frustrated by the whole situation, “I think it’s a little crappy for him to refuse me to leave the house even though I’m in need of a little alone time too because I literally feel like I’m stuck in the house.”

"Tell him that’s too bad, so sad. He’s a PARENT. Not a babysitter." Source: iStock

“Easy. Stop asking.”

The comments section exploded with support and advice for the mum.

“Easy. Stop asking.  I'm sure he doesn't,” wrote one. 

“‘Honey, I'm going to the store. I'll be back by X time’. And then... leave. He's an adult, fully capable of caring for his child,” they added.

“Tell him that’s too bad, so sad. He’s a PARENT. Not a babysitter. He had 9 months to mentally prepare,” another stated.

One mum shared, “I have to mentally prepare too, and guess what? I suck it up and do when it needs doing. He can prepare in a few minutes, and then figure it out as he goes.”

One parent offered some solid advice: “The response to this could be, okay, so what do you need to be mentally prepared? I’m leaving in the next 30 minutes. The baby is fed and has a fresh diaper, and she’s having a good day, so do what you need to do. I’m leaving you an easy baby.

“Make sure you assert that you’re leaving, not asking, and don’t give him wiggle room for an excuse.”

How to align better with your partner

Elisabeth Shaw, a clinical and counselling psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, recently spoke to HCF about ways to reconnect with your partner after having a baby.

“Children can throw a romantic relationship off kilter pretty easily,” said Shaw.

“You’re suddenly on someone else’s timeline rather than the one you had established as a couple. That lack of control can be very challenging. 

“Then there are the practical aspects, such as managing sleep and change of routine, as well as changes in domestic duties, and often changes to financial situations, too.”

She explained that many couples report being less happy in their relationships after becoming parents, but this doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.

 “Often these early changes become ‘set and forget’, which can make it hard for couples to renegotiate and reconnect over time,” said Shaw. 

“Taking small steps to reconnect regularly can keep your relationship healthy and set it up for long-term success.”

Maybe it's time to have a good chat to this dad about expectations. Source: iStock

An expert’s tips

Shaw offered several ways to help navigate an unhappy relationship post-baby.

She suggested scheduling regular couple time without the children and treating it as a non-negotiable appointment. 

Spending time together, even when you're exhausted, is crucial for maintaining intimacy and strengthening your bond.

Prioritising self-care is equally important. Taking care of your physical and emotional health through nutritious food, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep helps buffer the stresses that can arise within your relationship.

Regular communication is also essential for addressing any issues that may arise. 

Schedule monthly meetings to discuss feelings and concerns, but make sure they don't interfere with your quality time together.

Seeking help from a professional counsellor can provide you with the tools and guidance you need to strengthen your relationship and navigate the challenges of parenthood together.

Finally, set smaller, more manageable relationship goals and celebrate each small victory along the way. 

Be realistic about the challenges you may face, and remember to be kind and supportive of each other as you work towards your goals.

If all this fails, we guess this guy needs a huge reality check and remember, mentally preparing to care for your child doesn’t need to be booked 2-3 business days in advance!

Originally published as My husband said he needs to ‘mentally prepare’ to watch our baby