My daughter is such a vicious school bully, I'm wrecking the rest of her year

The mum was horrified not only at her daughter's behaviour, but that the other student couldn't bear it anymore and took drastic action. 

A mum has taken to a popular advice forum to ask if the punishment she gave her teenage daughter for bullying a girl out of school was too severe. 

In addition to making her miss a "once in a lifetime event" (her school formal), the mum also confiscated her electronics and made her delete all of her social media accounts. She also won't be buying her a car for her 18th birthday anymore. 

So does the punishment fit the crime?

Thousands of commenters weighed in with their thoughts. 

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Image: IStock

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No phone, no social media, no formal and no car

"Yesterday I was informed that my daughter Sam was part of a group of students who bullied another girl to the point that she had to switch schools," the mum began her now-viral post that has over 18k upvotes and 4.8k comments.

"There was a racial aspect to the bullying, which came as a complete shock as I truly did my best to raise our three kids to be kind and honest individuals."

She then admitted that she didn't think a grounding and a confiscation of electronics were harsh enough for what Sam did, so she told her she won't be allowed to attend her senior formal.

"I also told her that she won’t be getting a car for her 18th birthday either. Finally, I told her that she’ll have to delete all of her social media accounts with me watching."

But naturally, her daughter begged her mum to allow her to go to her formal, saying it was a "once-in-a-lifetime-event." The girl also argued that she had to keep her Instagram account as it "had pictures going back years that weren’t saved anywhere else."

But the mum stayed firm and "told her that she shouldn’t have been a racist bully."

"My parents are temporarily staying with us while their house is undergoing renovations. They agree that what Sam did was completely out of line and must be punished, but they think that making my daughter miss her formal and forcing her to delete her social media is far, far too harsh," the OP concluded, before asking AITA?

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"Give her a chance of redemption"

"NTA: this seems appropriate to the level of offence here, especially the deletion of social media accounts," the top comment read. "That said, there's a chance to teach the idea of repentance and redemption.

"You could create a plan of restorative actions she can take to earn back her formal. These could include volunteer service, cultural sensitivity classes, and (if possible) something that can positively impact the girl she bullied.

"Giving her something to earn back like that lets her have a positive focus for the year. What she did was very wrong, and needs to have consequences, but it can be an important learning opportunity too. Good luck."

And a second person agreed but added that the teen should come up with her own redemption plan. "She’s got to do something that will really drive home for her how much harm she has done and how wrong her actions have been.

"The person she is today? That person doesn’t go to formal. But a kinder person, who chooses to be a force for good in the world? That girl could go to her formal. She just has to make a plan with you about how she demonstrates that she is that person."

A third person made this point: "NTA. The person she bullied has also missed lifetime events - having a trauma-free school life for one. That trumps going to formal for me." They added, "Let her back up the photos before deleting the social media accounts though."

And then this person wrote: "As a bullying victim myself, thank you for teaching her that there are consequences for such horrid behaviour."

"I didn't go to formal. I didn't get a car after graduating either. I turned out just fine. She needs harsh punishment for bullying. I think that this is fair," chimed in a different reader.

And finally, one fellow parent said if she found out her daughter was a racist bully, she would give her a way more severe punishment. She added, "If anything, your punishment is rather lenient."

Originally published as My daughter is such a vicious school bully, I'm wrecking the rest of her year