'I've realised my wife is a predator - I was 12 and she was 18 when we met'

"I never thought too much about it but now our daughter is 13 and imagining it happening to her has made me question everything," the dad shared.

Eleanor Katelaris

3 min read

July 20, 2023 - 1:06PM

Parenting

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A dad has come to the realisation that his wife is technically a predator as they met when he was 12 and she was 18.

Taking to an online forum, the man explained that his past was coming back to haunt him now that he is the father to a teen, and his perspective has changed.

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"It started normal, but slowly got more inappropriate"

"I never used to really think too much about it or find it weird. But seeing my daughter grow up it's been harder to ignore. She's 13 and it kind of finally dawned on me how wrong our relationship is. I haven't said anything yet and don't know how to really deal with it," the dad reveals in the now-viral post.

He explains that in high school he had a mentor program where older students came to help the new ones adjust to high school. The idea was that they would be able to talk to older students about things and get advice that teachers wouldn't be able to give.

He continues, "I had just started high school so I would have been 12, while she was 18. I was a shy kid and struggled with school but she basically took me under her wing."

However, his now-wife definitely bonded with him in a different way than the other mentors bonded with their buddies. "She made it seem like it was about helping me."

"It started normal, but slowly got more inappropriate," he explains.

"She first said I reminded her of herself when she was younger, while later on she would say it was because she loved me."

Then when he was 14 they started secretly dating (she was 20) and started openly dating when he was 16.

"We married and had our daughter at 19. My parents didn't care, they liked her. And still do. They think I'm lucky to have a wife like her."

Image: iStock

"I feel so angry and disgusted"

"For me, it all seemed so normal. I loved her, I still love her so much. Our relationship has been so happy," he continues.

"Yet just imagining it happening to my daughter makes me feel so disgusted. The more I think about it the more conflicted I feel. I love her, I'm so happy with her. I don't want to lose her, but I feel so angry and disgusted.

"I don't know how she could do that, but then I can't imagine life without her and especially our daughter. It feels so horrible but it's not like I can do anything about it. I don't even know if I want to. It's just not fair."

"Your wife groomed you"

In the comment section, people shared a wide range of thoughts on the matter. Some people even suggested that his wife may have raped him.

"Ah man, your wife groomed you and she is a predator," someone broke it to the dad.

"The fact that you were keeping it a secret means on some level she knew it was wrong. Realising you were groomed after the fact can be tough," they said. "I suggest therapy for yourself and maybe as a couple if you feel safe bringing it up with her. Look out for similar signs with your daughter."

Another added: "I feel so sorry for you because I know for a fact that the people around you or who knew about it in your school and friendship groups knew it was wrong but couldn't/wouldn’t speak up about it."

Then this person made the point: "I feel like if the genders were reversed here, reactions would be different. The double standards are crazy. It’s been so long since your adult emotions and relationship conflicts with your minor self."

"As a 20-year-old female, the thought of dating a 14-year-old boy makes me feel ill. I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I’m even more sorry that you have a happy life with her and a child now because it makes it all the more conflicting/painful to truly accept just how wronged you were as a CHILD," someone else concluded.