‘My husband isn’t the dad I thought he’d be’

“His behaviour started when I was pregnant, and since the baby arrived, it’s gotten so much worse… he can’t even hold our son for five minutes before he gets frustrated and hands him back,” the new mum reveals.

Allison*, 27, just had her first baby, and the young mum is struggling.

But it’s not motherhood or her infant son that she’s finding hard. It’s her husband, Colin, 26.

Since her second trimester, Colin has been acting out.

“Something changed. He became very sensitive and had frequent outbursts,” she explained in a Reddit post.

“We did a lot of talking things through including him apologising a lot. My third trimester nothing changed except he got comfortable treating me poorly.

“I did the best I could to enjoy my pregnancy and even take care of his feelings because I know he was stressing over this big change.”

But then the baby came, and Allison’s focus shifted to caring for her child and herself.

Colin has found it frustrating having a baby around. “Not even 24 hours after our son was born he was telling the baby to ‘shush’ and ‘relax’ in a not so pleasant tone because he cried while he was changing his nappy.”

Since the couple came home from hospital, it’s only become worse.

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Colin's behaviour started deteriorating when Allison was in her second semester. Photo: iStock

Woman disappointed in husband as a father

Colin has withdrawn from Allison and the baby.

“He can’t hold our son for more than five minutes while he’s fussy without giving up and getting frustrated and passing him on to me.

“He no longer wakes up in the middle of the night to soothe our son. He does almost nothing for him besides a nappy change a day or hold him for two minutes.

“He tells me he’s in his head about being an adequate father.”

Allison said although Colin had asked that she be patient with him while he sorted out his behaviour she was at a loss for what she could do, and asked the community for help.

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Some people said Colin should suck it up.

“Sorry to say this so bluntly, but tough taters for him,” one person said. “This is no longer about him, this is about your baby. You husband’s wants and needs are secondary at best. He can either get on board or step aside.”

“It sounds like he’s a lazy bum who expects the woman to do the work. Same story all the time,” said another.

“Hopefully he will take it somewhere else like a big boy and talk to a professional or men at his church or his own dad or even the neighbour,” said a third person.  

RELATED: Husband and wife battle depression at the same time

Some people suggested Colin was depressed.

“I am not qualified to say that he is showing full-blown depression but I definitely recognise some of that from the first time I became a dad,” one person wrote. “I did eventually agree to get some help from a professional. And it helped.”

Others said that Colin might just need time.

“I experienced a similar situation with my husband when we had our first son,” one person shared. “The first few months, I truly contemplated divorce, I was scared of what my future would look like. But things steadily improved.

“As our son began to smile and giggle and interact, parenthood became more rewarding and meaningful for him. He is now SUCH a good dad.”

But one person had a frightening warning.

“Do not leave your baby alone with a man who raises his voice or has a ‘not so nice tone’ towards a literal newborn baby for crying,” they said. “The next step from there is shaken baby syndrome."

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My husband isn’t the dad I thought he’d be’