I’m going to hell because I park in parents-with-pram spots with no kids

"What are you going to do about it? Perform a citizen's arrest? Unlikely. Your hands are already too full with your kids in a pram."

Parking spots for parents with prams are a hot topic. 

There are debates over how old your kid should be, whether a pram should be physically present, and whether these spots are even necessary at all. 

Here’s where I drop a confession: I park in those spots without kids.

No, it’s not that the kids aren’t with me at the time - I don’t have children, full stop.

I hope to one day, and my opinion on this behaviour will likely change then, but for the time being, I’m totally shameless about it.  

Yes, I hear your collective gasp of horror... it was the same gasp I heard when I pitched this story to my colleagues, a team of mothers. 

But before you cast me as the villain in the comments, let me explain. I’m not as heartless as you might think.

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Blurred for privacy reasons and concerns for my life.Image: Supplied

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Why I dare park in the parent spots

It’s simple - I’m regularly in a rush and pretty time-poor (yes, kid-free people can also be busy.)

I also just hate car parks. I’ve lost my car more times than I’d like to admit, to the point where car park security had to rescue me in their buggy once, and I had to go around with my buzzer, hoping to hear a zap for half an hour. 

Mortifying stuff, I know. So now, when the situation permits, I’ll sneak into a parent-and-pram spot. 

You can call me selfish, entitled and lazy. But a criminal? Nope, it’s not illegal — I checked!

It’s merely frowned upon. But really, what are you going to do about it, huh? Perform a citizen's arrest? Unlikely. Your hands are already too full with your kids and your shopping, right?

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The caveats 

Like I was saying before, I’m not the monster you think I am. I don’t make a habit out of it, and I do have some principles. 

It all comes down to using your common sense. 

If it’s late or the car park is deserted, then it’s game on for me. In these scenarios, I just think, 'Is this actually hurting anyone?'. If someone in need of a wider spot arrives, there’s plenty of spaces for them to choose from. 

Also, doing it during these off-peak times means I have the least chance of getting caught, so no one will be death-staring me or leaving me a passive-aggressive windshield note, reprimanding me like they’re the ones who painted the damn pram signs on the bitumen. 

Of course, if the car park were heaving with cars, I wouldn’t dare, which means more often than not, I park in a normal spot like an upstanding member of society.

See? I do, in fact, have a moral compass, albeit a slightly skewed one.

Final thoughts: Is this really that evil?

Look, I know what I’m doing is perhaps morally wrong. I’m not some naive asshole, oblivious to the world around me. 

Rather, I’m a self-aware asshole, flirting with life’s grey areas.

Does acknowledging my flaws absolve me? Hardly. But aren’t we all guilty of some questionable habits now and then, like abandoning shopping trolleys in the middle of nowhere or stashing empty food packets back in the pantry?

No? Just me, then?

Okay, maybe I am on a one-way trip to hell. But at least I lived my time on earth as efficiently as possible and didn’t waste a minute longer than I needed to navigating the hellscapes that are shopping centre car parks. 

Originally published as I’m going to hell because I park in parents-with-pram spots with no kids