I won't go to my sister-in-law's wedding due to her stupid dress code

"She won't compromise so I know this is about more than just a dress code..." the woman said, sharing photos of the dresses she suggested.

Trying to find a wedding guest dress that is both flattering and practical when you're pregnant can feel like the world's most impossible task. 

Throw in a strict dress code and your options not only become a lot slimmer, but they can also be totally uncomfortable. 

That's what one mum-to-be Jess* is currently facing ahead of her sister-in-law's wedding - and she's taken to an advice forum to vent. 

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Image: IStock

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"She has a right to a dress code, I have the right to look out for my own health"

"I am having a conflict with my husband's sister. She is getting married soon and her dress code is incredibly complicated to adhere to for me," Jess begins her post, which has now attracted 6k likes and over 3.4k comments.

She explains that the dress code is 'black tie, long sleeves and floor-length gowns'.

The issue is that the woman is currently 34 weeks pregnant and overheats very quickly, plus the wedding is in the middle of summer.

"Given that the wedding is entirely outside in a field and in the middle of the day, in a part of the country that's already incredibly hot, I cannot be in a long sleeve floor-length gown in the heat for eight hours."

So the woman reached out to the bride and sent her a few different dress options to see if she would compromise. 

These are the three dress options she sent:

Image: ASOS and JJ's House

Pretty reasonable right? No spaghetti straps or cleavage in sight.

Wrong - the sister remained "adamant" about the dress code and said no to all these dresses.

The sister reasoned that the dark blue one isn't floor length and the others don't have long sleeves. Oh, and they're all not formal enough either, apparently. 

So, the OP gave her SIL an ultimatum.

"I told her yesterday that I cannot attend her wedding if she is not going to budge even slightly on the dress code," she writes. "I told her she has the right to have her wedding exactly how she wants it, for it to be her perfect day but I have the right to look out for my own health."

"She freaked out at me and told me I was being incredibly selfish and that 'for once it isn’t about me and my f***ing baby'."

The OP reckons this little dig was because her SIL is actually jealous that she's having the first grandchild and not her. 

"Since then my husband's side of the family has told me I’m being selfish and to just compromise for one day to keep the peace. 

"Am I the a**hole and being unreasonable?"

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"Since when do you get to dictate how long someone's sleeves are?"

"Pregnant woman here! There is no way I would be able to adhere to her dress code. Today I just went outside in just a T-shirt and jeggings in 24-degree heat and I was overheating and I wasn't even out for eight hours. When you're pregnant, your temperature is already higher than normal, without being forced to wear black tie attire," one reader said.

"Also I don't see anything wrong with your choices of dresses."

Then this mum warned, "I got a heatstroke at an outdoor wedding while pregnant last year. It was miserable and scary. Take care of yourself and your baby."

Another user wrote: "I absolutely would have RSVP'd no to this! If they wanted it to be outside, they should have made more allowances on the sleeves. If they wanted sleeves, they should have had it indoors."

And then this person pointed out, "Black tie is for the evening. This bride thinks she's being so super elegant but she's actually committing a major faux pas." Another said it was "breathtakingly tacky" and "nouveau-riche."

"Since when do you get to dictate how long someone's sleeves are? Just say black tie and leave it at that, sheesh," someone else expressed.

"A considerate and gracious host looks after the comfort of her guests, especially a heavily pregnant guest. Your SIL is a massive bridezilla and not a good person in my opinion," a different woman pointed out. 

"Who has a black tie, long sleeve-only dress code in the summer? What about older relatives or kids? It's a major health risk for their guests and people will be fainting," one woman stated.

The OP's husband has stood by his pregnant wife and won't attend

Then more criticism came from this comment: "If someone tells you they’re uncomfortable due to pregnancy, you either accommodate them or be gracious when they decline to attend the wedding.

"And if you can’t handle that, then you have no business getting married."

And others insisted that it was the husband's responsibility to handle this debacle. "It's HIS job to deal with his family and HIS job to look after his very pregnant wife," one person claimed.

The OP replied, "He's been so supportive and has told his sister that he won't go to the wedding either."

This article was originally published in September 2023 and was updated in January 2024.

Originally published as I won't go to my sister-in-law's wedding due to her stupid dress code