‘My daughter is desperate to wear boys’ clothes… her step-mum insists on dresses’

“She says boys’ clothes feel ‘free', but my wife thinks she's being silly,” the dad reveals.

Pilar Grace

3 min read

January 25, 2024 - 7:12PM

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Some parents have a lot of opinions about how their kids should look.

It’s an easy trap to fall into; after all, you’ve been dressing them since they were newborns.

But kids have their own personal style and sensory needs.

Like my middle child, who loves fleece-backed anything, even when it’s the middle of summer.

His outfit of choice is a pair of women’s fleece-lined leggings with a heavy, fleece-lined hoodie, worn with the hood up. It doesn’t matter if it’s 40 degrees out, or if he’s been running around and lost half his body weight in sweat.

If this kid wants to wear his own personal sauna (and he’s safe), I have nothing to say about it.

That’s kind of how Jake felt when his daughter Effie started rifling through his drawers in search of oversized, comfortable dad activewear.

“My 11-year-old came out of our room wearing a pair of my running shorts and a matching tank top, obviously way too big for her,” he said in a Reddit post.

“I was speechless, but her step-mum blurted out, ‘What the heck are you wearing?!’”

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The 11-year-old was upset by her step-mum's reaction to her clothing. Photo: iStock

Dad asks if daughter should wear boys’ clothes

In Effie’s defence, men’s clothes are infinitely more comfortable than women’s clothes.

I have long history of borrowing the clothes from the men in my life. I used to wear my dad’s clothes when I was a teenager; when I was pregnant, I wore my husband’s clothes; and now that he’s getting bigger, I borrow my eldest son’s trackies to wear around the house.

Give me low-slung, oversized trackpants and a massive t-shirt over leggings and a crop top every single day of the week.

Effie told Jake, “she didn’t like wearing dresses anymore, she liked how my gym clothes felt ‘free’ and loose-fitted.”

“I just hugged her and told her I understood her and we could buy them in her size if she’d like and she said she’d like that.”

But his wife wasn’t so understanding.

“My wife seriously thought my daughter was just playing around and I had to explain to her she’s not a little girl that you can play dress up with anymore.

“She just kept saying, ‘That’s silly, girls are meant to wear dresses and stockings’,” he said.

“She’s pregnant with our first, a boy, and she asked me if I’d be ok with our boy wanting to wear dresses… honestly it wouldn’t faze me one bit if it was his choice.”

Reddit confused by step-mum’s stance

The community was confused by the step-mum’s stance, with many saying that Jake was doing the right thing supporting his daughter.

“Tell your wife to leave your daughter and alone and that she can wear whatever she wants,” one person said. “Why does she feel the need to police what she puts on. It’s her body for christ’s sake.”

Many people were shocked that the step-mum wanted an 11-year-old girl in stockings.

“If you go to any middle school, I highly doubt there are any girls wearing ‘stockings’,” said one person.

“I feel so terrible sad when I see infant girls stuffed into tights,” said another. “I can feel their discomfort.”

“Stockings on kids would get runs just walking past the playground, let alone actually playing,” a third person said.

One person suggested Jake change the conversation.

“You can reframe it from ‘wearing boys’ clothes’ to ‘wearing comfortable, loose, casual clothes’,” they said. “Take the gender part out. It sounds like for your daughter it’s not a matter of gender, but a matter of comfort and sensory needs.”